Why have my insurance plan and my annual schedule conspired to make January the month when I have All the Appointments? I was trying to make plans to write with a writing friend and I looked at the calendar and it is PACKED. I feel like January is nearly over and it has only just begun.
One of my upcoming appointments is with my OB/GYN, and I have been steeling myself to insist a little more forcefully that I believe I am in perimenopause. You will likely not recall that last year, my tentative questions about it were dismissed due to my age. The array of symptoms that seem to be perimenopause-related continues to grow, so I just want to confirm that a) yes, this is happening and b) there is nothing I can really DO about any of it, beyond what I am already doing. (TMI note: I take oral contraceptives which both prevent a period, so I don’t have that to clue me in as to actual menopause, and, according to the OB/GYN, oral contraceptives are supposedly the first line of defense against perimenopause symptoms anyway.) I had also been steeling myself to ask for a physical exam this year, should it be bewilderingly optional as it was last year, but I am pleased I am relieved I see from last year’s post that I should expect a pap test this year so that shouldn’t be an issue.
The other upcoming appointment is with a new-to-me internist. I have been mildly fretting about the appointment for, oh, several months now. I am eager to have a primary care physician again; my last PCP, whom I adored, prescribed me a new medication two Decembers ago, then went on leave until March, then left her practice to become a concierge physician. I love her enough that I strongly considered following her to her new practice, but I did not. Anyway, I have ostensibly been without a PCP since December of 2023. The old practice has been kindly refilling my prescription all this time, but I will be relieved to have a regular doctor again. (Yes, it has taken me since approximately March of 2024 to get in to see a new physician. This is both because I wanted a doctor whose office is closer to where I live now and because I wanted the specific provider my husband recommended.)
The thing I am fretting about is that this appointment is about establishing me as a patient… but I also have A List of things to discuss with the doctor. So I am worrying both about coming across as someone the new doc wants to have as a patient… and about addressing my concerns.
Is the first fret ridiculous? Yes, yes it is. I can acknowledge that without being able to eliminate it from my worry database. I am sure this doctor sees a thousand middle-aged women just like me; I am not going to be any more or less desirable as a patient. Plus, physician’s job is to deal with the patient in front of them, not reject them based on some sort of Simon Cowellian checklist. (Is Simon Cowell still a contemporary reference?) And in any case, physicians treat patients all the time that they might not otherwise hang out with or befriend; we do not need to be besties.
STILL. I want to make a good first impression. That’s weird, right? And yet, there it is.
Let’s move on to the less-ridiculous portion of my frets, which is how to address all the things I want to address without overwhelming the doctor or myself, and without doing that thing where I make a careful list and then get to item three and suddenly feel like I’m overstaying my welcome or talking too much or whatever. I cannot tell you how many times I have gone to see a doctor with Very Specific Things To Discuss, and have decided in the moment that they are silly and I won’t bother the doctor with them. Even when I bring a written list with me, I still do this.
(You might think that having grown up with a physician for a parent, and then marrying a physician would negate some of the awkwardness I feel when at the doctor. But no.)
Since three seems to be the magic number, I think I have narrowed my Must Discuss List to three topics:
- Fatigue. I am tired all the time. Like, more tired than in years past. (I feel like I’ve been chronically tired since at least 2012.) So tired that I see the effects of the tiredness in other areas of my life. Is this… The result of a medication I’m taking? A symptom of perimenopause? A deficiency of iron or vitamin D or something else? Because I am terrible at sleeping? Subset of the previous: it is because of my horrifically restless legs? Is the terrible sleeping a result of poor sleep hygiene? Or perimenopause? Or some lifestyle choice I am making? Is the tiredness (and/or terrible sleeping and/or restless legs) fixable? Or is this just my current phase of life (The Tired Phase) and I need to accept and lean into it?
- Medication. I started taking anxiety medication in December 2023 after a series of escalating panic attacks. The medication has been very helpful. I think I am in a less anxious state now than I was then; is it time to try to discontinue the medication? If so, how do I do that? And what happens if I decide it was a terrible plan to discontinue it? Yes, 2023 was a wildly exciting and action-packed year which ended spiking my anxiety to new heights, but it’s not like I was NOT anxious before that. I am not opposed to taking medication when it is helpful, but I also don’t really want to take medication if I don’t need to.
