The other day, a parenting-advice account I follow on Instagram served me a post about things parents of teenagers have to accept. You know, like, “teens will make dumb decisions” and “you and your teen will experience conflict.” Stuff like that.
One of the things was “you will be driving them all over the place.” Somehow, while agonizing over my miles-long list of concerns about parenting when my husband and I were making the wild decision to procreate, I did not consider the driving. Please chalk this up to complete obliviousness when I myself was a teen, because obviously my parents drove ME all over creation. But I do not feel prepared in any way. The Driving was not on my radar. I had no idea. No. Idea. There is so much driving.
One of my friends has two very active, involved boys. She was telling me the other day that there is one night a week when the kids have simultaneous dropoffs at separate locations. Separate pickups from those activities. Then separate dropoffs at separate locations for the next activities. And then simultaneous pickups. At separate locations. My brain is broken just thinking about it, and she is LIVING IT.
Carla has a friend who is one of five. The kids attend three separate schools. The older four are all in (different) sports. At least one of them is in multiple sports. Is the mom ever NOT in the car? I feel like I am in the car a lot and I only have the one child!
It has been hard for me to grasp the reality of the situation. I am trying to come to terms with the disheartening fact that I am simply Going To Be In The Car. From now until Carla graduates, presumably. Or until she gets a license of her own, which terrifies me beyond reason so let’s not think about that at this time.
But I guess what I want to say to anyone who might be reading this and considering having children: FACTOR IN THE DRIVING.
Obviously, I would not trade Carla for anything in the universe… and yet it would have been nice if any of the parenting or child-planning books I consulted had mentioned the driving.
Okay, that’s a whole post on its own but let’s also have some bullets.
Easter Baskets: We are not celebrating Passover this year, because we are lazy and I am a terrible steward of my child’s religious heritage/education. Fortunately, I am still able to order crap from crappy places in order to participate in the completely secular aspect of the next upcoming religious holiday. My husband and I are total opposites when it comes to Easter baskets. He thinks they should contain mainly (only?) candy. I think my child has fully mastered the art of manifesting sugar in her life, and doesn’t need any a lot of additional sugar from us. Listen, I am not necessarily into the glorious excess that I am now accustomed to seeing on social media. (Some of it grosses me out, but at the same time, I understand the impulse.) However, I do like her to have SOMETHING in her Easter basket. This year, I am going for Practical Slash Fun. She needs a little jewelry container she can clip to her backpack, so she can safely stow her earrings and bracelets while she’s Doing Sports. She needs a new pair of sunglasses and carrying case. She has a couple of long bus rides in her near future, so I wanted to get her this bus-friendly folding puzzle. Or maybe this fun questions-and-answers card deck, to play with friends? There is a new Rosanne Parry book out, so I will definitely add that to her Easter Basket. (She adores Rosanne Parry books.) On the completely IMpractical side, no one needs emotional support pickles, but Carla would LOVE THEM. She has also been obsessed with the idea of getting our future cat a bow tie. My big problem is that none of these things fit into a plastic Easter egg, and Carla has expressly requested that we hide Easter eggs this year. Well, there’s always money. Or candy. Or a monster easter egg.
Cupcake Plans: While I’m on the topic of Easter, we might as well discuss cupcakes. My parents have invited us over for dinner and have requested that I bring dessert. Specifically, cupcakes. More specifically, cupcakes with adorable Easter décor. (My mother knows me so well.) My husband and mother enjoy carrot cake, so I’m thinking maybe these? Plus, I love the little coconut birds’ nests with Cadbury eggs. This recipe has less oil and HALF the eggs. Do you have a go-to carrot cake recipe? I cannot believe that I am about to type this (Engie – look away), but the recipe can and in fact should include raisins; my husband has expressly requested golden raisins in the carrot cake. (I cannot abide raisins in any form.) Because I am raisin-averse, and because Carla straight up refuses to eat carrot cake, I will also make a batch of lemon cupcakes with lemon-curd filling. Those are my go-to and Carla loves them, too. (By the way, all the recipes I linked to include frosting recipes, but I will probably make an extra big batch of plain old cream cheese buttercream and use it for both varieties.) To top the lemon cupcakes, I am thinking of trying this adorable chick frosting. If you are worrying that two batches of cupcakes is too much cupcake for a group of five, I plan to send a bunch of them in to my husband’s office on Monday.
