May is chaos. I was whining to the mom of one of Carla’s classmates recently about busy I feel, and she said in a gritted-teeth, long-suffering voice, “That’s just how May is. And it will get worse as the kids get older.” So that was cheering.
It feels like I was just chugging along, doing my thing, and then suddenly realized that I have fifty deadlines heading my way and I am only partway through each project. Luckily, this isn’t true (at least in the paying work sense; I am on top of those at least). But it FEELS that way. Worse, it feels like everyone else has alsosuddenly had the same realization. My email inbox is jammed with teacher conference requests and reminders to schedule my gutter cleaning and invitations to end-of-year parties and check-ins about summer swimming schedules and gently scolding messages from camp to fill out my kid’s many, many forms already and notifications to update school payment plans and on and on.
We had, in the past week, an invitation to a musical performance at Carla’s school literally three days before the performance itself. And then a notice, seven days ago, from Carla’s teacher, that the class has themed days all this week – and require things like sandals that I had not yet purchased. Then we had to schedule a meeting with one of the teachers to review Carla’s goals for next year. And I (stupidly) signed up to volunteer at a big end-of-school carnival. Not to mention, we get alerts near daily about Covid cases in Carla’s grade. Plus, Carla’s been working on her big Eleanor Roosevelt research project. IT’S A LOT.
I have not felt up to most things lately – reading, cooking, planning meals, blogging – but I miss those things (except planning meals). So let’s try a random info dump. I will try not to complain TOO much, but no promises.
Zoom Awkwardness: While I am deeply, sincerely grateful for the ability to meet with people virtually, I wish someone would figure out how to solve the end-of-meeting awkwardness. You know what I mean. When you have all already said goodbye, but then you have to fumble around to find the button that ends the meeting. I realize that this awkward moment lasts maybe five seconds, but I find it excruciating. Often, I find myself distracted in the last moments of the meeting itself because I am trying to plan my exit in the quickest possible way. But no. Even if I can find the “end meeting” button ahead of time, I inevitably fumble it, or forget that I’ve carefully hovered my cursor over it for exactly that purpose, or the “are you sure?” box pops up and I just want to die of embarrassment. I realize this may not be as big a deal to some people as it is to me, and obviously I have lived to zoom again, but I HATE IT. Just let me out of this virtual discomfort!
End of Year Teacher Gift: Every year, our Room Parent (i.e. Room Mom) collects money for a class gift. Every year, I dutifully send in money. Every year, I fret and worry and scour Etsy for an additional gift that my kid can give to her teacher, personally, on top of the considerable amount we have already sent in. Every year, I decide that the collective gift is BETTER – usually it’s a gift card, and I’m guessing it is much more useful/appreciated by the teacher than whatever dumb crap I could come up with – and exit Etsy without buying the personalized water bottle/bookmark/coffee mug I was pondering. And yet, despite going through this for SIX YEARS NOW, I inevitably find myself in the last week of school, fretting and fretting about the possibility of being the ONLY person who doesn’t double gift with a physical gift in addition to the cash contribution.
Road Trip: I am doing a right terrible job of Not Complaining, so let’s talk about something positive. My husband and Carla and I are going on a Road Trip this summer!!!! Aside from the astronomical cost of gas, I am really excited about our Road Trip. (Yes, I am capitalizing it.) We finalized all our hotel stays over the weekend, and so now I am gleefully shopping for Road Trip Necessities. This is what my father refers to as a “Tool Buying Opportunity,” which is part of what makes the planning portion of something (an event, a hobby) as enjoyable as or more enjoyable than the actual thing itself. My husband is researching the best family audiobooks to buy (or check out from our library) for our trip, and I love that this is the way his trip planning excitement manifests. He has already played a few samples to Carla, so that they can figure out whether she’ll have trouble understanding the accent of the narrator.