- Weight. Due to some fairly significant weight gain over the past year, I am heavier than I have ever been in my life. Aside from not being pleasant in a variety of ways for a variety of reasons, I am wondering if I need to Be Worried. Is my weight gain a side effect of the aforementioned anxiety medication? A symptom of perimenopause? The result of too many nachos? Something else? Is it causing any problems I should be aware of, aside from the expected and unwelcome not-fitting-into-my-clothing and poor-self-esteem issues? (Like perhaps my extreme tiredness?) Beyond trying to eat less and move my body more, is there anything I should be doing?
You may notice that this very tidy list of three contains many, many subtopics. That feels a little like cheating. (I imagine myself telling the new doctor, “I want to discuss three health concerns with you!” and then bombarding her with restless legs! and perimenopause symptoms! and anxiety! and insomnia! as she crumples to the floor under the weight of my hypochondria.) (Yes, I do realize this is not how doctors work.)
You may also notice that “weight” is at the bottom of the list, in case three topics ends up feeling like too many topics with which to burden the doctor. (I know; I cannot stop thinking this way.) I put it at the bottom because it is the topic that, to me, seems to have the most obvious solution (eat less and move your body more), and also because it is the topic that I feel least comfortable bringing up. It’s such an uncomfortable topic! And possibly the doctor will bring it up anyway, without me having to say anything.
I have a new, third fret: that I will inadvertently turn my New Patient Appointment into a Sick Visit. Why yes, this fret IS brought to you by two weeks of my family being sick plus waking up at four o’clock this morning with a terrible headache and a sore throat that feels worse than yesterday’s mildly scratchy throat and ear pain and a low-grade fever.
What happens if I AM sick for my appointment? Is that… allowed? I feel like the “rules,” insofar as I (don’t) understand them are that you can’t be treated by a new physician until you have established with them as a patient. This is why I have been scrupulously healthy this year, because I would much rather go see my PCP than visit urgent care.
If I AM sick for my appointment, then identifying/treating that illness probably jumps to the top of my list of concerns… but can I also address the other less-urgent topics?
Should I perhaps be badgering my husband with these questions instead of fretting about them on the internet? I mean, yes, but what is the internet for if not for airing ridiculous worries.
I’m no doctor, but having been thrown into menopause due to a hysterectomy I can verify fatigue and weight gain are two of my biggest issues. I go to bed tired and wake up tired and am tired all day. It’s ridiculous. As for weight gain, I hardly recognize myself anymore. Add in raging hot flashes, joint pain and night sweats and there are days when life isn’t worth living. Menopause is hell. And most doctors don’t take it seriously which is even worse…
I feel like EVERYTHING bad can be a symptom of menopause, which explains a lot but also stinks. I’m really sorry to hear you are having such a hard go of it! With you on the joint pain, night sweats, and hot flashes as well. UGH.
Six months after my hysterectomy I caved and went on HRT. It saved my sanity and eliminated most of the symptoms. Sadly, you can only be on it a few years. Once they weaned me off the patch, everything came crashing back. I’m coming up on ten years and still have hot flashes. It’s beyond awful.
Ugh. I’m so sorry to hear that. <3
I love your over thinking here. TWINS. I see my (new last year) doc next month and I am going to be firm about my desire for HRT. Perimenopause sucks. I keep thinking I am actually in menopause and then bam! Random period. 😭in my experience, it def explains the anxiety and weight issues.
It suuuuucks. Sucks.
What you wrote is exactly why I hate going to the doctor and why I used to skip routine health checkups. I feel that I have a pile of annoying issues that have no medical cure so why bother bringing them up? But even so, I think that talking about your list-of-three-that’s-really-an-infinite-list with the internets, your husband, and the doc in that order is a good starting place!
On the TMI-that-isn’t-really-TMI side, my body doesn’t like having a period, and I can only imagine what it’s going to do with menopause. I’ve been side stepping this issue for years by taking the pill continuously, so I have no clue where I am with pre/peri/actual menopause except that duh I’m turning 50 this year so I’m somewhere in the process. My PCP used to tell me that I would need to go off the pill when I turned 50, but this year she said it was fine to stay on it for a few more years so I continue to kick the can down the road. I feel like I’ll need to go to an ob/gyn for support eventually for how to navigate the hormones, since every time I’ve gone off the pill it’s been a disaster.
