My mind is such a jumble right now. Picture a tiny spare room into which you keep shoving old rocking chairs and boxes of books and a pile of ancient coats alongside a bigger pile of plastic and wire hangers and a music stand and a dusty couch and something covered in a tarp that looks vaguely threatening and some scarves and a stack of binders that keep sliding all over, spilling paper this way and that, and some dumbbells and a bunch of puzzle pieces and board game accessories that have come loose from their homes and a few pairs of stinky sneakers and hell, throw in a tuba and a bunch of bananas and maybe a volleyball net. You know. That’s what’s happening in my brain right now.
It feels full. Not just metaphorically so, but physically. I can feel all those brain furnishings jabbing against the corners of my mind. It may thus come as no surprise that I cannot focus on anything lately. Nothing. I start to do one thing and then another thought intrudes – maybe, “oh! you must write this email before you forget!” – but before I can get through that entire thought, something else has jumped in, waving its arms to be seen, and I can’t remember what I was supposed to be doing in the first, second, or third place.
I am in full frazz. FULL. FRAZZ.
“What can I do to help?” asked my sweet husband, fresh off call week and just wanting to Not Do Things for awhile. And he CAN help with some things, but only a few right now and a few more but not until the weekend.
“Make a list!” he suggested, which is always smart. Except once I made the list, I kept thinking of more things to ADD to the list. I’ll be (supposedly) doing something, and think of something to add to the list, and then by the time I get TO the list, I’ve forgotten it and ruined my concentration on the thing I was already doing. Plus, the list is a nice handy way to keep everything together, but the items are not at all equivalent, and there are some items that have a bunch of sub-steps to be completed and I didn’t list those out. Should I list those out? The other problem is that, now I’m in List Mode, I’ll think of something beyond the immediate needs bulleted on the list – you know, like Christmas shopping or dealing with the annual grief bomb of the anniversary of my friend’s death or summer camp (which I am ALREADY getting emails about WHY). And I’ll get very stressed out thinking about those not-at-all-priorities-right-now because I know they are lurking in the near distance, waiting for me. I have stopped short of putting them on the list, but they are still there. The list is out of control. Everything is out of control.
The only thing that is getting me to complete ANYTHING is adrenaline and a mortal fear of missing deadlines. This is not a healthy way to operate.
(And again! It is mainly good stuff! I should not be complaining! My list does not include things like “find potable water” or “seek shelter” because my home has been ravaged by a hurricane! Life is good! I am lucky!)
Strategies I am testing out, with little to no success:
- Making a list. This did not cure all my problems in the LEAST, but at least I no longer have to frantically catalog everything I have to do in my mind.
- Doing ANYTHING ON THE LIST AT ALL. Even if it’s small, even if it’s the lowest priority thing. Let’s get some momentum going. (The momentum is not interested in joining me.)
- Getting extra sleep. I have been heading to bed at 9:30 lately. I do feel rested, I think? Or, as rested as I ever feel?
- Getting up early. I am not good at this at all. I still feel frazzled but also resentful about being awake?
- Doing something that is not on the list at all. Something that is OPPOSITE of the list, like reading or going for a walk or writing a blog post.
- Procrastinating until the literal last second.
- Buying things. To be fair, a lot of these things are on the list. But some are not. Like the therapeutic pair of pants I ordered from Loft yesterday.
- Complaining to my husband. And now to you.
Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s any actual solution to this current spate of frazz. I just need to grit my teeth and chip away at the list and hope my brain fullness subsides as I complete things.
Ah…lists. Yes this is a tool that I use but sparingly. Last week I had a big list for work and each day I broke it down into a smaller “this has to get done by the end of the day” list. Sometimes I start with the big uglys and sometimes I pick off the low hanging fruit first and use the (theoretical) momentum to take me to the top. When things are really bad I fall back on denial/procrastination and know that I’m going to get most of what I need to do done and wait out the clock.
My best productivity hack is on your list which is doing things that aren’t on the list. Or taking breaks as I like to call it. It is really helpful to just step away from the crae.
Hang in there my friend!
Yes. “Taking breaks.”
It is a relief to know I’m not the only person who relies on the power of procrastination.
You described my actual guest room (minus the bananas). I seriously need to make a trip to Goodwill (or the dump).
I have had the urge this week to make a Big List, although mainly I try to keep my lists to 3 top things per day. This is mostly for work tasks. But sometimes I will put a personal thing on that list, like “Wash towels” when that situation is dire.
Sometimes though, getting it ALL out of the brain and onto the paper is the ONLY way.
Sometimes it really works, too — like, now that it’s on a list, I don’t have to worry about it. But this time it’s just making me stress out more! Ack!
That is a LOT of things, Suzanne! I agree totally with just getting started with ONE THING, JUST ONE THING on the list. The easiest thing, then you can totally get momentum going. I am doing the Apartment Cure 14 Day Decluttering Challenge right now, and it’s all about just little bite-sized things. It’s kind of perfect for what I need to do!
The description of your mind is perfect. Perfection!!! Throw in a tuba indeed.
Oh! I just remembered back when I worked on a trade floor and we would have a big big big position that we would need to change, my boss used to say “let’s just chip away at it” and I think of that all the time. Chip away at it! Like the guy in Shawshank Redemption.
Yes! Chipping away! Or eating an elephant (one bite at a time)!