Birthday Planning Stagnation: Despite ALL of your lovely suggestions, I have made ZERO progress toward planning Carla’s birthday party. Zero. This fills me with dread and anxiety. However, I will say that with every confident, encouraging comment about hosting a party here, I grew more and more entrenched in my certainty that having a party in my home is NOT the right way to go. So that was extremely helpful, and I am so appreciative. I genuinely envy those readers who are so easy-breezy about hosting an in-home birthday party. You make it sound so easy! And fun! And like the better choice! But my gut was clear: NO. So whatever we end up doing, it will be somewhere else. Your kind, helpful suggestions also clarified for me something that I already knew – but did not know I felt with such stringency – which is that I loathe trampoline parks. We used to take Carla when she was smaller, because it was a great way to release her endless reserves of energy in the dragging months of winter. But even then I always felt like I had to be careful not to touch ANYTHING, and I would always through Carla in the tub and her clothing in the washing machine the instant we returned home. Perhaps this speaks more to the cleanliness of my local trampoline park than to anything else, but since that’s what we have available, I am going to skip it. So I suppose even if I haven’t made any forward progress, I am at the very least narrowing the field. Thank you so much for your help, even if you may feel like I am ignoring your very helpful recommendations. Your advice is helpful nonetheless.
Handyman: In other good news, I finally finally got a handyman to not only return my call, but to come over and look at my long list of projects!!!! He seems great. He reviewed things and took measurements, and was very clear on things he can/will do and things he cannot/won’t. The most important result, though, is that he CAN and WILL repair our ceiling. I don’t know if I’ve described our ceiling hole in this space, but I am going to do so now in case you want to skip to the next equally riveting bullet. It is not a hole, per se. It is more like a place where the plaster has declined to provide its normal coverage. The plaster is peeling away from whatever material forms the ceiling, and so it looks like a hole. We have had the spot examined several times by a plumber (and by our fathers), and it does not appear to be a leak. And it’s been there for YEARS, so I think we would know by now. But this stupid plaster lapse makes me so self-conscious about our house. It looks terrible, and it’s right above the kitchen table, and I hate it. And now it will be fixed!!!! Of course, there is no scheduled date for the fixing; the handyman warned me he is booked out for several weeks. So I guess now I am just hoping he really will send me an estimate and offer some dates. I almost don’t care what it will cost because I want it fixed. But then again, I have no idea what this kind of thing should cost, so… I will report back on whether it is a swallowable amount or something that kicks me in the gut and forces me to live with the stupid hole for longer. Like I said, we’ve been living with it for YEARS, so it shouldn’t be such a big deal to keep on living with it. But at some point in the past few months, I have reached some sort of tell-tale heart level of complete inability to co-exist with this thing for one second longer.
Calendar Bedlam: Recently, I am having an issue that makes me think my mind is on a steep decline. I keep making plans, putting them in EMPTY SPOTS in my calendar, and then realizing – sometime later – that I have double booked myself. Example 1: A friend invites me to a performance. I check the calendar and see I have plans that night. I decline. Later, a friend invites me to dinner. I check the calendar and see I am free, so I accept. The next time I talk to the performer friend, she mentions the day of her performance… which is on the day I originally had free but now do not. Example 2: I set a playdate for Carla. The next day, I notice that she in fact has an orthodontist appointment that day, so I have to reschedule the playdate. Example 3: I have to do a mandatory nicotine test per our insurance, so I schedule it in an empty spot on the calendar. I get a reminder for the test at the same time I get a reminder for a meeting with Carla’s teacher, because I have scheduled them in the same time slot. WHY AM I DOING THIS AND HOW CAN I STOP.
Dirty Martinis: I recently learned the joy and beauty of a very, very dirty martini. My whole life, I have been staunchly anti-vodka, but it seems that may be because I have only ever had cheap vodka? I recently had a martini with really good, smooth vodka and it was delicious. Then I made one at home, with the fancy expensive vodka my father-in-law drinks, and it was also delicious. I am now out of olive juice.
Jury Duty: My stint of jury duty went GREAT. The summons said that we needed to be available for five days, beginning on a Monday. So I prepared to be gone that entire week. When I did jury duty several years ago, I went in on a Monday, sat around all day, and then was called to a courtroom near the end of the day. I wasn’t selected for that jury, but I was released from jury duty for the rest of the week. This time, you call a number in advance of your service and figure out if your jury number has been selected for that day. I got to miss two days, but my number was called for Wednesday. Then I arrived at the courthouse, sat around all day, and… was released. I didn’t have to go back at all! It was… kind of pleasant? Of course, the anticipation was the dreadful part. I had to worry about childcare for Carla for the whole week, and then I had to worry about driving on a freeway during rush hour, and I had to worry about parking downtown. But once I had Carla stowed at school, had made it downtown, parked, and successfully made it to the courthouse, it was fine! Pleasant, even! It was a beautiful day and we got ninety minutes (!!!!) for our lunch hour, so I got something from Starbucks and walked around downtown. I was even a teeny bit disappointed that I didn’t get selected for a case – I think it would be interesting to serve on a jury. The biggest inconvenience of the week, it turned out, was that I kept having to email the school to let them know that Carla would or wouldn’t be arriving early for babysitting services.