Once again I haven’t answered any questions or solved anything with my book of a comment. But I feel you and I see you, my friend.
Sounds like we have similar reasons for staying on birth control. I am NOT eager to see what happens when I discontinue it. Ugh. Fortunately, my OB/GYN has said I’m fine to stay on it and that’s good enough for me.
YES to the pile of annoying medical issues that have no medical cure. That’s the real crux of the issue right there. I tend to think everything equals cancer so sometimes I just like to get reassurance from an MD (not my husband, he doesn’t count in this case) that my annoying medical issues are annoying but not deadly.
Obviously I’m no medical professional but it seems to me like maybe all your concerns are related to each other, a bit? Fatigue is a symptom in perimenopause and I actually think restless legs might be too. But! It would be a good idea to make sure you’re not deficient in iron or something like that. I don’t know, I think doctors should be prepared to answer questions, that’s what they are there for.
Oh, sidebar, our new doctor IS MOVING OUT OF PROVINCE and so apparently we are being shuffled to another doctor in that practice, but now I’m paranoid that the whole practice will shut down and we will have to do this whole looking-for-a-doctor thing again and I just don’t want to.
Back to the issue at hand. My husband has like a thousand medications and he never blinks an eye at going to the doctor with all his questions, and I think this is a woman thing, that we want to be Good Patients and all Quiet. I mean, maybe not, but for some reason (hormones) I’m feeling all ragey.
I hope you remain well! And I hope you get some answers. That kind of fatigue is untenable in my opinion. I hope you get some rest!
I am kind of AFRAID it is all just (“just”) perimenopause because then it feels like there’s not much I can do. BUT at least I would know and stop thinking there’s something bad at the source, you know?
WHYYYYYY???? I’m so sorry your doctor is leaving! Hopefully the new person in the practice will be good and will stay put for a long while!
Oh the fatigue and weight gain is so real and when I mention it to my doc (whom I love) I just get met with sympathy and an over-40 comment. It seems like we’re all going through it, so maybe it is just normal aging? For the restless legs (I used to get really bad charlie horses too) I have found magnesium and tiring out my legs (running/walking) plus electrolytes in my water to basically cure it! I hope you can find some relief!!
Yes, it sounds like it’s probably just normal aging. Which is a little depressing, but I’d rather that than have something “wrong”!
I have been taking magnesium for a few months. It seemed to really help at first, but it’s no longer working for me. Sigh.
Chiming in to say that menopause can happen earlier than expected. I started perimenopause in my mid-30s and was in menopause by 41. Weird genetics, I guess. It took me a long time of fretting about going to the dr if I wasn’t ‘really sick’ before I realized… that I’m paying them to help me with my medical issues, big or small. I went recently because I was worried about a spot on my nail. It was the best copay I ever spent to get reassurance that it wasn’t cancer.
Right?! Reassurance is worth every penny of a copay!!!
I stayed on the pill through perimenopause and wow, that helped a lot. My sister had a hell of a time, so went on the pill to manage it, which helped her a lot. I’ve been off for several years though. I’ve been considering HRT, but then I read that you can’t stay on them and I’m not sure. I gained weight even on the pill, perimenopause is strong.
Maybe you check with your husband, but I always thought the New Patient visit meant that they gave you more time to get to know you and your concerns, not to interview you as to whether you are an easy patient or not. In other words, I think this is EXACTLY the time to ask all of your questions.
Also, have your vit D and potassium levels checked. I think those could be part of your sleeping/restless legs issues, and even if you’re taking supplements, your body may be metabolizing them differently now. I know a couple of people that has happened to.
Best of luck, I hope you get on swimmingly and that she takes your concerns to heart and finds some answers.
Ha – yes, I think your perception of what a New Patient Visit is is accurate and that there is no “choice” in the matter on the doctor’s end. Good point about vitamin D and potassium! I am going to see if I can get all the levels of all the things checked out.
