It’s Friday, Carla has the day off from school, and I slept in until SEVEN, which is amazing. My only plans for today involve a home improvement project with my dad (and Carla, hopefully; she is so far resisting the idea, but I think she will be interested once the impact driver makes an appearance) and meeting a friend for an evening adventure, so I am curled up in my office with a mug of tea and a few minutes to muse ramblingly (ramble musingly?) about this and that.
Why only a few minutes, you ask, when I just clearly laid out how empty of plans my day is? Well, I am in the middle of reading a novel that I cannot put down, and I can feel it pulling me even as I type. It’s a romance featuring a single mom in her mid-fifties and it’s funny and heartfelt and SO GOOD. Also, Carla will be awake eventually and I should probably do some parenting.
This reminds me that Carla and I have gotten into a good rhythm with audiobooks. WHY did it take me so long to figure out that we should listen to audiobooks in the car? We’re in the car together for at least an hour a day, which is a decent amount of time for book listening. The only “problem” with it is that I don’t get to hear Carla’s cheerful chirping in the morning. But… sometimes she is less chirpy anyway, and an audiobook is a good alternative to mother-daughter sniping. We’re listening to Just As Long As We’re Together (bookshop.org / amazon) right now, and oh, how I adore Judy Blume.
There is this scene where the girls are discussing a hunky ninth grader and one girl says he’s sexually experienced because he has hairy legs – and… what??? Is that a real myth of days past? I remember reading that as a kid and kind of accepting it at face value, but now that I am an adult, it strikes me as so odd and funny and gross. Of course, I had to stop the audiobook and explain to Carla – over embarrassed groans of I KNOW, Mom – that this is in no way accurate, you cannot judge a person’s sexual experience based on their appearance, and trying to do so would be weird and gross anyway. Judy Blume sure provides a lot of opportunities for Discussion. How long will it take for Carla to figure out that I am trojan horsing books to sneak in Important Conversations???
You know who else really knows how to write about children? E. L. Konigsburg. Before the Blume book, Carla and I listened to Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley, and Me, Elizabeth (bookshop.org / amazon) and it is so funny and such a perfect depiction of friendship. Carla doesn’t remember reading From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, (bookshop.org / amazon) so I have that on hold via Libby. Konigsburg has a bunch of other books I’ve never read before, too, so perhaps we will explore those as well.
Suz posted the other day about how she resolved a potentially fraught neighbor situation by going over and talking to her neighbor. (I fully realize that this does not always work, even if, in an ideal world, simply talking to our neighbors about our needs would solve all our problems.) So I thought of Suz last night when the kids next door were out playing a noisy game of basketball until eleven pm. In general, I adore kid noise. There is something both soothing and joyful about the sound of children shrieking and talking and even the thwock of ball on concrete and the thwang of ball against basketball rim have their own sort of pleasant rhythm. To an extent. And that extent, for me, is ten pm. However… it was not a school night. Carla was already asleep. My husband is at work today, but he is a night owl so wasn’t yet heading to bed. My internal monologue went something like:
Ugh. This is SO LOUD. And the basketball hoop is right outside my bedroom.
But it’s the first warm evening of the year, pretty much! And there’s no school tomorrow! And they are having so much fun!
What if I let this go tonight, and then they are out until midnight every night this summer?
Just chill out. They’ll go in eventually.
I could text their mom and say something cheerful about how fun it is to hear them playing, but maybe they could call it a night at ten?
You know your attempts at being breezy and cheerful often come across as strident and angry. What if you damage your relationship with the neighbor forever?
But she was so nice when we asked her to move the spotlight that was shining straight into our bedroom.
See? You’ve already used up your neighbor credits. Just put in some ear plugs. It’s not like you ever sleep anyway.
Maybe if they’re still out there at 10:30, I can just pop out the door and say, “Hey guys, can you head inside? We’re trying to sleep!”
OMG, don’t talk to the kids directly! Go through the mom! Go through the mom!
I thought I wasn’t supposed to talk to anyone about anything?
Oh. Right. Also, keep in mind that occasionally you allow Carla and her friends to play in the pool until pretty late at night.
Hmm. I guess that’s true. Not until ten, though!
Still. Better not rock the boat.
Anyway, they went in at eleven. I’m pretty sure the cut-off for noise stuff is ten, though… but I don’t want to rock the boat. Would you?
Speaking of summer, we have had a couple of nice summer-feeling days, and a couple of awful dropped-in-the-worst-humidity-of-summer-feeling days, and I am not excited for more of the latter. I get SO SWEATY. The older I get, the more I sweat; the more I sweat, the more painful rashes I develop (TMI alert: my underarms are a MESS right now), and I am not a fan. I’m doing a lot of googling about clinical strength antiperspirants, which is not so much my idea of fun reading. I’m also adding a lot of anti-chafing products to my various online shopping carts. If you are similarly afflicted, what are you go-tos?
The promise of warmer weather has enticed a variety of flying bugs to return. I’m all set with our mosquito repeller device (home depot / REI / amazon) for sitting outside, but I really wish there was a device I could wear while walking outdoors. Oh look! Thermacell has a portable repellant device (REI / thermacell / amazon) that I could try!