Reading Incentives. I don’t know that I’ve ever needed an incentive to read; being able to snuggle up on a couch and escape into a completely different set of circumstances is reward enough. But I think Carla might need a little push. She enjoys reading when she’s doing it, but she doesn’t seek it out. This fills me with anxiety because there are so many good books she’s not reading! And I’m afraid she’s going to miss the window for feeling that they are “age appropriate.” Over the winter holidays, she got started on the Black Stallion series. She devoured the first book, leapt excitedly into the second book, and then once school resumed, she kind of tapered off. Over spring break, we of course went into nearly every bookstore we could find that sold English books, and Carla found multiple books she HAD to have. But… she hasn’t made much progress in any of them since we returned from vacation. I’ve been having fun “restocking” her bookshelves with more age-appropriate books, and there are SO MANY BOOKS I am dying for her to read… but we’ll never get to half of them if she isn’t into it, you know? In the past, my husband and I have tried various methods to spur her into reading, from adding it to her to-do list for the day, to paying her to read books. Maybe I need to give her a financial incentive again? What prompted you to read, when you were a kid? (The Pizza Hut Book It! program was definitely a bonus for me in elementary school. I love pizza. Pizza and books make for a magical combination.) If you have children, what prompted your kids to read? Carla and I have begun listening to audiobooks on our drives to school, which helps a little… but I still want her to do more reading.
Shorts Weather. Even though there is still frost on the ground, I know shorts weather is around the corner. It has me trolling through the internet, looking for shorts that won’t make me hate everyone and everything. (And pretty dresses, natch.) Shorts and I have a fraught relationship. One of the big problems is that I am self-conscious about my legs and prefer to keep them hidden. (Am I seriously considering this “magic” cellulite solution, that has so many reviews about how it makes people feel like their legs are on fire?) (I admit I am partly just curious about whether the on-fire feeling is as severe as people say. But curious enough to set my own legs on fire????) My legs are what they are, and I get too hot in summer to wear jeans or pants all the time, so I return to The Shorts Search once again. I’ve had good luck with Madewell shorts, and these have potential. As long as I’m considering denim, maybe I need a pair of these Levi’s shorts? I am always drawn to Boden’s beautiful colors and fabrics, but the description of most of their shorts includes this little kicker: “slim through waist, hip and hem” which is not the loose flowy style I prefer, so I might have to simply enjoy thinking about their shorts. I keep wanting to try Quince, and these shorts are cute. Ugh. Just thinking about shorts makes me want to avoid them altogether and stick to dresses.
Non-Shorts Signs of Spring. Despite the persistence of snow and mid-thirties temps, we do have a few signs of spring here and there. Daffodils are abundant in my neighborhood. My irises are stretching their little leafy arms up through the earth, testing to see whether they should show their faces. The lilac tree is beginning to bud. All the maples (I think?) in our neighborhood are a blur of pale red. The magnolia tree of one of my friends already bloomed; I was jealous until the frost returned and all the blooms dropped off her tree. There’s a forsythia shrub in the backyard that is producing its own sunshine. I cannot wait for flowers everywhere.
That’s all I’ve got, Internet. What are you thinking about today?
Dang it. I HATE commenting so fast after a post is posted, makes me feel like a weirdo- but this WAS when I clicked into my reader to catch up on blog posts today, and I have two things to comment!
One: on reading- my folks did this with me and I do it with my kids. Lights out/bedtime is 10- unless they are reading a physical book, then lights out is at 10:30. Works like a charm.
And I have the B-tight cream. And it has worked really well on the dimples in my upper thigh and the looseness above my knees and I almost hate to say it because HO BOY is it so much hotter than Ben Gay or a sunburn. Lasts about 20 minutes then fades quickly. I have one very deep cellulite dimple and it’s reduced by about half of what it was before I started using this. Is it the cream itself? Is it how hard you have to rub to rub it in? (And I used some stiff kinda claw like fingers to get in there and break up the fascia while I do it…) Is it all of the above?! I don’t know. But it is both so F-ing hot and it works. And some days mysteriously… no burn. I can’t figure that part out at all.
Okay, I appreciate the Real World report on the B-tight cream! That sells it for me Lauren, thank you!