I feel like you are vaguely my age and I went to my gynecologist recently for my yearly checkup and said “I am having night sweats all the time now and I think this might be the start of perimenopause” and she nodded and said “yep” and I said “it’s fine for now, just wanted to mention it” and she said “if anything gets bothersome, let me know and we will deal with it.” I am also on the same non-period oral contraceptives.
Hand your list of questions to the doctor. I have done this and it both forces me to deal with all of them and my doctor (same lovely woman from the last paragraph) is DELIGHTED. She likes nothing better than an orderly list. She told me she wishes everyone came in with a written list.
GIVE MY LIST TO THE DOCTOR. This is genius, Jen. I think I might be able to do that!
She said she loves it because she can scan it and see if any of the things relate to each other and because apparently a lot of people do a “oh one last thing” as she’s walking out the door and bring up their most pressing concern.
Oh gosh – yes, a list would be preferable to that!!!
If they try to dismiss you again just say- “yeah, but I’d like to request full bloodwork to be sure”- thats been super helpful in finally getting me help i needed. And this is the appointment to spill your guts on your concerns and they make more time for these appointments to account for that… take the opportunity!
This is a great response to being dismissed! Thank you!
Please ask your doctor about Hashimotos. The tiredness and weight gain could be low thyroid. Be sure they test you for antibodies, not just test your T4.
I had never heard of Hashimotos before – thanks for bringing it up!
I don’t remember what it was like to not be tired, if that helps. I know I should get 8.5-9 hours of sleep every night, but I get more like 7, so that explains it to me. But if you’re getting enough sleep by the numbers, definitely ask about it!
When I did my last intro visit with my new doctor, she actually got to all of my concerns (headache, exhaustion, anxiety) before I whipped out my own list. She had already looked over my chart and knew that these were things I had been seen for before.
Me neither, Engie. What is it like?!
I definitely am not getting enough sleep by the numbers. I wake up ten thousand times a night.
Amen to the thyroid suggestion. You ask for thyroid blood tests, including thyroid-stimulating hormone (TSH), T3 and T4, and thyroid antibodies. All your symptoms could be related to a thyroid issue. And in a general way, the treatment is easy.
Very interesting, thank you!
I think you should not feel at all bad about asking all of your questions. That might be easier said than done. I think your questions are valid, and if you are feeling under the weather than it is fair to have that checked while you are there. I have done the exact thing though, gone in with a million questions and backed off a few in the moment, because ‘WELL, THIS SEEMS EXCESSIVE’, etc. That landed me back at the dermatologist for a skin thing on my hand that I assumed was temporary. To the tune of $80 copay. That was dumb of me.
I was chronically tired. To the point of ridiculousness, falling asleep on the coach and being unable to wake up to go to bed (like after dinner with kids still awake doing homework). Turned out I had celiac disease and I wasn’t absorbing my nutrients. I didn’t have loads of other gut issues, so I think every case is different.
I take an antidepressant for my gut issues now and from what I understand most antidepressants can cause weight gain, but also perimenopause. So, I suspect that the doctor will be like, Yes, all of the above is possible. I’m trying something else to manage my gut now, and it seems to be working. I am hoping to stop the antidepressant to see if I even need it anymore, because I agree – why take something if I don’t need it.
I vote that you don’t back down and ask all of your questions, even take notes. The doctor has a job to do, and you are the patient. Let the doc do her job. Good luck! I hope you get answers that are helpful.
Awww, thanks, Ernie!
I have never commented before but have been reading your blog for a few years. It makes me feel like a stalker. I’m not. I’m a middle aged homeschool mom. Anyway, I wanted to recommend a book Next Level by Stacy Sims. She talks about perimenopause and menopause in a simple easy to understand way. She also provides natural and medicinal ways to combat the symptoms and effects. I was bold and gave the book to my on who now recommends it to her patients. I hope you find answers and solutions to your medical questions.
Hahaha – not a stalker at all! Hi and thanks for reading!!! Thank you so much for the recommendation. I will check it out.
Please, please, please get your Vitamin D checked. And B12. Several years back, mine got dangerously low. My symptoms were fatigue, depression, muscle aches, and more.
(I wrote about it here.)
I’m glad you’re going to the doctor, and I hope you get answers that help you.
Thanks for the heads up and the link, Nance! I am going to read about your experience.