Step Off: My watch has developed quite an overblown sense of its own roll in my life lately. Constantly telling me to stop and breathe, or noting that I am usually more active at this time of day what is up????, or advising me that I can “still do it!” if I just take a brisk 20-minute walk at 11:15 pm on a weekday. And now this??? Stay in your lane, watch. I am doing the best that I can.
Keto Stall: I feel the need to give you a keto update. During my extravagant jury duty lunch hour, I ordered coffee with cream (despite the fact that I hate coffee) and a pre-made lunch kit that seemed to be fairly keto-friendly: salami, cheese, and some nuts/dried fruit that I ate even though I’m sure it was full of sugar. I did not eat the crackers. Anyway: I continue to follow a low-carb plan. And I have completely stalled. It is SO frustrating. I am doing the plan, I am eating the high-protein/high-fat foods. I am in ketosis. And yet my weight has gone nowhere. It wouldn’t be so terrible except that I HATE it. Food is not fun or enjoyable. I do not look forward to meals, and in fact actively dread them. I cannot stand to plan meals, because they are inevitably some variation on meat + veg, or else they are complicated and frequently end up tasting awful. I am constantly asking my husband what I should make for dinner. I am not having fun, I am not losing weight, it is all awful. And yet any time I LOOK at a carb, I instantly gain two pounds. So I don’t think I’m ready to quit keto either. At least I am maintaining this not-quite-ten-percent-of-my-bodyweight weight loss. ARGH.
A Good Salad: I did make a really good salad recently. It was arugula (yum) and spinach (yuck), heavily weighted on the arugula side for me and on the spinach side for my husband (who dislikes arugula). I added goat cheese, blueberries, strawberries, a sprinkling of sliced almonds, and grilled chicken. And then I added balsamic dressing because I love dressing as much as I love sauce. (Perhaps this is causing the stall in the previous bullet, perhaps indeed, although I don’t eat salads often because of the dressing factor.)
Strawberry Marketing: The strawberries in the aforementioned salad were PINK. My grocery store had a big display and they had a lot of marketing to assure customers that the strawberries are fully ripe! And taste like pineapple! I had to try them. My husband wondered if they might taste like underripe strawberries and indeed they did. They were fine with some goat cheese and balsamic dressing though, but NOT worth $6.99 per container when I can buy actual ripe strawberry tasting strawberries for $3.50. Between these berries and the miniature iceberg lettuces, produce marketers are really working hard for their money, let me tell you.
Garden Inertia: Let us turn to another pleasant topic, which is gardening. Of which I have also done ZERO. What the hell am I doing with my time, if I am not cooking or gardening or planning Carla’s birthday party? I am fretting and wringing my hands and going in circles is what. We have people coming for dinner this weekend, so now I am suddenly feeling Very Urgent about having at least some flowers in pots. It’s not like my “garden” is anything impressive. But I do like to have a few pots with flowers and I need to do that. Perhaps Carla and I will go after school.
Spring Shopping Syndrome: In addition to fretting/hand wringing, I have been struck by Spring Shopping Syndrome. You are familiar with this yes? The point at which the weather begins to edge carefully toward warmth and suddenly you hate every single item of clothing you own? I have been buying (and then returning) things with great abandon. Loft has been my latest obsession, and they know it: they keep emailing me with adorable dresses front and center, and so I order the dress and then it doesn’t fit and I take it back. But, to get free shipping, I added on a cute blouse, and that DID fit, so now I have that sweet, sweet dopamine rush of clicking “buy” alongside the possibility, however small, that the item I bought will be cute, which makes me want to repeat the process all over again. Interesting how I am able to analyze this behavior and see it for what it is and yet I still can’t stop/won’t stop.