Thanks for the reading suggestion! I am super militant about bedtime but maybe on the weekends I could be more flexible???
Dude that bedtimes get loosened on weekends if she’s reading a book sounds like an amazing treat…
Shorts – *sigh* I’m with you – I don’t love my thighs but I refuse to swelter in the heat. I have found that if the shorts are kind of loose through the thighs it’s not terrible. Maybe some loose linen shorts would work for you?
I never needed an incentive to read, nor did my son – but I think during the school year and with all the activities she may be less inclined to read (and I wouldn’t blame her – that’s A LOT, especially when you throw in homework and reading assignments).
Yes, there is a lot of driving during the tween/teen years BUT it is also an EXCELLENT time to talk and tackle difficult subjects (easier because you aren’t looking at each other). I know that when my license carrying son injured his knee I was delighted to be driving him again (not delighted about the injury, obviously…but for the alone time in the car again).
Yes, that is the BEST thing about driving! I love our chats. She is so fun in the morning! It’s fun when she has friends in the car, too. They talk about things my kid wouldn’t normally discuss with me, which I love overhearing.
The driving. Oh my goodness, yes. I will say that carpooling more this year has been life-changing! I actually love the driving, it’s the having to fit everything else in that stresses me out. Like…when are my kids going to eat and what am I going to feed them and when am I going to get the time to cook?
Right now we are in between winter/spring/summer seasons and our schedule is so open and it is bliss.
We don’t do (and never have done) Easter baskets and I’ll admit I am always delighted to bypass the consumerism – and sugar – that comes with it!! Christmas is really our only “BIG” holiday in terms of gifting.
I hate shorts. Full stop. Even if I can get over how my legs look in shorts (and I can’t), they never feel comfortable. They ride up or ride down. Ugh. Dresses are one of the best things about summer!!
Oh yes, trying to fit in All The Things is so stressful. I am not a huge fan of the driving itself, but I suppose it’s not terrible on its own. I get to listen to lots of audiobooks, which is great. And, as Gigi pointed out, I get to chat with my kid (when she’s in a chatty mood). But I could be using that time for OTHER THINGS, usually other things that nonetheless have to get done! Ack!
I hate shorts so much. Instead I wear dresses or skorts. I got some cute skorts at target last summer that are fairly flattering. I am sure my teen self would be dying to hear I am wearing skorts.
You could try reading together at the end of the day, either out loud or side by side? I read HP to Paul for 20-30 min before bedtime and it’s one of my fave parts of the day. We are almost done with book 2!
Gah. Easter! I don’t have anything for their baskets yet. They will probably get candy and swimsuits which isn’t super exciting but I don’t know what else to get them!
I don’t look forward to the heavy driving stage. The logistics seem complicated!! I am hoping to retire in about 8-9 years so the boys would be around 13-16. So I will have more bandwidth to help. But that is quite a ways off still!!
We definitely read together every night! Right now, we are in the middle of the Hunger Games prequel. It is SO BORING, Lisa. And yet my kid seems to really enjoy it, so I keep plugging away.
I am very intrigued by the skorts and will have to keep an eye out for them!
I think what most motivated me to read as a child was (1) boredom and (2) trips to the library. My mom brought us to the library every week until we were old enough to walk there on our own, and she used to limit the number of books we could check out, and when we were older we were limited by how many we could carry, and for some reason that was motivating too: you can Only Have Ten Books, so you’d better SCOUR for GOOD ONES. My brother and I would combine our efforts: if we BOTH want to read this one, then it counts twice, and so on.
Yes, boredom! There is a real dearth of boredom around here, which stinks for many reasons. Maybe I can manifest some boredom this summer.
Love that the restriction on book quantity worked as motivation! Smart move, mom.
I can’t relate so much to the driving because a) the boys’ schools for all three levels were all in walking distance, and b) they only really did karate, and both at the same time twice a week so I have no complaints. But what I will say is that after you get over the terror that is a teen driving license, when they are actually pretty decent drivers, wow, is that awesome. These days if I can get one of them to drive me somewhere I will (usually Jake since Mark isn’t here, but before he moved out he was more than happy to drive me). I know what you’re going to say! Remember when my kids ended up stranded in a field on an outdoor ice rink? Remember when Jake’s friend Kyle had a car that stalled every two kilometres and they had to push it out of the way on the six-lane thoroughfare? Yes, but also – they are okay! Maybe I’m not the one who should be giving advice here. Well, I’m not giving advice I guess, more…moral support? Idk.
