Oh, hi. It is That Time of Year when I begin to fret about Carla’s birthday party.
Didn’t we already take care of this, you may be wondering? And yes, yes, I thought I had taken care of it way back in April. Well. The best laid plans, etc.
To keep you updated: The theme is still Beach, the party is still at our house. It is still ostensibly a pool party. Will we be able to use the pool or will there be thunderstorms? Who’s to say, Internet. Who’s to say. Also, there is no lifeguard because “securing a lifeguard” in April does not mean securing a lifeguard. It means that your need for a lifeguard goes into some sort of system – but not a system accessible to all the people who work at the lifeguard staffing place – and then you have to call back a month in advance of your event and then thrice a week after that to be told, every time, “Call back on [date two or seven days hence] and we should definitely know whether we have a lifeguard for your event.”
I prefer to send out invitations to an event no fewer than four weeks in advance. That deadline flew past, because I was not going to invite umpteen children to my house without a lifeguard on hand. I know my limits. Finally, two weeks before the party, I convinced Carla to cull her list down to five and sent out the invitations. These kids are all good and experienced swimmers, and my husband and I are going to watch them every second. My in-laws will be there to do things that require leaving the pool area – showing kids to the bathroom, getting waters, answering the door for the food delivery. We are not having any parents stay, in part because that’s a whole additional level of stress but also in part because the more people on hand, the less confident I am that anyone will be watching the swimmers.
Listen. I understand, fully, that the lifeguard staffing place has a lot of factors to consider. First, summer JUST started, and it’s prime lifeguard season, and I’m sure they’ve been scrambling to find enough high school and college kids to staff all their clients’ needs. Plus, I am guessing that their primary business comes from country clubs and community centers and camps, who all need multiple lifeguards for multiple days a week, and I completely see how it would be a priority to staff those bigger clients before my tiny one-time party.
And yet… if you cannot promise a lifeguard for an event, perhaps do not promise a lifeguard for an event?!
The most maddening thing about the lifeguard issue is that when I finally called them, a week before the party, and told them I no longer needed a lifeguard because I couldn’t deal with the uncertainty (I left a message and I promise I was as nice as possible over the phone; it’s not the fault of the people who do the scheduling), they called me back later that day and left a message that said, “We have a lifeguard for you, in case you change your mind.” ARGH.
Other people probably would have taken the lifeguard staffing person’s promise of “Oh, I’m SURE we’ll have someone for you.” (followed, always, by, “But call back next Monday just to confirm”) as good enough, but I couldn’t do it.
MOVING ON.
You may have noticed back there a few vents ago that I referenced food delivery. And lo, we are no longer having a taco party. My husband convinced me and Carla that getting takeout from a local restaurant would be better and easier. (And more expensive, probably? But I didn’t do any sort of price comparison because I don’t want to know.)
Carla also vacillated WILDLY about what kind of dessert to serve. We began, back in April, with beachy cupcakes. Then she decided she didn’t want cupcakes, she wanted some sort of frozen treat.
Carla did vacillate back to cupcakes and now I’m making watermelon cupcakes.
I couldn’t put together exactly the right LOOK she wanted (I get the feeling her entire vision was based around Ken from the Barbie movie and I could not get that vibe together), so we settled on flamingoes. (There are a ton of cute flamingo options out there, if you are looking for a flamingo theme.) But then she decided she wanted flip flops as part of the theme, too, and then watermelons… and there seem to be plenty of options available if you want to throw a watermelon-themed party or a flip-flop-themed party, but nothing that effortlessly already combines watermelons and flip flops and flamingoes and beach. So now the whole thing feels very chaotic to me. I realize this is a Me Problem, and none of the kids will care, and it will be cute, and the theme will be, loosely, BEACH as intended, and it will be fine and I should waste NO MORE TIME on thinking about this at all.
Should, of course, being the operative word.
Okay. Food and theme sorted. Now I am in the throes of What If Our Pool Party Becomes an Indoor Party? anxiety, because – as you already Well Know if you’ve read this blog for any length of time – a party at my house is my nightmare.