All right, that’s it for now my dear Internet.
What’s clogging your calendar this month? Have you made any springy purchases? Tell me which deer-proof flowers to buy for my garden.
I only have a minute, but can I just tell you that I would throw the watch out the window if I got that kind of message? Wow, device, you are OVERSTEPPING there, back off!
Right?!?!
End of teacher gift: Have Carla write a thoughtful thank you note. That’s what the teacher wants. Not more stuff, particularly since you’re already in on the group gift/gift card.
Handyman: Oh, I’m so jealous you found a handyman who returns your calls, actually shows up, and wants to do work. We have called approximately a million handypeople and only a few call back and most will just laugh at the small odds and ends jobs we would like done. I guess I’ll put on my big girl pants and figure out how to fix things myself. (NOTE: This will not happen.)
Calendars: I’m TERRIBLE at using calendars. Why? I’m a responsible adult, but I honestly have no clue how to use them correctly. Some of it’s because I can’t make my work and home calendars synch, so even now I KNOW there’s a day when I scheduled an eye appointment on the same day as an important meeting and I’m going to have to delay one of them and that means phone calls and this problem would have been avoided if I could make my calendars align. I hate it.
Jury duty: It does sound so pleasant – like a state-mandated date off. Sure, you had to do some stuff to make it possible, but then you got to eat Starbucks and walk around downtown and have a long lunch and you didn’t have to decide on someone’s lifelong fate and that sound so lovely to me.
Arugula note: The previous owners of our house planted arugula all around the back perimeter of our house. My husband and I do not care for arugula and once it’s planted, it takes hold and will NEVER leave, so I have pulled and pulled and pulled arugula and still it persists. And I do not care for how it smells, but the smell permeates through the house. So, can I send you all my arugula? Because we don’t want it anymore.
I am HERE for an arugula exchange program!
I’ll take some arugula off your hands, too!! 🙂
I have the end of the year stuff currently staged on the dining room table which is great but also means no one can use the dining room table. Because yes, it’s a lot of stuff. I haven’t found that it really gets worse though. Elizabeth is in seventh grade and she has a lot of stuff but she mostly deals with it herself now. I have had to obtain gift cards for her teachers and fruit roll ups for her end of chorus party but she’s doing most of the May nonsense on her own.
My calendar has done that a few times lately too. I looked at the calendar to schedule something and it was empty so I wrote down “Alex booster visit” and then I came back the next day to see that “ikea kitchen planning” and “Alex booster visit” conflicted. And I KNOW that I put ikea kitchen planning in weeks before and I know that it wasn’t showing when I scheduled the booster visit. I am certain this was not my error but was in fact the calendar’s error. So there’s a glitch somewhere. (My double scheduling was resolved by Alex getting bronchitis and not being able to go to her booster visit and then she politely slept through my ikea kitchen planning zoom call. So it all worked out. But I know it was the calendar’s fault.)
I am very glad to know it’s not me who is having calendar issues. Maybe my calendar app is malfunctioning too?
You presumably know how I feel about May (thumbs down for anyone who doesn’t know). Solidarity! I have had each of those situations – concert with only 2 days’ notice, costume week surprise, etc.
We had very very similar holes in our ceiling and I was mortified about them, and yet still had to have people come over and they saw them. Our most recent one was in our dining room so I managed to keep events out of there (kitchen/casual events only) and it was mostly my parents who saw it, but still. Hope yours gets fixed fast and to your satisfaction.
I’m on Team Arugula, I’m side-eyeing those pink strawberries, and am now curious about martinis.
Yes, do a martini! So surprisingly yummy!
Zoom Awkwardness, I have that too. Those meetings make me queasy, unlike a Dirty Martini that brings me back to life. I’m thrilled that you got a handyman to come to your house! That’s a pipe dream of mine. I’m not familiar with pink strawberries, but might give them a try. Maybe.
I wouldn’t suggest going out of your way for the pink strawberries. They are pretty and that’s about all they have going for them, in my opinion.
I bought those pink strawberries, called “pineberries” here for the reason that they were supposed to taste like pineapple. I thought it would be a fun treat. They tasted just like strawberries, but less ripe. They did not taste like pineapple. They were about 3x the price of regular strawberries which, at this juncture in our lives, is expensive. I am still a bit salty about it.