Ahh, I got a little anxious just reading this email because I know that feeling! Lists always help me because it gets out of my head and down on paper and then I don’t have to remember allll the things. And then your husband can look at said list and figure out what he can own from that list to lighten your load. Keep telling yourself you don’t have to do it all right now – do the next right thing and by right I mean, what’s most urgent or most appealing! But don’t think about the rest when you are doing that one thing.
Hang in there, lady!!
I get like this when I am about to go out of town. Juggling the things that need to be done for the folks staying at home, like meals and rides, and then the stuff I need to accomplish to go somewhere, like packing and laundry and dinner reservations. I sometimes find myself running in one direction, only to pivot and run in the opposite direction. “To the kitchen, wait – no, to the laundry room to start a load.”
I am a list making disciple. I write things on the list like blog post, so that I can cross it off and feel accomplished. I end up circling the things that stand out – priortize getting these circled things done TODAY. List making is key to my survival. Sometimes I just need to start a new list, so I feel more organized and fresh.
Good luck.
I also find making a list helps lessen the mental load. That is a long, list, though.
OOF. Every part of this post hits home for me right now. I have a list. I have a second page of list, when I kept thinking of more and more things to add and ran out of space. I have another page of sub-list breaking down one of the bigger tasks on the original list. I like lists. But just looking at the scope of it all, even the little stuff, makes me want to pull my head in like a turtle and get myself lost in a book. Full frazz indeed!
I think we must secretly be roommates? I am HERE WITH YOU GIRL! I relate on so many levels.
I’ve honestly just gotten to the point lately of having to focus on one single day at a time. When my daughter (whose birthday isn’t until March) asked me the other day if we could start talking about her birthday party I had to say No. Like my brain cannot handle what’s coming tomorrow, let alone today – don’t get me started on something in MARCH!
I have no secret solution, but I am really trying to just stay more in the moment and it seems to be helping with the frazz at least slightly. I’m also learning that a lot of the things I worry about just…don’t pan out. Like we were supposed to have company tomorrow night for supper. I told my husband this morning: I have no plan. Like no idea what we’re going to eat. I’m just going to go to the grocery store before they come and we’ll wing it. I refuse to worry and stress about it.
And then guess what – they wrote today to say they need to cancel (our region is getting hit with a tropical storm/hurricane over the weekend, so they need to be home that evening to prep). If I had planned and prepped…it would have been moot.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m a Type-A, perfectionist, over-thinker. On steroids (metaphorically, not literally). But some things simply won’t matter if they don’t happen. They’re rubber balls that will bounce and you can get to them another time. Or maybe, just maybe, a few of them you can just scratch out entirely without doing at all?
But I feel you on the frazz. And it’s exhausting. A repetitive stress injury of the mind, I think, is how Matt Haig describes it.
Sending you warm fuzzies, hugs, and wishes I could take even a few items off your list. <3
P.S. You're awesome.
We have a spare guest bedroom that is really one big old junk drawer of stuff. I try not to look in it often. I am a Lady of the List. I love them, I make them, then I fret when I don’t get things done on them. It’s my process. I’m proud of it. 🫤
I was talking about how my brain literally never stops cycling thoughts unless I’m meditating or reading and someone suggested that perhaps I need medication. And then I started worrying about that, too. So basically, I’m in the frazz with you.
Full on Frazz. Suzanne, just reading this, I’m starting to feel full-on frazz too. It’s catching! And here I was, trying to relax and not think of the impending hurricane heading towards my home, town, kids, business, etc…😳Thanks for diverting my attention.
Kidding. Really. I get it. You have a lot on your plate and it’s overwhelming. Generally, a list is beneficial for me, but yours keeps growing, which is terrible.
I’m glad you are getting sleep because that is key.
I’m sending up positive mojo and prayers in your direction. *breathe*
The Frazz…we’ve all been there (and, if we (me) were being truthful, are there right now). I’ve heard about doing the big brain dump list (the master list, as it were) and then looking at that list (while we (I) continue to add to that last) and parsing it out into categories of Needs To Be Done NOW, Can be Done later, Is it Important Enough To Be Categorized, etc. Have I tried this method? No, not yet. Somehow, I don’t think it will work for me. We shall see.
I’m more like you in the “do ONE thing and maybe the motivation (or the deadline is LOOMING!) will follow” logic. I agree, this is no way to live but, sometimes that’s just the way it is in that particular season of life.
Am also frazzful. And feeling anxious and dash-around-y about even good, fun things. Then my daugher FaceTimes from university and tells me about all the stuff SHE has to get done before coming home for fall break and I have SECOND-HAND frazz. All to say, I FEEL you! I almost canceled physiotherapy today to get more stuff done at home, which would be very dumb. We took my parents away for the week-end which was fun but not extremely relaxing, and also it prevented some stuff from getting done and…. well. You get it.
Uff. Yes, sometimes the to-do-list is a mile long and I think it’s a good exercise to write it all down and then check things off one at a time (I find that very satisfying). Also, get the low hanging fruits ( = easy/quick tasks) out of the way first if possible. That usually makes me feel like I am getting things accomplished and the mental load gets smaller.
Getting enough sleep is a good strategy in my book, too. Nothing gets done if you’re tired on top of it.
A brain dump is so helpful for me when I get like this! And then I try to organize everything I wrote down into sections and try to do 3 things a day on the list. I usually don’t get those 3 things done, though, which doesn’t help with my feeling of frazzlement (<– totally a word).
I found the Todoist app really helpful for those big goals that need to be broken down into little chunks. I can add sub-tasks for each little thing I need to do and something about seeing it listed out makes it feel so much more doable!