Every year since Carla was, I think, three, I have outsourced the party part of her birthday to someone else: a paint-your-own-painting place or an indoor playground or a petting zoo or a nature hike. This is important to me for two very important-to-me reasons: 1. I don’t have to have a bunch of people in my home which I find stressful on cleanliness/food prep/introvert levels, and 2. SOMEONE ELSE TAKES CARE OF THE ENTERTAINMENT. I do not know how to entertain people! I am not entertaining! The only reason I agreed to having a party at my home is because the pool is the entertainment. If we remove the pool from the equation, we have nothing. NOTHING.
Taking a step back, I think – I really do – that the kids would be okay if they all just hung out in Carla’s room and chatted and did whatever it is tweens do when they are together. But my FEAR is that they will be bored and teenagery and they will have a terrible time and blame Carla for it and she won’t have any friends.
Yes, yes, ths is catastrophic thinking at its finest (speaking of, of course I have spent many many hours worrying about drowning and other pool related injuries, don’t think I haven’t), I have taken The Threat of the Indoor Party way too far; it will be fine. Even if they are a little bored, it will be fine. Maybe the weather will even be swimmable! Who knows!
Despite knowing that it will be fine, here is where I am: in a mild state of panic (much milder, I swear, than the all-caps multi-thousands of words might imply), and trying to soothe my panic with rational thoughts and also trying to plan non-boring and fun and cool tweenage things to do just in case they get all bored and mopey and why-did-I-come-herey and I-want-to-go-homey.
Just to be 100% clear: I FULLY REALIZE I am overthinking things. That is sort of my brand, the overthinking. I promise you that I KNOW I can simply plop the kids down in front of the TV and they will be fine. BUT. It helps me to have A Contingency Plan, and so that’s what I’m trying to assemble.
Help me? Please?
Here are my ideas so far:
1. A Treasure Hunt. Always a good option. Always fun for me to put together, even if they are stressful and tie my brain in knots. In my experience, group treasure hunts aren’t that great – there’s always one kid who reads really fast and takes over and the other kids are left to trail behind. But I could divide the kids into teams of two and they could compete with one another; in fact, I panic bought a bunch of clearance items from Michael’s that I could use as door prizes. But treasure hunts are a LOT of work and they always take far less time for the kids to complete than they take me to put together.
2. Truth or Dare. The kids seem to love to play truth or dare, as I did when I was their age. Because I am (tada!) an overanxious parent, I would probably come up with some pre-planned truths and dares and print them on slips of paper for the kids to choose. That way, we could hopefully avoid destructive/dangerous dares and awkward/hurtful truths. (Like “what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?” and “what superpower would you want?” instead of “what’s your most embarrassing moment?” or “who do you have a crush on?”) (By the way, this is probably a worthwhile topic for another day: the intervention of parents in their kids’ lives in order to prevent them from experiencing awkwardness/weirdness/discomfort. I have wildly conflicted feeling about that, and also have a child who attends a school where keeping kids comfortable is the norm, for all the strengths and weaknesses of that approach. Which means all her friends have that as their norm, which makes me feel like I need to uphold it when I am hosting them. Again. Different, MUCH THORNIER topic.)
3. Beach Themed Scattergories. I can make a Scattergories scoring card in Canva and print it out for everyone. This might keep them busy for a while, and I could give prizes to the winners of each round.
4. Who Am I?/Celebrity. This one is fun, but it strikes me as kind of difficult because I don’t know which celebs the kids know. It’s not like they are all sitting around watching Full House and Saved by the Bell and a handful of the exact same shows everyone else is watching the way I did as a kid. TSwift and their math teacher are pretty much the only people I can think of that they are all guaranteed to recognize. (They also all probably know our current and former Presidents, but since we all come from different spots on the political spectrum, I don’t think that’s a good option here.)