The salad looks great though! I would eat the hell out of that (without the chicken) and I would drown it in balsamic because I, like you, am a Dressing Girl just like we are Saucy Girls.
Your May sounds like what my Junes used to be when the boys were that age and I am exhausted just thinking about it.
I really like vodka – I was a latecomer to gin, in fact I thought I hated gin because I’d only had the cheap gin. Then a friend made me a Hendricks and tonic and omgggggggg. But I do have a soft spot for a good vodka.
Ruffles and crop tops are keeping me from Spring Shopping Syndrome this year which is great, because I’m thinking of doing another 1 year no-shopping challenge. Maybe! Maybe.
Alas, Nicole, we both fell victim to Big Strawberry!
Sorry this month has been so stressful!!
If it makes you feel any better, I don’t do any teacher gifts at the end of the term. I give Christmas gifts and that’s it…
It is certainly one of the last things I should fret about!
That’s a good looking Eleanor board! Great job Carla!
Yes this is a crazy time of year and I think that inertia is the best way to get through it. Just dig in until all of the craziness passes. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
I don’t think the pineberries taste like pineapple either, nor do I find them esthetically pleasing. May is a very busy and stressful month for parents and students. I still remember those days although my “kids” are nearly 36 and 32. September was another trying time. I’m not good on Zoom; I’m not usually awkward but zoom makes me feel that way. When do I talk? Is it my turn? Do I really look like that? What should my expression be when someone else is talking?
Birthday party idea: see if a craft store in your area does birthday parties. My daughter was thrilled to have a party at Michaels and I think joann’s offer birthday parties, too.
Family friendly audio book suggestions: the Vanderbeekers of 141st Street; how to train your dragon series; Matilda; because of Winn Dixie or anything by Kate DiCamillo
Those “pine berries” remind me of one winter working in the fish department of Petsmart when I was in college and we got an ENTIRE shipment of white/off white bettas. They didn’t sell for WEEKS and so I made a sign that called them Snowflake Bettas and they all sold that weekend! Big Strawberry and Big Betta had similar ideas, methinks.
Feel like I was a bit harsh on the Pinterest birthday fretting last post? I was totally- sorry! I remind myself often we’re all allowed to like different things! And if we also allow for things we DECIDE to fret over- that’s okay too! I assume it’s similar to what we call “breaking your own heart” around here. This is where we (mostly me or the girls) Make the decision to whip ourselves up into a tearful mess by reading a sad book, watching a sad movie, or choosing to interpret motivations as the very very worst when having a conflict. So like- we gots plenty of tears and fretting going on, just over different things!
And I must say- though I loathe goat cheese with the fires of a thousand suns, that salad looks AWESOME!
No, not harsh at all! I thought every comment was so helpful – even if it helped me clarify my own feeling around what I wanted/feel capable of doing.
Snowflake Bettas is GENIUS.
I’m here in the land of One Kid in 10th Grade to tell you there’s no end-of-the-year rush of activities here, to the point I actually miss it a little. Noah had band concerts through the end of high school, but North’s not involved in anything performative since the spring musical was in March and they didn’t act in the one acts that just happened. (We did go, but just to see their friends.) And the activities that happen whether or not your kid is in an extracurricular (carnivals, art shows) got rare after elementary school and pretty much ended after middle school, I think. You’re in the thick of it now.
And even though I advocated for a party at home, you should absolutely follow your gut. It doesn’t sound right for you this year.
Oooh – the point where you miss all the activity… Such a good reminder that this is phase.
Oh, please do update on the handyman/ceiling situation! I have a popcorn ceiling in my family room, and apparently there was a leak from the tub upstairs before I bought the house. It was fixed and badly patched, so there is a section that looks awful. It’s the one ceiling Dave never got around to fixing, and I’ve been wondering if it would be prohibitively expensive to get it fixed. (But ideally I’d love to get rid of the popcorn too, which would make it a huge job.) I just live with it, so I totally get it.
Love that jury duty turned out to be so pleasant, and that your husband is testing out audiobooks with Carla. So sweet! A road trip sounds so incredible, yay!
I will keep you posted — especially about the pricing. I am very nervous for the estimate to come in!