I don’t have any wisdom here, Suz… and please don’t hate me for this, but I was glad to see that your item #3 was weight gain and not weight loss. I started feeling worried at #1 fatigue and if it were coupled with weight loss I’d be worried that something SERIOUS was going on.
I hope your doc can get it figured out and get you back to feeling like yourself again. I know how weight gain can leave one feeling uncomfortable in one’s own body.
Wishing wellness and comfort, M
Right?! I keep feeling thankful it isn’t rapid weight loss. Weight gain seems much more manageable and less scary, even if it is annoying.
As a doctor, I LOVE a written list! I mean maybe if it were 100 pages single spaced I’d raise an eyebrow, but otherwise it’s great! It’s efficient! It means the patient won’t forget their questions.
Okay and one doctory ticbit: In addition to thyroid def get iron studies done including ferritin, not just CBC!
Yes! I am a nurse midwife who sees lots of perimenopausal patients and I echo bringing the list (even sending it via the portal before your visit to give your provider a heads up!) and for your concerns definitely thyroid testing and a full iron study (not just CBC- please also check your ferritin). Also don’t hesitate to schedule a follow up problem visit after your annual, if all your questions weren’t answered. It’s also frustrating to be the provider and only 15-20 minutes to answer questions and do a full exam- I love it when there’s a follow up so we can do a deep dive into concerns beyond what needs to be covered in the annual exam. Also in a lot of these follow up visits you get to keep your pants on and just chat!
This is such a great perspective on follow up appointments! I always thought of them more as a check in than as a chance to dig in – totally going to rethink how I approach them from now on!
This is hugely helpful! Thank you!
I hope you have a great first visit with your doctor. I am sure he/she can address all of these concerns and the visit should be a bit longer so you have time to ask your questions. I would try to think to yourself – what would I tell Carla to do in this appt if she had these concerns? I feel like taking ourself out of the question and subbing our child in can make us ask for more for ourselves.
I’m on the weight gain struggle bus as well. I think much of it is related to pred but I’m sure it’s also perimenopause approaching (although I don’t have symptoms yet – i asked about it at my last GYN appt and she said if I wasn’t have night sweats, I’m not in perimenopause yet). It’s such a joy to be a woman, huh?
I think getting a full blood panel that includes the hashimoto marker makes sense. I have hashimoto in addition to RA but I am subclinical currently. Oddly, it was worst when I was trying to get pregnant so I had to go on a med to manage it (well, we didn’t know it was Hashimoto at the time – I had an elevated TSH and then the endo I saw said we should check for the market after my 2nd pregnancy and sure enough I have hashimoto but now my TSH is lower and I don’t require any meds for now).
Hang in there friend!! I hope you are delighted by the appt!
Thank you for the background about your experience with hashimoto! I hope it remains a non issue for you, and I am really glad to know about it as a possibility.
Obviously, I’m no expert – but it seems to me all your concerns could be related to perimenopause; I don’t care if your doctor thinks it’s not. What do they know? They aren’t living it. When I mentioned to my OB-GYN that I was kind of surprised when my perimenopause started in my 40’s; she said that it is a common time for it to start and that it can last for 10 years +. I was lucky in that I only went through it for a couple of years. It really grates my nerves when doctor’s brush off our concerns.
Lol – what DO they know, Gigi?! I agree it is extremely irritating when medical professionals are dismissive of concerns. Especially when their reasoning is so simplistic.
May I suggest making two copies of your list of questions and provide one to the nurse who checks you in to give to the Dr. Two reasons – seeing the sub questions up front will help the Dr efficiently address the main question. Second it commits you to addressing all the issues and not chickening out.
Oooh I like this idea a lot! Would keep me accountable!
Oh friend, I wish we could sit down for a long cup of tea! I feel all of this!
Tired. I cannot remember not being tired. I am better now than earlier in motherhood, but I go to bed tired and wake tired and live tired. I honestly can’t think of a single mother I know that doesn’t feel that way.
