Recently I read one of those tweet round-up articles that was something like, “things millennials love to say.” One of the tweets was something like, “Millennials love to talk about what it means to be an introvert.”
To say I felt attacked…
Well, today I am going to WHINE, and possibly (knowing me) at GREAT LENGTH, about being an introvert because I AM an introvert and I am at my breaking point! I am a frayed wire!
My volunteer event is nearing completion, and the lead up is the time when little things go awry and things arise that we didn’t anticipate. I have had ten separate phone calls in the past two days to discuss various facets of the events and two Facetime calls. I spent 205 minutes on the phone calls alone. That is more than an hour and a half on the phone! I do not like talking on the phone!
I have also had a very lovely, very friendly worker in my house for the past four days.
This is my limit on human interaction. I have reached it.
I was already nearing my limit, what with all the houseguests (yes, they have been gone a while now, but I am still recovering). But now I am all topped up, thank you.
I am not being a good friend, I know this. I have a friend I have had to say no to multiple times over the past few weeks because I am either previously engaged (yuck) or because I just cannot bear the idea of spending even an hour with even a very dear friend. I backed out of attending a Moms Night that has been in the works for weeks. I have been ignoring phone calls from another friend. We finally chatted today while I was in the car and she wanted to plan a time to get together when things slow down.
“Let’s get drinks as soon as your event is over!” she said.
I told her I didn’t think that would be a good idea.
“You should just tell your family, ‘look, I’m going out!’” she told me.
My family would be fine with that (because then there would be one less person for THEM to deal with; we are all introverts), but going out with a group of friends for a fun night of drinks and talking is the last thing I want to do. The. Last.
That kind of thing does not energize me. It does not feel like A Break. It feels overwhelming and anxiety-producing on the best of days, and if I did it now, it would have the added flavor of feeling like Just Another Thing I have to endure until I can be alone and quiet.
I want to go to a cabin in the remote wilderness BY MYSELF and sit in silence BY MYSELF for a month. That’s what I want to do. Then, maybe I will feel up to going out with one or two people. Maybe.
It seems as though I am doing NaBloPoMo this month, which is 30 blog posts in 30 days. (Will I make it??? Only time will tell.) Details at San’s blog here.
It does sound like you’re stretched pretty thin. Good you know when you need to say no, though.
Alas, some people are better at accepting a No than others.
You sound exhausted, but I will say you do NOT sound like a bad friend, you just sound like a woman in need of recharge. There will be other Moms Nights and there will be other opportunities to go and grab a drink. Meanwhile, it’s okay to recharge. Nov/ Dec always seem like busy social months, so it’s kind of nice that Jan is a recharge month.
I just realized that I’m implying you have to wait until January to feel recharged and I didn’t mean to imply that!
I know that when I was Book Fair Lady, I wanted to speak to no one and never see children again after a week of it. It was exhausting! I think when I wrapped up the final money count and paperwork I probably just sucked back a bottle of wine.
205 minutes on the phone is too many minutes on the phone, and I don’t even mind talking on the phone. THAT IS TOO MUCH.
Oh no, Nicole – I keep telling this one friend (or, ahem, friendly acquaintance) that we will do something in January. “Maybe we can get the families together for NYE?” No. JANUARY. After our last houseguests leave in mid December, I am going to crawl into a hole and I am not coming out.
Sending you strength, and also wishing the universe would send an unplanned something that suddenly gives you a few hours of unexpected calm and quiet alone time!
Oh my – this sounds like me a few months ago. I literally felt like my skin was crawling from overstimulation and it took me a solid month to recover.
This made me laugh: “My family would be fine with that (because then there would be one less person for THEM to deal with; we are all introverts).”
Like everyone else has said – and will continue to say, I’m sure – in the lovely comments: get out of the water and into the lifeboat. And by that I mean – SAY NO TO EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO SAY NO TO. You are a great friend/daughter/wife – you are just stretched too thin.
Also, I loathe talking on the phone. People who call a parent/friend every day astound me because I simply cannot imagine having to take to someone on the phone every day (I text regularly and do call them 3-4 times a month, but I am just not a phone person. At all). 205 minutes sounds like agony.
Very interesting to have a peek into a true introvert’s mind! I have friends that will flake on me (my feelings about it) but likely they are just overwhelmed and want some time alone (their feelings about it). I am not an extrovert by any means, but do not feel as overwhelmed by interaction as you describe. Perhaps I’m an extroverted introvert.
I hope you get the time you need to recharge, so you can spend time with good friends and enjoy it.
Introvert here and I’m with you about NOT talking on the phone. I dislike doing it, but extroverts don’t seem to get that. I feel overwhelmed when using one, but am a pragmatist who realizes you have to. My sympathies– and good luck with NaBloPoMo. It’ll be fun to see how you pull it off.
When I realized that (contrary to all the propaganda) I hated volunteer events at schools and they did not fill my bucket but drained me, my life got a lot better. It is ok to send a check/Venmo them the money! the school will continue doing what it does, whether the (overwhelmingly and overwhelmed) crew of women shows up or not.
