It seems like so many people around me are having babies lately! My husband’s assistant! My daughter’s former teacher! And another former teacher! Babies everywhere! It’s very exciting – there are few things more delightful than a hotly anticipated baby.
Recently, the mom of one of Carla’s classmates had a new baby. This was the fifth baby in that family. Since Carla is classmates with one of the other children, we have known the family for several years now. It’s a lovely family – all the children are charming, well-behaved, and polite, everyone is always dressed and groomed beautifully. I always give a little wistful sigh when I see the mom – who is both physically beautiful and a truly kind, generous person – and her little row of gorgeous kids, because she has a parenting gift that I do not share. Well. Perhaps that is why I have the one child and she has five.
Some of the other moms from Carla’s school got together to do a meal train for this family when the new baby arrived. I love a meal train. Food is one of my love languages, for one thing. Plus, I love it when a family gives you a lot of very specific details about how best to nourish them. Plus plus, I kind of love the challenge of making a meal that I have never made/would never make for my family. It’s kind of like trying on someone else’s life for a minute.
(Me being me, of course, meal trains are also opportunities for a lot of stress. Since I don’t normally make this kind of meal, how do I know if it’s GOOD? What if they have a very specific idea of what Good X is supposed to be like, and I do it wrong? Am I making enough food? Have I included enough options for people who don’t like the main course? Etc. etc.)
When there is a new baby, I always want to give a gift. And I had the same urge for this new baby. I ended up not getting the baby a gift, but that really happened as a result of a bunch of tangled thinking and then running out of time, not out of lack of desire. And so I really want to know what you would get for a fifth baby (or a third baby, or an eighth, or whatever baby is being added to a family of More Than Two).
Here are my thought tangles:
- This family probably already has EVERYTHING they need. This is Baby 5, and Baby 4 is still pretty much a baby. What gift could I give them that they don’t already have?
- But this is a New! Baby! It’s always nice to have something special and specific for a particular kiddo.
- Usually when I give New Baby gifts, I like to give a present to the older sibling; they understand gifts while the New Baby doesn’t, plus, it helps them feel included in the celebrating. But when there are four other children in the family already… well, that starts exceeding my gift budget. Not to mention exceeding my knowledge of what to buy for kids of varying ages.
- And what would I GIVE? I know that gift options and gift budgets vary widely for a lot of reasons, but it seems to me that the moms of Carla’s classmates lean toward the high-end/expensive end of the spectrum. Like… fancy children’s boutique stuff. And I feel super uncomfortable with that kind of thing because how do I know if a wooden rainbow in muted shades of grey would be a welcome gift or in any way worth $28? That kind of thing makes my generous impulse shrivel up and hide. I am much more a Cute Onesie I Spotted at Target kind of a girl, you know? And maybe that would feel… cheap to the mother? Like a last-minute “whoops I need a gift” gift rather than something I agonized over? I don’t know.
So! That’s why I ended up making a meal and not giving a gift. I am sure – SURE – that whatever I chose would have been met with sincere gratitude and effusive thanks, because that’s what this family is like. But I opted out anyway.
I’m still wondering, though, what YOU would get for a fifth baby.
Oh, I love a meal train too! I think it is the most satisfying way to help out, especially when there are helpful “things we like best” kinds of hints.
One of my dearest friends has four children, and for each of them I gave a silver piggy bank engraved with their names and birthdays. But that might be a bit fancy for someone who isn’t a Dear Friend. I don’t know, they probably have everything, but a gift is still a gift and having a not-hand-me-down onesie is nice too.
Ooooh that is such a wonderful idea! I love it!
Food is hands down the best gift whether it’s your first or a successive child. My husband’s motto is “drop off some food and get the heck out of there!”
I think you were wise to not give them anything. They likely do not need anything since this is not their first rodeo. If you really want to do something, I think planning a play date with Carla and their daughter is a good gift – the gift of one less child to manage/plan something for is the best gift IMO! But I am all about the gift of time/simplifying someone’s life!
Mom of five here! If it’s easy to find something with the baby’s name on it, that says, “Here, a gift especially for YOU that is not a hand-me-down!” Kids are so hard on clothes that many things wear out before they can make it to a fifth baby– so even something easy like a package of cute socks could be very welcome. I guarantee you that family’s dryer has eaten a lot of cute baby socks.
Re: older kid gifts– you might consider something like a game or jigsaw puzzle that multiple kids can enjoy together. Or a delivery gift card says to the parents, “Here, take it easy one night while baby is settling in” — and it is also fun for big kids to anticipate ordering in a special meal.