Medication. As you know, I went off Prozac after 9 months despite good results; mostly because I had suddenly gained 15 pounds. Like…overnight. I had some complicated things happening in my life that were VERY STRESSFUL (#understatement), and I learned quickly that medication was a huge help. I am now on a combo of Prozac (low dose) and Wellbutrin (which is the only medication known to usually contribute to weight loss). I haven’t lost any weight, but haven’t gained any either (I don’t think – I don’t weigh myself, but my clothes are fitting about the same month over month). Wellbutrin alone was BRUTAL. I had absolutely staggering exhaustion. The combo has been great. Also, I no longer get night sweats which I did get when only on Prozac. I have an appointment with my Dr next week and I want to talk long-term. Going off meds, at least until my neighbourhood situation is 100% resolved, is an absolute no-go for me.
I am a HUGE fan of taking lists to the doctor. One time, I actually went in with a letter to read to her 🙂
Oh and I second SHU’s suggestion to make sure to get your ferritin checked. My CBC was fine (red blood cell count was fine) and my ferritin was super low.
Darn about magnesium. I saw your response to Colleen; I was going to suggest that. I have had such favourable results with magnesium.
And this is a WILD CARD, but my mom – who suffered with restless legs for years – did find that the wacky idea to put a bar of Ivory soap at the bottom of her bed helped. She is a nurse and very mainstream medicine so didn’t think it would work…but it did?!
I agree with the person who suggested handing the list to the doctor; she will be able to focus on the ones that are connected or worrisome. I assume you always get blood work done and that might answer some questions about the tiredness and weight gain; if not, it will at least rule some things out. Hope it goes well; you’ll have to give us a summary afterward.
Thanks, Margaret! I like that idea too. More pressure on me to stick to the script.
I’m late in commenting and I haven’t read over what other people say- but I’m wondering if the fatigue/weight gain could be thyroid related? The doctor will probably test for that.
And… (once again I’m late commenting so this could be a non-issue by now) I would say if you’re sick on the day of the appointment, go, but wear a mask. I think doctors are used to that.
Good luck!!!
It definitely sounds like I should get the thyroid checked out!
Primary care provider here and I LOVE A LIST!!! I 100% agree with the suggestion to hand a copy to the doctor at the start of the appointment so they can scan it. Oftentimes symptoms are related to the same underlying condition, or the presence/absence of certain symptoms makes a particular underlying condition more likely, so it really helps to see it all at once. I’d much prefer seeing it all up front rather than spending 10 minutes in discussing one thing only to find out there are 5 more things the person wanted to mention.
In our practice, a new patient appointment is 30 minutes long (as opposed to a 15 minute regular followup/sick visit) so there is time to review past history. If your new doctor is within the same medical system/electronic charting system as your old one, it shouldn’t take much time to verify what is already in your chart. If it’s a brand new system it will take longer to go over everything.
I also wouldn’t be surprised if the doctor orders a full panel of bloodwork first before diving into the specifics of each complaint because something like iron deficiency or thyroid dysfunction can explain a lot. The typical panel I order for your complaints would include CBC, CMP, iron, ferritin, A1c, fasting insulin, fasting lipids, TSH, free T4, thyroid antibodies, magnesium, vitamin D, and vitamin B12. And definitely agree with scheduling a follow up visit in 1-2 months if you weren’t able to get to all of your concerns (particularly mental health concerns I feel like often need a dedicated visit as they are so nuanced — and I often have people schedule a video visit to discuss which tends to be easier for people!).
So helpful!!! Thank you!!!
Your worries are not ridiculous and I think you should expect your new Doctor to answer allllll your questions and worries.
You are too young to be tired all the time; it makes me think this has to do with the RX. But also, insist of detailed bloodwork. Perimenopause has way too many symptoms and they vary from person to person. Also, there’s not much you can do about this part of your life aside from addressing the worst of the symptoms and just get through it, which I know you will.
I hope you get some answers; please let us know!!
Thanks, Suz! I will report back!
Everyone has already left such helpful comments, so this was really nice to read. I have severe “white coat” and it’s nice to know that someone whose father and husband are doctors can still feel like I do about these appointments. I’m grateful to have found a wonderful PCP who prescribes me a “white coat” dose of Lorazepam. I get 10 pills for the whole year, so I have to use them wisely – only before a medical appointment. It helps SO much! It makes me calm but not loopy and enables me to talk and listen more effectively.
I get white coat hypertension sometimes too and it’s awful – but my anxiety is through the roof at the dentist so I completely empathize! So glad you have a physician who prescribed something that helps!
