advice please

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Five for Friday

My poor husband is STILL not caught up on sleep after his call week, so I am continuing to make his coffee for him every night when he inevitably falls asleep early before taking care of it. Last night, I managed to grind the coffee beans for too long – the grinder makes a terrific racket, but somehow I stuffed it into the far reaches of my overstuffed brain and just FORGOT that it was on, merrily grinding away. So I ground too many beans and had extra grounds, and so as not to waste them, I made myself a pot of coffee this morning and now I am at the Visible Trembling stage of caffeination. 

Also, I have SIX PHONE CALLS to make today. SIX!!!! That is too many phone calls! How will I get through them all?!?! That is why I am procrastinating. Although no one is quite awake yet, I think. So I am just wasting time until I have to CALL people. So many people!

  1. What kinds of flowers should I buy? We are about to list our house for sale. (ACK!) The realtor had a few suggestions for how we should spruce up our house. Most of the suggestions were very simple: remove family photographs, clear surfaces, thin the books on the bookshelves. Okay, I can do those things. But at the very end of her visit, when we were touring the outside of my house, she said, “Add some flower pots to the front here.” I dutifully wrote this down, but honestly I have no idea what she means. No idea! I am happy to buy more flowers – of all the things I can spend Sprucing Money on, flowers are at least FUN and PRETTY, at least until I kill them. But I don’t know what she means or how to execute whatever it is she envisions. (She is a wonderful realtor and human, but I will be unable to get any additional suggestions from her. When I tried to gently prod, she said, “You can look it up online.”) (I looked it up online and am STILL CLUELESS. I even walked around our neighborhood to try to find things to emulate, and nothing!) Do you know what I should do? Do I buy a bunch of marigolds and shove them into the ground around the perimeter of the beds? Also, we have DEER, who are JERKS. (They just ate all the beautiful, flourishing petunias in my backyard, the jerks.) How would you spruce up this area with color? Here is a photo of what it looks like now: 

I will note that Carla’s rock pile has been relocated. She was allowed to keep seven precious rocks. The others now make up the border of another, smaller bed.

Also, my petunias are hanging in there, by the skin of their teeth. I hate to toss them, since they are still blooming. But they are so RAGGEDY. Tell me, should I say goodbye to the petunias (not pictured, due to raggedyness) and get something else? (And if so, WHAT?) This whole area of the house gets lots of direct sunlight (we face east), so I think the petunias are suffering from a combination of benevolent overwatering and sun crisping. 