I recently got inspired (desperate?) to plan a “drinks” outing with my girlfriends. I could feel my social skills atrophying. I hate being the one to instigate, for starters. In the end, only myself and one other woman could go — a friend I am totally comfortable with, like very much, have known for almost 15 years. And still, I was somewhat stressed about meeting her. When I got back, after rehashing every conversation in my brain and knowing I sounded dumb/too opinionated/annoying, I was so happy to put on my comfy pants and be on my couch again. You’re not alone!
The cabin sounds nice. 😉
Yeah, based on this I think I’m going to have to redefine my own introvertedness. I definitely want more social interaction than I am currently getting and whenever I try to organize things to happen, it seems like people say no. Maybe I’m just trying to organize with true introverts!
It can be hard to say no, but sometimes you have to! And keep saying it when a person isn’t accepting it. It’s a too-busy time for you right now, and I’m sending (quiet, distant, no-response-required) sympathies to you.
I just want you to know I TOTALLY HEAR YOU. I’m an introvert too, and by the end of the work day (as a massage therapist, I’m around people all day) I’m done. I don’t want to go out with anyone, or go to events at the school. I just want to sit on the couch in my pajamas. I had a very similar experience to what you described- a friend trying to arrange a night out- and even had them say the same thing, ‘Just tell your family you’re going out!” But I don’t WANT to. I really don’t think extroverts can understand this feeling. It’s just so, so draining.
I’m very outgoing yet consider myself a bit of an introvert as well. I try not to label myself though because we’re all a mix of different qualities and sometimes (not always!) it helps me to force myself out of my comfort zone. You know what you can handle personally and should stick to that, guilt-free.
Hi, fellow introvert here. Just want to say that I get it. Being an introvert in a busy world is hard. I know there are levels of introvertedness and most introverts do enjoy some social plans, but social interaction can feel like a chore when your “battery” is already low…
I’m an introvert, too, but most people think I am an extrovert because I am really outgoing and social. But I need time to recharge which is why work travel is so hard for me since you get so little downtime and the days are so long. I want to push back on you saying you are a bad friend. You are doing what you need to do – it’s better to say no than to commit to something when you know you don’t want to be there. I turn things down way more than I used to and it makes me sad that it took having children to feel justified to say no. Now I am very vocal about my bandwidth and will say “I can only commit to one social event/week these days.” People seem to understand. Just hold your ground and don’t guilt yourself into doing anything in the name of being a good friend because what you need matters! And you need a break!
I not only see you; I feel you. We have to go into the office two days a week now and I have to wonder how in the heck did I go in for five days a week for years (I guess because I had to if I wanted that paycheck)? Now, after the second day of dealing with people face to face I am exhausted…and that’s not even ALL the people that used to be in the building and require a re-charge period to do it again the next week. And 205 minutes on the phone? That should be illegal.
I also live in a family of introverts, and (well, this is no surprise) am in complete sympathy and empathy with you right now. I do have a few very close friends that I can hang out with and not experience the introvert lifeforce drain, but otherwise I really have to space out my social engagements too. Oh, and the phone call? *shudder*. Call display improved my life considerably – I used to get major anxiety about having to make phone calls or answer the phone when I didn’t know who was calling.
Girlfriend, I understand every word that you wrote more than you know. I hope that you will treat yourself to a solo cabin vacation (P.S. bonus points if the cabin has a hot tub). As I learned this fall, even a solo weekend works wonders.
205 MINUTES??? I would be in the fetal position in the corner.
Oh, friend. As a fellow introvert, I can definitely understand where you’re coming from and needing to just not deal with people when the event is over with. I always offer a cozy night in as an option for my friends, especially the ones who are stressed with other life happenings. We’ll order pizza and watch a movie on the couch and don’t even have to talk much if we don’t want to. I hope you’re able to recharge your battery when everything is over and your friends understand this need of yours! <3
I feel bad for you. I’m not really an introvert, but I too love my alone/SUZANNE time, so I can respect your quiet desire.
I hope that cabin comes into play real soon.
This is me too! I long to have a solo vacation, or even a weekend just me – no people, no animals, no housework, just me in isolation in a place I’ve never been.
Late to the introvert ‘party’ but, oh, my goodness, Suzanne. I hope that these comments help you see that you need to put you first right now. Well, right now and right through the middle (heck, the END) of January. You. Need. A. Break.
Also, this post + comments makes me want to do a study of the personality traits of bloggers. Or at least, this group of bloggers. Have you ever seen such a large gathering of introverts in your life? I think we all get each other, and isn’t that lovely?
I love it, Anne! My people!
“I want to go to a cabin in the remote wilderness BY MYSELF and sit in silence BY MYSELF for a month. That’s what I want to do.”
This would be my dream come true. Maybe we can get cabins within view and we can wave at each other in the morning during our coffee on the porch. That is as much interaction I would need.