When our fifth child was born, we really did appreciate every acknowledgment of her arrival!
Agree one gift for the older kids (like a set of squirt guns or a sprinkler or a huge pack of crayons) and then I always like giving cute baby sunglasses for the new baby and a unique patterned swaddling blanket. (Amazon has these ones with parakeets on them that were a hit each and every time I got them for folks, regardless of gender). Even with just 3 and not 5- baby stuff wears out and gets grundgy, and there were literally never enough nice thick swaddling blankets… even though I just used them as blankets in a car seat, sun shades, and nursing covers…
I also give a headband, pack of hair ties, a nice scarf, a pack of nice makeup/face wipes, and dry shampoo to the new mom too…
I got two gifts for me when I had Carla (one was a super soft nightie and the other was a collection of little pampery things like lip balm and hand lotion) and they were SO appreciated!
A little pricey, but canvas bags from LL Bean (I think Lands End has them too) with the kid’s name on it is a really good present because they get a lot of use.
Hardly anyone I know is having babies any more, but when they were I often gifted gently used baby clothes, as I am terribly sentimental and I found it hard to give away the kids’ baby clothes unless it was to a baby I knew, but a family of that size probably has plenty of hand-me-downs… unless the baby was a surprise and they are the kind to get rid of things promptly.
A meal is perfect, though. I still remember specific meals people dropped off when North was born. North was six weeks early and had to stay at the hospital a few days longer than me and that seems to prompt a lot of meals.
I am terrible about gift giving. I just never know what to get so I would have been hard pressed on what to get kid #1 let alone kid #2. Making a meal or doing an act of service – now that’s my jam! I’m sure that your friends loved their meal.
I would give something with the baby’s name on it. Fat Brain makes a name puzzle that is always a hit.
I do get nervous about meal preparation for other people because I know what I like but struggle figuring out others’ preferences. Too much cheese? Not enough whatever? I would get something personalized with that child’s name–do people still do photo frames?
For a fifth baby, I would focus solely on a present for the mom – a gift card for a massage, new slippers, or something indulgent and self-care-ish like that. If you really want to buy something special for the baby, I’d go for a personalized baby rattle (I get them from an Etsy shop called SmilingTreeToys) and I’d buy the bigkids a giant thing of arts supplies like construction paper, glue sticks, pipe cleaners, and colored pencils and call it a day.
(I’m also going to be the naysayer. Everyone always says to send people with new babies food or food delivery and I say that’s great if they request it. If they don’t request it, though, I think food is so fraught. At least, it’s fraught at our house. My husband will not eat something that someone else has cooked. And we’ve had a gift card for a local restaurant that someone gave us as a housewarming present five years ago that remains unused because we don’t eat out. Anyway, if folks WANT food – great. If they don’t say that directly, I’d avoid it.)
I HAVE HAD A FIFTH BABY!! If only I could better remember that time, but those memories are very, very sleep-deprived and fuzzy! I do know that FOOD FOOD FOOD would have been very high on my list of things I appreciated. I also did love getting some new baby clothes: by the time I had my fifth baby / fourth boy, a lot of the clothes I’d bought for my first baby boy (many of which I bought used) were very worn and/or dated-looking. I had so many handmedowns I didn’t feel like I could justify buying new things—but I still ENJOYED new things!
I definitely did not expect gifts for the older kids, ESPECIALLY when I had so many older kids! It was sweet when I had just one older child and someone would include a little toy for him along with the baby gift—but by the time one is having one’s fifth baby, one’s eldest babies are old enough not to feel jealous that the baby is getting diapers and clothes and baby stuff. It’s just such chaos all the time, that kind of thing isn’t NOTICED the way it is when there is one child whose life is being disrupted by a second child.
Mom of six here, *raising my hand*. . . “I have ideas!” I agree, the 5th can get lost in the shuffle. I like to do a gift with a monogram or personalized so the baby can grow up knowing THIS WAS MINE. My SIL had her 9th last year, and I sent a blanket with her name embroidered on it. Something smaller, like a lovey with a name might be less pricey.
Someone found a sweater for Reggie that had 5 little bears on it in descending order. And it was so cute as he was our 5th little ‘bear’ that I saved it.
One friend gifted my kids with a unique game of memory. It was candy themed. They all enjoyed it because it was a novelty. We still have it.