We never did Easter baskets, I just had a hunt for them that would have a list of clues where to look (I go in dirty and come out clean would be the washing machine, etc.) And they only ever got candy as far as I can remember. But boys are harder to get little things for IMO.
I like my legs just fine, I think they are nice, albeit veiny, and I HATE shorts. I think they are just universally unflattering. My go to has been skirts with built in shorts underneath. Cool and comfortable and no one sees my panties if there is a breeze.
I have a go-to carrot cake recipe, it involves canned pumpkin and less sugar. I don’t personally add raisins but I like raisins on their own just fine. If you want it I can send it to you!
Heehee — you know, if you are cool with the boys driving even after some of those mishaps, I find that rather comforting!
You have reminded me that I bought a couple of skirts with shorts last summer! Yay! I hope they still fit!
The idea of carrot cake with canned pumpkin is extremely intriguing to me! I would love the recipe when you get a chance, please!
I have assorted kids, and some were natural readers and some were not. I think providing them the opportunity to read (and bringing them to story hours when they were little and visiting the library as a fun activity) helped stimulate some reading interest (summer and winter reading programs did give prizes!). I have one who only read novels assigned by school, and she now reads occasionally for pleasure. (Games of Thrones, but at least it’s reading!) My teen boys have a hard time finding books that are appealing, but once they do, they devour them. Youngest boy isn’t much of a reader at home, but he likes short non fiction and graphic novels so I think he’ll be fine.
It won’t matter if Carla “misses” some classic books – she can read them eventually! (Think of how many adults read Harry Potter or Matilda when the movies came out!)
I don’t wear shorts – the world doesn’t need to see my legs. I even wear capri length swim bottoms. I just find some light pants (Old Navy has some cute ones) and stay out of the sun.
I gave in and bought more Easter candy today – so everyone in the houses can have a little chocolate bunny. No presents though ; we have too much stuff as it is.
I hope your cupcakes come out beautifully!
It is quite soothing to remember that different kids have different temperaments, and that maybe it’s not ME, it’s just my kid’s personality (right now, at least). Thanks for the reminder!
I don’t love my belly these days and t-shirts seem to accentuate it more than my winter sweatshirts. Sigh. Yes, on the driving! We had a gymnast and a dancer and after work, I was in the car for several hours dropping off. Then I had a few hours semi-free (dinner prep) but was back to pick one up later. My husband fetched the other one after I told him that I would have an effing nervous breakdown if I had to do both. I may have used stronger language than that. It was great when the gymnast got into a car pool with a couple other friends and when she could later drive, terrifying as that was.
I am both laughing with Current Margaret and empathizing with Past Margaret about trying to get both kids at once!
Car pools stress me out, sadly. I need to get over that!
Your gift-filled Easter Basket sounds like a lot of fun, and way more special than candy. You come up with the best ideas!
You’re so sweet, Michelle! I am so over the sugar!
Yes, the driving. I only have one kid at home right now, and I’m SO lucky that most of her activities are at the school. But I still feel like I’m driving all over the place! Like you, I can’t even imagine these families with multiple kids doing multiple sports. And I can tell you this right now- a couple of Angie’s friends have their licenses, and then you enter a whole new realm. Oh good, I don’t have to drive! And then you wait, terrified, until your kid finally arrives safely at home. It is HARD.
Easter, arg. My daughter definitely still gets an Easter basket, and I have no idea what will be in it this year. It just gets harder and harder! But I definitely support some candy and lots of other fun items- your ideas are good.
Reading- I needed NO incentives to read as a kid or teenager. But I guess it’s different for kids nowadays. My son wasn’t a big reader, other then Harry Potter and a couple other series like Hunger Games. But now- he’s really getting into it! You can’t imagine how happy it makes me when he texts me that he stayed up way too late reading because he had to find out how his book ended. So… hopefully the same thing will happen with my daughter??? I guess my point is- do your best, do everything you can, and even if Carla isn’t reading as much as you would like, there’s a very good chance she’ll come back to it when she’s older.
You are totally right that people’s reading habits evolve over time. Just because you and I were avid readers as kids doesn’t mean OUR kids will be the same! It is great to hear that your son is finding more pleasure in books now that he’s older. I have to remind myself that my husband was also a late blooming reader, and now loves to read.