  • I have been totally slacking on my exercise routines. I have also been eating more comfort foods (nachos, pizza) than I want to be eating at this time in my life, but listen. Sometimes you just need to eat what you want to eat. Sometimes nachos feed the SOUL. But the exercise! I NEED that, for my mental health. And I have just not been finding time. Also, the last couple of times I have managed to grab an extra 30-60 minutes to devote to working out, I have injured myself. I did a really great workout (it was a Tracy Steen workout, but I can’t find the specific one), but it had some lunges and on one lunge I felt a muscle in the side of my thigh just… clench, I guess is the word. It hurt, at the time, and then it was painful to walk for a few days, but then it was fine. And then the next workout I tried had SO MANY LUNGES. I need to not do lunges, I think. I know some people avoid burpees in a workout (I get it; I am not a fan), but I need to avoid lunges for awhile now. I wish I knew a good alternative to lunges, like a modification that I could do that would work similar bodyparts without straining anything. I also tried tacking a seven-minute ab workout on after a brisk walk outside, and it was SO HARD. How can a seven-minute workout be SO HARD? (It was so hard.)
  • No matter how many interviews I give, I never get less nervous. Interviewing subject-matter experts has been a part of my writing work for… decades now. I like interviewing people and learning about their passions and getting them to talk about how they got involved with a particular industry and discovering what makes them get out of bed in the morning. It’s invigorating, talking to someone about something they love. And yet, I still get SO ANXIOUS in the hours leading up to these calls! Yes, calls! They are not even in-person interviews! Sweaty palms, knotted stomach. I am also one of those people who can’t accomplish anything else until an appointment is over. Maybe not, like, a doctor’s appointment. But certainly if I am speaking with a subject-matter expert in advance of writing something about/for them, I can think of nothing else until the call is over. This works out okay if the call takes place first thing in the morning. But if the person I’m speaking with is in a different time zone, forget about it. The day is TOAST. 
  • Speaking of things that make me anxious: I had an initial consultation with a therapist. I was, of course, deeply anxious about every step of the interaction, from the initial email to the actual call. But she seems very nice and comes highly recommended from a friend. So we’ll see how it goes. She was very upfront about saying that if we have a few sessions and I don’t feel like she’s the right fit, she will happily help me find someone who will be a better fit. I liked that. I feel really, really stupid about pursuing therapy. My life is full of gifts. I am, in the majority, happy and healthy. Also, I am extremely self-centered and so have thought a lot about what my “issues” are, so I’m not sure a therapist will have a lot to add in terms of insights. (That’s a very arrogant way to think, I see that.) And yet, I do think I could benefit from therapy. Especially if I can learn some techniques to help avoid negative self-talk and to be more proactive about expressing my needs/boundaries and to be a better/more patient parent. I also think that if I had a friend in my position, I would encourage her to reach out for some therapeutic input. So I am trying to be my own friend. I’m doing it. But I still feel like I might potentially be wasting this person’s time, and/or be taking up a slot that could be going to someone who REALLY needs it. 
  • I bought something(s). Because we are in a phase of CULLING, not in a phase of acquisition (unless you count acquiring packing paper and bubble wrap and endless boxes), I have been trying to discourage BUYING THINGS. But… Loft got me. There’s this dress that I bought last year that I LOVE. It is literally the only thing I own that always gets compliments when I wear it. It is SO comfortable and SO flattering. Plus, you can just throw a denim jacket over it in the fall and wear it then, too. Then this summer, Loft came out with the same dress in a few different colors. I resisted buying any of them ALL SUMMER, and then Loft had a $40-dresses sale, and I even resisted THAT. But each time they sent me an email advertising the dress, I would go look at it… and even put it in my cart. And then of course I would get emails saying, “Don’t forget…” or “It looks like you left something behind…” or “Lots of people are buying this dress, don’t miss out” and all other sorts of super creepy tracker-y things that I hate and yet were hugely effective. I kept thinking about the dress and thinking about it. And finally it was on sale for 48% off – just a little more than the $40 it was at its lowest. So I bought it in three other colors. They haven’t arrived yet, and I can and will take back one or all should they not be as cute as the original. But I’m kind of excited about having more dresses.  

What are you thinking about this Friday?

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In Need of Advice

One of the things I love about blogging – and this blogging community specifically – is that we are all roughly Going Through It at the same time. I feel very comfortable sharing the ups and downs of life, because it seems like you are going through similar ups and downs. Or have recently done so, or are in a stage I recognize quite well from being In It myself fairly recently.  The commiseration is so bolstering, and I find the helpful hints and advice that your share in posts and comment sections to be invaluable. 

Sometimes I need specific and mundane advice, like “what’s the best mascara,” and other times what I really need is more of Life Coach Guidance. Lately, I have some questions of both varieties that keep going round and round in my head with no resolution, and I am hoping that you might have some helpful hints or advice to share. Anything and everything would be useful.

Girls’ Weekend: I find myself in charge of a dear person’s Major Birthday celebration, or at least in charge of Getting The Ball Rolling (what I am hoping to do is come up with two or three really good ideas that I can then share with the birthday girl, and she can – hopefully! – choose one option.).  But I feel COMPLETELY OUT OF MY DEPTH. Yes, the all caps are necessary. You, however, are much more social and well organized than I am, so I am turning to you for help. WHAT CAN I DO for a low-key, not exorbitantly expensive girls’ weekend? 

The birthday girl is not particularly picky, which is good… but also, it would be nice to have more specific guidance… OH WELL, we do not have more specific guidance, or any guidance at all outside of the request that the four invitees “spend time together.” And also, children are not invited. 