5. You vs the Birthday Girl? Originally, I thought it might be fun to do something like, “who knows the birthday girl best?” but I would want to be careful not to weight it too heavily in favor of Carla’s best friend. So I’m thinking of a game that awards points for things they can compare, like, “has the same number of letters in her name” or “has the same color eyes” or “has bigger feet” or “is wearing earrings” or things along those lines???
6. Nail Polish Spin the Bottle. I saw this on a website somewhere and to be honest, I’m not exactly sure how it works? I think the gist is, you line up ten bottles of nail polish, then spin a bottle of clear polish in the middle, and then you have to paint one toe or fingernail the color you land on. This requires a lot of nail polish… but I could get some from the dollar store. My biggest concern with this game is that the kids will get nail polish on the carpet.
7. Guess That Tune. We no longer have an Alexa, so we can’t play Song Quiz. But my husband could probably set something up and the kids could keep track of who wins. I don’t know though – seems like a lot of work for a small payoff.
8. Hide the Candy. I could totally buy a bunch of small, wrapped candy (like tootsie rolls, hork) and hide those all over the house. I feel like maybe Elisabeth did this for a party in the near-recent past, and I recall reading it and feeling astounded by its genius and its simplicity.
9. A Craft. The craft store (yes, I did go to both Michael’s AND the craft store, what of it) had some little flamingo suncatcher crafts on clearance: buy one get TWO free, and that was a theme appropriate deal I could not pass up. It is quite young for the kids – you just paint a plastic thing – but it’s On Theme and it could be something to do. A LAST RESORT, if you will. If we don’t do this craft during the party, I will pop the packages into the kids’ favor bags.
10. Poke a Prize. Carla mentioned this idea briefly – once – awhile ago, and I kind of mumbled and changed the subject, because it is TOO much work, and it also requires some sort of competition so the kids can pick a prize. I did it once in 2020, and it was glorious, and I plan to never do it again.
Okay, here is where you come in. Do any of these games sound reasonable? (We are not going to discuss whether my need for A Contingency Plan is reasonable.) Do any of them sound like instant party sinkers? Do you have any other Awesome Tween Appropriate Games or Activities in your back pocket? Is having gifties/prizes a good idea (to incentivize participation) or a terrible idea? (They will all also get identical treat bags at the end of the party.) I was kind of planning on making sure each kid gets one prize, but maybe that’s… infantilizing? Eleven-year-olds are VERY aware of being babied, based on my limited experience. And, I mean, a pencil case is fun but is your life going to be ruined if you don’t get one?
Def prizes for all. Glossier lip balms maybe? Sbux gift cards? Nobody will feel babied if the prize is awesome.
Also, don’t over think– friends plus pool (or indoor things) plus food equals super fun time.
You could also ask people with high school kids who might also be lifeguards if they can come watch the kids for more than they’d make at the country club.
My tween loved her beauty spa bday party. You’d just need some pre-packaged beauty facemasks; lots at Target. They come in lots of colors, scents, etc that tweens love. They put them on, take pictures looking silly, and just think it’s the best. Also have a bunch of fun nail polishes (table cloths handy to keep your furniture protected!) and just have them paint each others nails. Also the dance routine videos (Just Dance, I think) on YouTube are fun to do at a party. Put the videos on the tv and they can all dance together. One last one: I am not suggesting you do this, as a back up activity to a pool party, but simply putting it out there for collective ideas: a murder mystery bday party. When my kid turned 12 she loved this! I bought a murder mystery kit online that was for that age group. It was a bit of work to assign each kid a character, assemble a few props, etc, but it was spelled out in the kit’s instructions. Basically each kid got some some background info ahead of the party and assumed their character during the murder mystery. They interviewed each other and tried to put together the pieces of the mystery.
My kids (one of whom also just turned 11) like to play charades. You can pre-write some prompts and make them fairly easy things to recognize/act out. Very little prep involved, so if they’re not interested, no big loss. You could save the prompts for a rainy day. Otherwise your ideas sound fine to me!