You can also NEVER go wrong offering a meal to a new mom.
Entering the fray as a mom of many – I loved getting a new blanket or two that was just for the new baby. (I had a wonderfully talented aunt who would quilt or crochet a blanket for my kids). Also, as people have mentioned, clothes wear out/get stained, so new onsies or sleepers were always welcome. I will usually give a 6 month size rather than newborn, so the child has something new to grow into.
I also give a nice board book (one of those black/red/white ones, or a Sandra Boyton one) because they’re wonderful for kids and they also wear out over the years. I think we’ve gone through 3 “moo,baa,la-la-la” ‘s and at least the same number of “brown bears”). durable but not fussy. I also like a nice, small rattle. (Some of the toys they market for infants – crazy big!)
Do not buy a mom of many anything that can’t be thrown in the wash, dishwasher. or hosed off outside.
As for food, fraught for me. Once my sister had 6 cheese pizzas delivered – perfect. Some for now, froze the rest for later. However, I am a picky eater, my kids can be weird about food, and I have some vegetarians. So it can be a problem, as my husband does not need to eat 6 servings of stroganoff. So I avoid food unless asked specifically for something.
For the siblings, try a small snack pack – a box of juice pouches, some crackers or microwave popcorn, and some fruit snacks. Easy treats for when mom is busy with infant. Someone did that for me with #10 and I loved it.
A gift card for mom is nice ( I got one from my coworkers with #3 as I had no clothes that fit.) However, don’t make it too fancy or something she can’t use without a babysitter. Or offer to babysit while she goes out. (Hold a newborn for 2 hours – win win in my book!)
Honestly, anything is nice – you’re celebrating this awesome new baby!
One of my standard go-to gifts for a new baby (first or fifth) is always diapers (usually, I’d make a diaper “cake” with various sizes) and usually a cute outfit or something. Though the baby years are WAY behind me, I do remember that we went through diapers at an alarmingly quick pace.
Well I just had my fifth baby so I feel qualified to answer as a recipient! My favorite gift was a meal. By far. Sometimes people threw in a pack of size 1 or 2 diapers in the side and that is practical and appreciated, too. I always think I won’t need the help but when it’s suddenly dinnertime it feels SO good to have someone stop by with something ready.
I had a 5th baby almost 2 years ago, and food and food gift cards were of course the best gift. But! I also adored the sweet little splurge gifts. Baby shoes that were super fancy and impractical, really soft bamboo pajamas, designer swaddle blankets– just small, lovely things I didn’t include in my very practical 5th baby inventory.
I only have three kids, but as a gift to the older kids a neighbor brought….the Melissa and Doug music set? Whistles, drums, a tambourine, etc. My kids loved it, but the baby rarely got an uninterrupted nap until it got “lost” on top of the fridge. WTF, neighbor? My favorite gifts were homemade (knitted hat etc) or FOOD.
Omg 😳
I bought a fifth baby present not too long ago and I went with a very cute matchy dinosaur pants and onesie set (dinosaur knee patches!) and also a dinosaur plush teether toy. I know this child will have lots of hand me downs, but having had several boys myself, I think it’s nice to have some brand new, theirs only, outfits.
This is admittedly slightly self indulgent because I love baby clothes and mine are well out of the baby stage.
Mom of 2, ages 2 and 4 months and we want several more kids:
I think the meal is the best gift, honestly. Even with just 2 we have so much baby STUFF. I feel bad complaining about it because people have been so generous and I am truly grateful, but also it gets overwhelming and becomes things that I have to sort through and deal with and then go through the emotional work of deciding what to pass along to someone else/am I wrong for getting rid of a present from person X etc.
If I had to get a physical object for a new baby who was not baby 1 or 2, or the first baby of a gender in that family, I’d get/do one of these ideas:
– I love making a simple knit hat for a new baby, especially if it’s not baby1, because it’s lovely for there to be something created just for this particular baby.
– a set of blocks or something similar that the big sibs can play with until baby is old enough, and it’s likely an add on to something the family already has (for me if it’s more blocks or duplos or something it feels much less like One More Thing to manage)
– consumables like wipes, diapers, baby soap etc
– a small collection of fun little items for mom and dad. A couple friends gave us a little basket with bath bombs, a couple nice bars of chocolate, small bottles of hand lotion etc after our second was born and it was a really thoughtful gift.
But again the meal is probably the best thing (especially if you add a lot of sides/extras like desserts or make a second freezer entree, which really elevates it in my opinion)