Here are some things that are important but add to the challenge: The birthday girl does not drink. She does not really eat. She is not particularly outdoorsy. These things are helpful for ruling options out. My initial thought was spa weekend! That sounds lovely and doesn’t have to involve alcohol or lavish meals or hiking/biking/skiing/swimming. But I did some research into spas and/or hotels with spas and they are SO EXPENSIVE. I don’t even know what the budget should be, but it should not be LUXURY WEEKEND level, you know? For example, one hotel-with-spa I looked at was $788 per room per night. This is not even taking airfare into account, or the cost of spa treatments; this is lodging alone. AND THAT WAS ON THE LOW END OF MY RESEARCH. Oh: that’s the other thing. I would want us to all have separate rooms. I mean, I suppose some combination of the others might want to stay in a room together, but I require my own room. This could be four bedrooms in a rented house (although my husband says he no longer trusts Air BnB for reasons that are not entirely clear? Do you still trust Air BnB?) or it could be four rooms in a hotel. For ease of travel, the celebration probably should be near Chicago or New York City, which are relatively easy for each of us to get to via plane. (Are there awesome girls’ weekend options in Madison? Minneapolis?)

Do you have any ideas? Any ideas at all???? Literally the only idea I’ve had, aside from “spa weekend,” is “go to NYC and see a play.” But even THAT makes me hyperventilate because… Which play? Where would we stay? Where would we eat? What else would we do besides see a play? I honestly hate New York City. BUT. The birthday girl does not, and this is about her, not about me so maybe that will be one option to present her. Which still leaves me in need of at least one other option.

What would you want to do for a girls’ weekend? Have you been on any girls’ weekends or family trips or couple’s getaways or work events that were especially fun? Why do I keep thinking about axe throwing? I do not want to throw weaponry!

I have never been to a spa party. It sounds fancy and fun. Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Protein Powder: Is there a protein powder that doesn’t taste like… anything? I really want a protein powder that has NO TASTE. I had a long conversation with a chatty nutrition expert in the supplements aisle of my grocery store the other day, and she recommended I try Epic Protein by Sprout Living. Mainly, I think, because I told her I wanted to try a sample before I spent $20+ on a giant tub of protein powder and the options were sort of limited. I got the chocolate maca flavor and also the vanilla flavor. It took me a long time to try either of them, and I have only finally tried the chocolate one. I blended it up with some coffee, ice cubes, vanilla extract, and skim milk and then threw in a tablespoon of mini chocolate chips for good measure, and it was… drinkable. Not good; I would not describe it as good. It was far, far less disgusting than the only other protein powder I’ve tried. It was a Garden of Life vanilla powder and I mixed half of a sample packet into a homemade Orange Julius (almond milk, orange juice, vanilla extract, ice) and it was so horrific that I had to pour it out without finishing it. The chatty nutrition expert said that all protein powders taste like something, but… really? 

You know this is a stock image because I would never put peanut butter in my smoothie. Nor would I… sprinkle oats??? all over the counter. (Photo by Leah Rolando on Pexels.com)

Annual Birthday Planning Angst: Speaking of birthdays, which I was awhile ago, Carla’s birthday is coming up and it is once again time for me to stress endlessly about her party. It always works out and yet I have so much anxiety around every aspect of her party each year. This year, Carla has Very Specific Ideas, which, as you might recall from several paragraphs ago, I was begging for. In this case, they are perhaps a bit TOO specific. She would like a wolf theme. She would like a three-layer cake; the middle layer should be chocolate, the other layers should be white; there should be raspberry something between the layers; the frosting should be GREY. Deep breaths. I cannot picture a grey cake, which sounds the opposite of appetizing, so I will do some googling after this. But the cake is honestly the LEAST of my concerns.

For her party, Carla would like to do a nature walk and then go to a park somewhere. Okay, so the reaction to that is probably, “Aww! That’s so cute! That sounds lovely and low-key!” And it is, it is lovely and low-key. She is such a nature lover and that makes me so happy and obviously I want her to have the party she wants. And yet… HOW am I going to pull this off?

Here are my concerns: 

1. My child is turning ten, and presumably will invite other ten-year-olds. Won’t they find a nature walk kind of boring???? Part of me says, it doesn’t MATTER what the other kids think, as long as Carla likes it. And this is partially true. It’s Carla’s party; it should be the party she wants. But also, we are inviting friends to join us, and I think that creates an obligation to entertain said friends. And also also, if her friends are bored, isn’t that going to make her feel bad? These kids are 100% at the age where one of them might announce, loudly, with an eyeroll: “This is the most boring party ever.” That would crush Carla! 