I think your 3 concerns are quite valid and yes, it is also valid to list them as 3 concerns, each with sub-concerns. I think that is a great approach to use in the appointment.
“…Simon Cowellian checklist. (Is Simon Cowell still a contemporary reference?)” “Cowellian” is close enough to “Orwellian” to make this an **excellent** reference, in my opinion. I never watched those shows with Simon Cowell in them, but I understand the reference.
One thing I have been pissed off about for the past 10 years is how little I knew about perimenopause at the time that I was going through it. Why didn’t my doctor, or anybody, have a talk with me ahead of time, telling me what all the possible symptoms could be. But no, the only thing people will talk about is to joke about hot flashes. It was sort of like perimenopause was a big secret. Embarrassing. Hush hush. I wish someone had told me I might have the biggest, lengthiest, heaviest menstrual period of my life, but nobody said that. So I was unnecessarily panicked for that portion of my life.
Sorry. Still mad about that.
I hope you are able to avoid picking up the recent family illness or you are able to recover from it quickly. Best wishes for your appointments.
Ooooh yes – I had not noticed the similarity to Orwellian but love it!
Perimenopause totally seems like a big secret! It feels like more people are talking about it now but it still feels like it’s treated with dismissal and shrugs.
GIRL. You have been Through It. Thank you so much for being so candid about your own experiences. So supportive and inspiring.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets like this and basically rehearses for appointments.
Did we talk about the Gabapentin for restless legs thing? It was a lifesaver for me. I haven’t asked about HRT yet, but I have a few friends who have done the estrogen gel and it’s been life-changing for them.
I am the exact same before I go to a doctor (I would have hoped the doctor husband thing would help, I am desolate on your behalf that it does not). I don’t know what to suggest. It depends a lot on the personality of the doctor, I think. I hope s/he is compassionate and thorough, like mine is, and that all your questions are, if not answered, at least addressed.
Do you have an Apple watch? Or another one of those smart watches? If so, it might be helpful to start using that to track your sleep and see HOW much sleep you’re getting, how much of it is spent in deep sleep, blood oxygen levels while sleeping, etc. This is what prompted me to get a sleep study done – I was spending less than 10 minutes EVERY NIGHT in deep sleep (we should get 1.5-2 hours of it!) and my blood oxygen levels were very low (90% on average). I’m not saying you have sleep apnea or anything like that, BUT that knowledge could help you determine if it’s something sleep-related causing the tiredness or something else.
I’m going to my PCP on Friday and I have a whole list of things I want to talk about. I always feel like I’m bothering them, too, even though THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE THERE FOR. But I make a list so I don’t chicken out and not ask about the things that are bugging me. A good doctor will be compassionate and want to address all of your concerns!
Hi! I found your blog a while back because I was looking for recipes/links to recommendations, but I totally relate to the perimenopause thing. As many others have stated, yes to handing the doctor a list! But also, speaking from experience, you can get a PAP smear without a full pelvic physical — e.g. palpations and other unpleasantness. Make sure to get both, as the PAP is limited and an experienced doc can actually tell a LOT from the way things feel. (I went for years just getting my routine PAP because I also thought they were the same, but I was recently and helpfully diagnosed with another condition based on findings from a full pelvic exam + followup.) It’s very important at our age to get both. Good luck!
It is so important to into appointments with lists. If I dont have that written down I keep forgetting it or think ah I am overreacting it is not so bad, lets talk about it next time blablabla….
Last time I had been at my OB I had mentioned I wonder about perimenopause and how I will realize. She said we are the same age we have a couple more years. However I have an inkling it is starting so I want to keep track of symptoms until I am back with her in October. I need to start recording it and not just thinking about it though.
Good luck with all the appointments and the hopefully some good solutions.
Starting with a new doctor is always a little bit nerve-racking, especially if you already want to discuss your health history and symptoms… but I don’t think you should be “afraid” to bring up your concerns.
I agree with Nicole that it’s a potentially a women’s thing to downplay things, to accommodate others (even if its your own doctor) and not be “dramatic”. On top of that, it’s common knowledge that women’s concerns are more often ‘dismissed’ than men’s, so no wonder we’re hesitant to speak up at all. But I say, to hell with that… it’s their job to listen and help!