For my daughter’s birthday last week she created and hosted her own game, which was a trivia game about herself. I think she copied the questions from the internet but I also helped her come up with some. We included “preference” questions that were difficult to predict (“peanut butter vs. nutella,” for example), so that certain people who know her best would not be overly advantaged. She recorded the “correct” answers on a sheet of paper in advance. She seemed to really like it–I think she enjoyed being the center of attention for a few moments.
Charades or pictionary would be fun and take minimal prep. Absolutely no nail polish. I got the shivers reading about that. I’m with you on the lifeguard uncertainty; I wouldn’t be able to handle it either. Frankly though, I think that your husband and you will be more attentive than a teenage lifeguard. My oldest grandson (4) had his birthday party in May; many invitees came and it was supposed to be outside but then it rained. The inside party was crowded and chaotic but also fun. My daughter had a scavenger hunt that the kids loved. No matter what, the party will be delightful and special for Carla. Then, it will be OVER. 🙂
You know I also have party anxiety; we did indeed hide candy all over the house and the girls went wild finding it (and declared it to be there favourite game). I put some tiny dot stickers on a few candies and the people who found those – randomly, and I hadn’t let them know a few of the candies had stickers on them – also got a prize! I put a sticker under one plate and one chair as well.
We do a prize table and people can pick what they want when they win a game. And that becomes their treat bag at the end of the night!
Four Corners is a beloved birthday party game.
One of the games was a cool mash-up of Pictionary and Telephone. Two teams form a line. The head of the line gets a piece of a paper with a picture on it, and they have to describe it to the next person in line, who tells the next person in line, etcetera, until it gets to the end of the line where someone is creating a drawing based on the “telephoned” instructions. (Details here: https://optimisticmusings.com/life-lately-a-hodgepodge/)
Good luck. I agree with everyone else (and I know you “know” this but it’s still SO STRESSFUL): the kids will have fun regardless of how the afternoon goes!
Regarding the pool, I am glad that you and your husband will be watching so closely. I was at a small gathering once where a kid went in just barely too deep, water over his nose, and it was shocking to me that someone could drown so quietly. To be clear, HE DID NOT DROWN. His mom saw him struggling and jumped in before he even got scared. But I guess I thought it would be like the movies, lots of waving and yelling.
Regarding the party, my vote would be for a movie and a game they can play without you having to do anything. Like an age appropriate version of Cards Against Humanity or something. The family edition is for ages 8 and up, and my adult friends say it’s still hilarious.
I hope it all goes swimmingly! (I’m sure it will, and while take out is surely more expensive than a taco bar, it is also easier, which is a GOOD thing.)
I’d maybe buy lots of lip glosses or nail polishes as prizes, but I’m no help about the games – they all sound good, but I will defer to people who have more experience in that area. Gosh, I hope it’s warm enough just to have them in the pool, because that feels like you could easily entertain the kids by them being in the pool! Fingers crossed for good weather!
Oh, I see J’s comment – YES. Movie if there is no good weather. I heard an ad for a game called Poetry for Neanderthals and it sounds absolutely hilarious.
Gosh, we just played board games at tween/teen parties when I was young. No themes! I am no help.
I did recently play the game Celebrity with an older teen who thought it was hilarious. It’s a team game. Basically everyone writes a few names of famous people on slips of paper, then you do three rounds in which each team gets 60 seconds to name as many people as they can on the slips of paper. The first round you can describer the person in as many words as possible (without using names or nicknames), the second round is charades, and the third round is just one word clues.
But I don’t know. I like just giving them some face masks and slowly walking away, too.
No clue as to games/prizes as it’s been a million years since I had a tween. Although, I’ve seen a few “family” games circulating on Instagram. One has different colored cups lined up behind a box and the “contestants” have to figure out the correct order of the colors with their cups. Whoever figures it out gets the prize. Sort of the same concept but trying not to pop the balloon that’s hidden behind the box.
Odds are probably pretty good that this won’t become an indoor party. So let’s put our thoughts toward that. If they have to come in most likely, they’ll figure out how to entertain themselves at this age.