Don’t even get me started on those “pine berries.” They taste exactly like strawberries and weren’t any sweeter. 🙂
I FEEL YOU on the May craziness. We have been right there with you. It’s been nuts. Things are *finally* coming to a bit of a wind-down now, I think. School gets out at the end of this week. I’m ready for all the “events” to slow down.
And I also 100% am with you on the shopping thing. I feel the exact same about my wardrobe- I just want to burn it all and start over. But I also hate shopping. And online shopping stresses me out- I feel like I can never decide what size to order (you know, does the item run “true to size”? Or “small”? or “big”? UGH.) I also don’t want to overbuy things in like, 3 sizes,either, because returning is a hassle…Do you have a Loft near you? I love Loft, too, but we don’t have a shop near us and I think they charge to return stuff. I just got hit with a return fee on a recent J Crew order, which makes me extra cranky about the whole process. I literally asked my husband, How on earth does everyone else buy their clothes?? We seem to have such limited “real” stores near us anymore, besides like, Kohl’s Department store. Yet online shopping makes my head spin…. Is everyone else just buying and returning stuff and hopefully getting an item here or there that actually works??
I can’t remember if you have read The House in the Cerulean Sea, but that might be a good one for a family road trip! I think it might be appropriate for Carla?
I’m so glad that jury duty was not as stressful as you imagined! Isn’t it funny how our brains work us up so much?!?! Ugh. I just wish logistics weren’t so anxiety-inducing for me! Hooray for a pleasant experience!
I agree with NGS and would have Carla write a note to the teacher. I bet that will mean more than anything. That is what I think I’d want if I was a teacher. We give our kids’ daycare teachers cash at Christmas time and then again as a thank you when the kids move out of their room. I feel like cash if king/always appreciated. But I am so not a gift person at all!
I have not heard of these pineberries but I am certain my husband would call BS on it. He does all of our grocery shopping is extremely skeptical/a hard core questioner!! I will have to ask him if he’s seen them.
Our May is very quiet because we are on this never-ending covid isolation/quarantine train. Our 18mo can’t go back to school until 6/1. I feel like every day has about 40 hours in it. It’s been nice most days so we take tons of walks. I hit 10k steps before 9am yesterday!!
That is a bummer about the keto plateau. You could consider trying something else? I have done weight watchers several times and have a lot of success with the program so you could give that a whirl? I like that it’s not super restrictive. It’s all about choices/trade-offs. So if want a bowl of ice cream, I can have one, but then I will eat through all of my extra weekly points so will need to be very disciplined for the rest of the week. All fruits and non-starchy veggies are 0 points so you can eat as much as you want and then you get other 0 point items, but it’s customizable. So my zero point items were popcorn and oatmeal. I stopped tracking this winter but probably need to get back on the plan because I think some weight is creeping back on. I’ve used the program to lose as little as 10-12 pounds and as much as 40. I lost 40 on it when I did it for the first time back in 2008.
I had completely blocked the end of year insanity that is May for parents. You have my sympathy.
Speaking of calendars…our home/personal calendar is pretty easy to manage. The work calendar is a different story…dealing with the the four time zones in the US is hard enough to manage; throw in international people and their time zones – it’s a nightmare. Particularly, when the UK folks use their system for dates (6/5/2022 instead of 5/6/2022).
Teacher gift: I second what NGS said… let Carla write a nice Thank you Note and remind yourself that the teacher doesn’t need an extra mug/picture frame/whathaveyou from every single one of her students. (s)he’ll appreciate the gift card and won’t have to figure out with all the other stuff – thoughtful gifts, but still “stuff” that she got.
Calendars: I put everything in a paper planner AND in my phone calendar (where I can set reminders for things) and don’t have as half a busy schedule, i am sure, as you have!
Handyman: I hope he’ll come and fix the ceiling. It would bother me too and it should be an easy job for someone who knows what he’s doing. Fingers crossed he has an appointment opening soon!
Watch: I’ve heard from other people that the messages from an Apple Watch can be pretty bold. But at least they vary… my Garmin either says “Move” (shortly after I completed a full workout! LOL)… and some Garmin models even tell you after your workout that your workout was “unproductive”… NOT COOL, Garmin.