I would be a terrible parent. I hate driving. I would not enjoy driving (a) kid(s) from A to B all week long. I am sure when I grew up, my parents drove me places but I also grew up in a small German town where I was able to ride my bike once I learned how to ride it (and we have bike training in school with a test at the end to certify “street compliance”). So, in my memory, I rode my bike a lot to get around. I realize that in a lot of cities in the US, that is not an option.
Oh, how I love Europe and its walkable, bikeable cities! How cool that you had bike training in school!
I’m very impressed by the cupcakes of Easter Past, Suzanne!
And I saw the cellulite cream was linked to Amazon when I hovered over it so I didn’t click, but wow, those are some real testimonials in the comments!
We do a rhyming Easter egg hunt in our backyard, and even the now grown up kids want to keep that going… All your Easter presents sound so thoughtful. I have some head turbans, guasha tools, and jewelry socked away for next Sunday.
A rhyming Easter egg hunt! I would be so interested to learn more about that! Is it similar to what Nicole described, about being kind of like a treasure hunt?
We usually just put candy in the kids’ baskets and occasionally a little something else, like stuffed animals when they were little. This year I sent Easter candy to North in a little box packed with Easter grass, which is what I did when Noah was at school, too. We are trying to decide whether we want to dye eggs this year. If we don’t it will be the first year without doing it. It just feels a little odd with no minors in the house, but it also feels odd to stop.
That chick frosting is very cute and I love your cupcakes of Easter past.
I didn’t need an incentive to read as a kid. My mom was often trying to get me to do something OTHER than read. I read aloud to both my kids for a long time. That helped keep it going, but North went through a phase of not reading much for pleasure in middle school. It made me so sad, but they did come back to reading.
Maybe middle school is just a hard time for concentrating on books? I’m glad North returned to reading, though.
I love dyeing Easter eggs and I love dyed Easter eggs, but they go to waste around here (no one really enjoys hard boiled eggs, or things with hard boiled eggs in them) and dyeing eggs just to toss them makes me too sad.
I hope you find a way to honor your Easter traditions even without minor kids!
Re: reading — when Kate was in elementary, one of her claims to fame was being a Battle of the Books champ; she read all the time, lots and lots of books. (Mostly I think she read at school, after finishing classwork; I rarely saw her read at home.) Once she hit middle school, that came to a screeching halt and it bothered me. I tried and tried to get her to want to read. She hasn’t, much, and that’s continued, now she’s a junior in HS. But last week she went on Spring Break and asked me to take her to buy a book for the beach. (She finished it while there.) I think it’s hard in this season of their lives, to read during the schoolyear, is what I’m saying. But I wouldn’t give up hope. 🙂 You’re setting a good example and providing her plenty of opportunity. It’ll happen.
Also, thanks for the shorts recs! I need shorts, tops, dresses, and shoes this spring/summer! I haven’t bought clothes in SO long.
I bet you’re right about this being a challenging season of life when it comes to reading. I will try to chill out a little. 😉
OMG yes, the driving. I have minimized this by living close to the school and having all the children in the same magical K-12 school that starts and ends at the same time, and while it has three separate buildings, they are close enough to each other to count as one drop off, even though I let them out at different places. It also helps to be the parent who mostly hosts the playdates because then all the friends come to us.
My easter basket problem is that I got a little toy for Alex’s easter basket but nothing equivalent for either of the big kids. Other than that, I am done shopping. Or I was until you posted the cute little jewelry backpack holder which Alex needs so that she stops putting her jewelry (and fake nails, my god) into her pockets and then crying when they go through the wash. But that also makes my kid discrepancy problem worse.
Not for one second did I consider two batches of cupcakes for five people to be a problem.
I just read as a kid and my sister didn’t so I think that was a personality thing. I make my kids read an hour a day in the summer and an hour a day on the weekends and we also go to the library once a week in the summer and often stop at the doughnut store afterwards. But I’m with you. They sometimes go through periods of reading, but they aren’t readers like I was/am.
We are having Rapidly Approaching Summer instead of spring and I don’t like it.