It will be fine! Just keep telling yourself that.
All I know is that whatever happens Carla and her friends are going to have a good time.
I’m a big fan of getting takeout for parties. Yeah yeah maybe it’s more expensive and maybe it isn’t…like you I don’t want to know how much I spend on our parties either way. But it’s just so much less stress.
I’ve got my fingers crossed for no rain!
I’d never thought of getting a lifeguard for a private party, I don’t think it’s a thing here. I’m sure you’ll be fine supervising kids in the pool. We had a number of pool parties for our kids, I think we had no more than ten kids (including our three) and all was good. Although in the area we live most kids are good swimmers. Hopefully there will be no thunderstorms, or at least none that go for the whole party!
Games wise my daughter had a party where they played charades and they enjoyed that and I didn’t need to do anything because we had been given a charades game at some stage.
my go-to back up entertainment is Minute to Win It. there are thousands of suggestions online, many of which use items you have around the house. good luck…i suffer many of the same anxieties you do and i know it’ll turn out great.
The preteens and teens in our family really enjoy Beat That! – The Bonkers Battle of Wacky Challenges. It‘s a collection of different really fun party games, you can play in teams or individually and you can spend as little or as much time playing as you want to.
I’ve no advice, BUT will say I admire your ability to think through all contingencies and find solutions. Good luck.
WELL, I would just like to remind you that I was stressing out in a similar way about my daughter’s birthday party two years ago. She was in eighth grade, and had about ten girls over. The party was mostly in our backyard, but in December so our pool was too cold for swimming. I had the same worries as you- the girls will be bored, it will be a terrible party, my daughter will feel bad and it would ruin her birthday. Everyone assured me that all I had to do was plop down pizza and cake, and everything else would take care of itself. And it did! We did have a small craft- rock painting- which the girls did, but for most of the time they entertained themselves. HOPEFULLY the weather will be nice for Carla’s party and you won’t have to worry about it- and GREAT call to cut the number down to 5. I think you’ve got all safety issues covered. If they do have to come inside, I think any of the things you mentioned would be fun. Whatever is easiest for you- you could ask Carla what appeals to her. Also, great call to order takeout. You don’t need the stress of preparing food on top of everything else. And- those watermelon cupcakes are cute!!!
Good luck- it will be FINE, and I can’t wait to hear all about it.
Games! But only ones that require very little prep on the part of the parents.
Looking forward to the update – it will turn out great whatever you do!
I saw a friend put on facebook that she was looking to hire a lifeguard for a party, and she got lots of responses from teenagers (trained lifeguards) willing to do it, so maybe that’s a thought?
Either way, the thought and planning you’ve put into her party just shows how much you love her and I know she’ll appreciate it all 🙂
I, too, have party anxiety and my girl is like a month behind Carla… They really do change their minds constantly, right? I’m sorry for your lifeguard drama but I think you made the right choice. Judging by how my daughter’s hangouts (not playdates anymore – made that mistake and oof!) have been going, I think a balance between activities and just time to be tweens together is the way to go, for sure. We stay away from Truth or Dare because it’s so easy to all of sudden get weird or uncomfortable but have had great success with get-to-know-you card decks (especially for friends who may not know each other well) like the ones from Do You Really Know Your Family? For favors / prizes, we are all lip gloss and fun sleeping masks or hand sanitizer from 5 Below… Thinking of you! YOU CAN DO THIS!
I didn’t see the meme typo until you pointed it out. What does that say about me?
My jaw dropped that you are planning Carla’s birthday party because if you’d asked me about her birthday, I’d say, oh, she just had that lovely Succulent Party for her birthday a few months ago.
TIME IS FLEETING.
Overthinking is your brand. I died.
I never planned anything other than the kids playing in the pool for all of our pool parties. Oh, wait, I think we also had a piñata in the yard. If it rained, they would play inside doing whatever: Movies, board games, dress up. I never thought to have a lifeguard; we just kept an eye on things. I suppose I wasn’t the over thinker that I thought I was.