2. HOW am I going to arrange a nature walk? I don’t know about nature! Carla cheerily suggested that we bring her iPad and load up Merlin Bird ID so we can all see which birds are around, which is pretty much the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard, but deeply impractical when you are talking about hosting multiple ten-year-old children. We are fortunate to live near some beautiful nature preserves, but the parties they offer seem more specific (about bugs or about fairies, in one case) and also geared toward younger children. One local science center offers a bird-themed birthday, which could be okay… although part of the entertainment is dissecting an owl pellet. This is 100% in Carla’s wheelhouse, but once again I wonder: will her guests enjoy that? Even if they aren’t squeamish, they already dissected an owl pellet in school, so it won’t be new or exciting. A friend suggested geocaching, but I know NOTHING ABOUT THAT. Is “geocaching party leader” a job? Can you hire people to do that? 

3. We cannot do a nature walk and then go to a park. Just being adjacent to thinking about transportation logistics – not even actually thinking about it! – makes me dizzy. 

4. How do you wrangle/keep track of 10-15 ten-year-olds during a nature walk? Wouldn’t we need extra adults to help? A friend very kindly offered her services, but… can I do that to her? I could probably hire a couple of babysitters to join us, but then we have two extra people to fit into the planning. Are there… nature walk games that we can play? What would those be?

5. WHAT IS A WOLF THEME? What does that mean? Is that even a thing?! I have not googled yet, and I suppose that might help allay some of that particular worry, but… WOLF THEME?!?!?!?!?!

I am not sure I have mentioned it here, but I have a weird phobia of wolves. This photo gives me the newbie jeebies. (Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com)

Housewarming: If all continues to progress as needed, my parents will be moving nearby this summer. It is SO exciting. I would love to get them a housewarming present, but… what? They aren’t big on stuff, although they will need to buy all of the normal day-to-day items necessary for living in a house. For various reasons, things I normally think of as “standard housewarming” fare, like wine or candles, are off the table. I could splurge on some really fancy Champagne; they would probably like that. Maybe a big pile of books about local drives or local hikes? A welcome mat? New towels? (But how do you buy someone towels without knowing their color scheme?) When we moved into our house a million years ago, I would have loved a gift certificate to Home Depot or the like. But it feels a little weird to buy a gift card for one’s parents. I suppose “feels a little weird” isn’t a reason not to do it. But maybe there is a better idea? 

Is a welcome mat too personal an item to give as a gift? (Photo by Andrew Neel on Pexels.com)

So Many Gifts: Thinking about a housewarming gift reminds me that this is the time of year when I need to think of So! Many! Gifts! My niece’s birthday is coming up; she will be seven and likes Pokemon and STEM activities. Our Girl Scout troop leader is retiring; we need something for her, but I don’t know what says “thank you for expending a truly heroic amount of time and energy on my child over the past five years.” Probably we will contribute money to teacher gifts, and then maybe do gift cards for Carla’s activities coaches? And then Carla will be TEN, which feels like an opportunity to get her Something Special… but I’m not sure what that would be; she is very spoiled. (We are not getting her a phone.) Plus, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are coming up, and I am just… idealess on that front. Lots of gift giving opportunities and my brain is refusing to come up with anything reasonable for any of them. Have you given or received any really spectacular gifts recently?

Oh geez this photo reminds me that not only do I need to BUY the gifts, I have to WRAP them, too. (Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com)

Good Socks. All of my socks are terrible. I think I have only recently noticed this because I now wear shoes in the house every moment that I am not sleeping or showering. Every day, I wear a pair of ankle-height athletic socks. It seems like every pair either has holes in them or they slide down the back of my heel while I am doing normal things like walking. I tend to buy those big packages of Puma socks and the like from Costco, and maybe the solution is “spend more money on socks.” Is that what I need to do? What socks are worth spending money on? I do have two pairs of compression socks that I rather like. But I can’t find either pair for some reason right now. They are hiding. I would love to do a massive sock purge and replace all the crummy socks with new, super awesome ones. Do you have socks you feel particularly evangelical about?

These are not at all the kind of socks I am looking for, but they seem so cozy. (Photo by Lum3n on Pexels.com)

Okay, I think that’s it. I am both less stressed than I come across in writing, and more stressed than probably is reasonable, and I would LOVE your advice. Even if it’s just a CORNER of advice, like, “I have no idea where you should go for your girls’ weekend, but I just went axe-throwing over the weekend and it was so fun!” Or “Three years ago, I bought my dad THIS and he’s loved it ever since.”

And if YOU need advice, please, ask away. Perhaps one of the wonderful members of this community will have JUST the suggestion you need.