Oh, the Easter basket discrepancy is a problem. Hmm. But also the FAKE NAILS, JEN. What is the deal with the fake nails?! They are supposed to be so much better than they were when we were kids, but I never see them ON my kid, just… in her belt bag, in her coat pocket, stuck inside her backpack, in the door handle of my car omg. Whyyyyy?
Alex uses fake nails similarly to jewelry but takes them off the moment she actually has to do anything with her hands. And she only ever has the cheap ones which stick on with stickers and not the ones that are like semi permanently attached. But I now know exactly the sound that fake nails make when they clank around the washing machine because it happens ALL THE TIME
Today I’m thinking about doing whatever I need to do to mail in my taxes. I’m also thinking about: will I manage to take a short nap today? I stayed up late with Curly to watch a movie and my phone is set to go off no matter what the setting if Mini texts me. She texted me very early about nothing pressing (thank goodness), but I’m a little groggy.
I can tell you some real driving-my-kids-to-their-stuff doozies, but I’ll let you use your imagination. Coach was working till 9 pm three or four days a week when the kids were really young. Six kids in different directions? Pure nonsense. I baked cookies on the regular for people who helped me carpool. I hear you on the fear of your child driving – EEK, but it is an amazing thing that helps exponentially.
Ernie, you are a superhuman. Getting six kids to where they need to be sounds like a full time logistics job.
Hope you get your nap today!
weirdly I cannot comment on your blog on my laptop, only on my phone?
I heard a line recently that is so true. “Your life as a parent changes completely two times. The first is when you can say everyone in the car, and they all get themselves in. And second when your first kid gets their drivers license”. I have 4 kids and that is SO true!
Your thoughts on shorts hit home. I have always worn shorts & in fact prob own 15 pairs. I will be 70 this year…in the past few years my slim athletic muscular legs suddenly became SO wrinkly from the knees up!!?? What the heck. However I still wear shorts – no way could I wear pants in the hot weather – and just tell myself it’s only skin, who cares.
The driving! As you know, my family consists of two boys and three parents (their mom, their dad, and me the stepmom). There were nights when all three of us were involved in transporting two children and that’s just how it was. And then one day the boys started driving and all of the logistic problems went away except for those rare times when someone’s car is in the shop. But yes, it was definitely a thing back in the day.
My husband tried to age the boys out of Easter baskets one year, and I argued to keep them and it turned out that I was right. We don’t do anything fancy but the boys definitely wanted them. Their mom puts more effort into Easter baskets, and in our house they are just candy and money (not cash, Hubs has an eye for coins and gives them a few dollars in some unusual kind of coin that he has in his stash).
I think that it’s almost impossible for the child of two readers to be a non-reader. She might not be knocking back the books right now but I would bet money that Carla ends up a reader.
Luckily I have a pair of Old Navy shorts and a skort thing that I got on Amazon that have enough flexibility to conform to my various sizes right now. I am not looking forward to getting my jeans shorts back into circulation. They fit at the end of last summer and I can guarantee that they do not fit right now.
When my oldest (Anna) was a teenager, it definitely took some adjusting—driving here and there, not gonna lie. But then she started driving, and I missed it. That time’s gone now, and I won’t get it back.
I got a little break since there’s a gap between my kids, and did I learn my lesson? Nope. I still complain a bit when we’re driving Ellie (17) around. 😂 But she’s in no rush to get her license, and we’re not rushing her either.
All of the driving would be the HARDEST part of parenthood (aside from most other parts, lol). I despise driving and it would be so frustrating to have to drive my kid all over the place. I can see the toll it takes on my brother and SIL! Both of their boys are involved in baseball so it’s often one parent with one child, the other with the other child all week long. Gah!
I don’t really have any suggestions about getting a kid to read! I was just the kid who naturally liked reading and was not very social. My brother did not read at all and still doesn’t to this day. I loved the Book It program, but I did NOT need any incentive to read lol.
I so not envy you or anyone on the driving. I see it with my friend and her three kids and she is so looking forward having two kids in the sam school.
I grew up with a certain bedtime but we were allowed to read. So I am voting for that approach.
My question – why do you need shorts, if you have dresses? If you prefer those, then just wear them! Or, is this a “I can’t wear dresses everywhere” issue? Loose shorts are hard to find. I do not wear them anymore for multiple reasons but I hope you are successful!
I vote for the “later bedtime if you read” option. 🙂 Sanctioned rule-breaking.