You are so much more thoughtful about parties. I skate by doing the bare minimum. I think a pool in itself should be plenty of entertainment! But I know you need a contingency plan in case it’s raining. I think the girls will be happy to be together and likely won’t need much entertainment even if it does rain and they can’t swim. But I am terrible at planning events and really mail it in to the extent possible. Carla is lucky to have you!!
I vote keep it simple. My suggestion might contradict that . . . with the Olympics coming and with a pool on hand, can you do olympic games? Fun, silly games that are not representative of the actual Olympic games. Maybe make teams who do tasks like holla hoop or throw something threw a hoola hoop, carry a bucket of water from the pool to a specific target, swim/walk across the pool with a fake olympic torch and keep it from getting wet, hand off to a teammate, and then a race with a kid holding the other kid’s feet (forget what you call that). Team that completes the olympic obstacle course first gets a fake medal, or fun sunglasses or something else beach as the fun prize.
I’m sorry b-day party planning is such a continual source of stress for you. The lifeguard uncertainty sounds crazy-making.
The good news is, it’s probably almost over. Both my kids had their last traditional b-day party (with theme and activities) when they turned 11. After that they took one to several friends out to dinner (both), or to a play (North), or bowling (North), or had one or more friends sleep over with no adult involvement other than providing a cake and breakfast (North).
That said, I think flamingos, flip flops, etc. hold together fine under the umbrella of beach (pun intended). It sounds fun. I hope the weather’s good and it’s a pool party.
I also think any of the backup ideas above could work. What interests Carla most? Noah loved treasure hunts and had them at birthdays 8-11, but he mostly planned them himself. Were there snafus? Yes. Was it fun for the guests anyway? Yes. (He was a little rude to his guests at the last party when things went wrong and I now think we came down too hard on him, but that, too, was a learning experience.)
I wouldn’t write questions for Truth or Dare. My 11-year-olds would have felt patronized by that. I’d just steer clear of the game if it makes you nervous.
Good luck and happy b-day to Carla. 11 is a big one.
in case of rain – my tween watched the Taylor swift concert movie at a party and thought it was super cool. I think the parents had a color change light for atmosphere and that was it. They danced, sang etc.
Barbie movie is also a good rain back up.
I can only partly relate to this form of anxiety as I never was in charge of a kids birthday. However I did organize multiple scavenger hunts as part of the entertainment. They usually were fun but as you said take a lot of time.
So I don’t have any helpful insights to add besides wishing you a stress free event and the kids lots of fun.
Wow, so many great ideas. As my kids hit their tween years I may expand my horizons with games and crafts, but right now my views on kid birthdays is less is more.
Because of my Soviet upbringing, where birthdays were very modest, my idea of a birthday party for my kids – food, cake, go away and play together in the yard. Or in the designated area of the house. And be grateful that you HAVE a party. Entertainment options: other kids.
As a parent, I honestly do not want any birthday favors to bring home. First of all, giving presents to guests for attending the party is kind of counter-intuitive. Secondly and, majorly, typical birthday favors are mostly crap. Sweets, throwaway plastic stuff, stickers, whoopy (sp?) cushions, and (gasp) slime. HELL to the no. I know, I know, as my husband said, the kids love this stuff. But as a parent, I don’t need it or want it.
I do remember a few meaningful party favors… A book (still have it), a small container of play doh (used up, threw away), a donation to a local pet shelter that was made in honor of each guest in lieu of favors.
Oh my, I do NOT envy you Suzanne… I would suck at party planning for kids/teens for sure! This seems so overwhelming for an A-type person like me (even if you’re probably right that the kids probably won’t care, but they might… haha).
I am no help with the games. They all seem like reasonable fun to me but I am not sure what kids these days find cool or dreadful. Maybe the other parents can chime in (and have already).
I do think that all will turn out fine, it that’s any help (although the lifeguard situation really stinks – what is it with people not being able to give a committed answer?).