One thing that we are all excited about as summer approaches is the arrival of our cat. The breeder sent me some new photos of the kittens yesterday and they are so fuzzy and adorable I can hardly stand it. Between myself and Carla, the cute aggression is off the hook. We don’t know which kitten is ours yet; we are on a list and I think the people above us get priority to choose, or else the breeder assigns specific cats to people. They are all adorable so I am trying not to have a favorite.
(Not sure if I have spelled it out before, but we are getting a cat from a breeder; I acknowledge that this sounds kind of ridiculous yet here we are. I am allergic to cats, which means that I need A Special Cat that is less likely to be allergenic if I want to own one. The breed we are getting is Siberian, which supposedly has lower levels of the protein that triggers cat allergies. I hope you know that I would rescue ALL THE KITTENS at all the shelters if I could; I adore cats and would prefer to adopt one that needs rescuing, but alas.)
We are still debating cat names. My favorites (Craig, Stephen) have been rejected. Carla is now set on Leonardo, which I am not opposed to. My husband and I have latched onto Rick Steves, as a tribute to our favorite adorkable travel guide. I think Rick comes pleasingly close to Craig in terms of ridiculousness for a cat name, and Ricky is a great nickname. Plus I love the idea of envisioning a whole personality for our cat that involves khaki slacks, dad jokes, and a penchant for local beer, skipping the crowds, and drug policy reform.
Abrupt subject change: do I want an Oura ring? (best buy / amazon) Part of me thinks it would be cool to collect more data about the quality of my sleep and workouts. Part of me thinks it wouldn’t help or change anything. If you have an Oura ring, please tell me how it’s changed your life (or not).
Okay, Carla is awake and I want to snuggle her, exercise, and eat something before my dad arrives! See you on the flippety flop! (That means probably Monday.)
You remind me that I need to give audiobooks another chance. I don’t know why I reject them when I also know they’re a good thing.
Thermacell’s portable repellant device sounds interesting. Wonder how it does with cicadas? We’re supposed to get a huge brood this spring. I do not like cicadas. I want them to go away any way I can make it happen.
I got an Oura ring for my birthday and I love it! I find the data super helpful, especially data around when my body is stressed and I should prioritize rest. I find it more accurate in terms of sleep data than my Apple Watch.
I’m so curious about the book you are reading! I love books with a middle age protagonist!
The late night basketball thing is so annoying! We had something similar with a family on our block. We never said anything because we are not great at conflict. I sleep with ear plugs so that helps. It was especially bad during the pandemic but then we felt like the kids had no other outlet. But this family’s kids are consistently loud and it is so annoying. They are definitely ‘that family’ on the block. I wish their parents would do something but I don’t wish it badly enough to say something.
I forgot to weigh in about the Oura Ring. I have one but only because my husband had an issue with his (the battery wasn’t great) and he got a free replacement from Oura so I inherited his old one (the battery lasts about 5 days for me).
I really like it. I love getting “credit” for housework and other movement during the day. But mostly I really find the cycle tracking (it will tell me what day my period is likely to start with startling and VERY helpful accuracy), sleep (can get a bit addictive, so just know that going into it – don’t fret about your scores as sometimes I don’t find the “readiness” to be accurate at all), and temperature/resting heart rate (which alert me when I’m getting sick).
I’d 10/10 recommend but it’s definitely not for everyone. I guess I’d ask what it is you’re most hoping to track.
If you end up buying one, let me know because I’m pretty sure I can give you a 10% off referral code through my Oura account. I only learned that AFTER Lisa bought hers 🙁
As a kid I loved “From the Mixed Up Files…” but I don’t think I ever read “Jennifer, Hecate…” I’m reading a lot more children’s/YA lit these days because, you know. Hooray for reading/listening to books together with the progeny!
I don’t know about anti-chafing products. I do know I have had a TERRIBLE time buying hose/tights to wear with dresses. I am of a certain size now, and have probably spent more than $200 on failed legwear, including the failure of 3 different large sizes of hose while getting dressed for one important family wedding. I had to go bare-legged, which I despise doing. Would buy online but I need some assurances first from some people that the online store is legit and their products are legit but I am too embarrassed to ask on social media. That must be why I am rudely hijacking your blog post here.
On late-night basketball: I think I would have done the same thing that you did. Noises like that drive me insane but I also don’t want to annoy the neighbors.
One time I shoveled snow off my driveway at 3 AM (it was so peaceful and beautiful at that hour!) but people in my life said they thought the noise would be annoying to the neighbors. From a manual snow shovel?! But I decided not to do that anymore unless circumstances are severe, such as expecting 1 foot of snow overnight.
(Mother in the Gen X generation commenting; also college professor): please, please, please say something directly to the kids about their basketball noise. Do not go through the mom!
Rationale: Gen Z has grown up with everything flitered through their parents. I now have students who simply can’t deal with the slightest conflict or criticism. It’s impossible to teach people or improve anyone’s writing without having the basic skills of understanding that criticism is not about you personally, it is about what you are doing wrong at this point in time (like at 11 o’clock on a Thursday evening).
Given the context you provided, a simple, “hey guys, great to hear you having fun out here, but it’s getting a little late for us…” is likely to land well, and, it’s a good deed for the world.
I know you didn’t really ask, but my 2 cents.
We live in a townhome complex with a pool, which is right outside our window. Sometimes people are in the pool after hours, and when they are we generally do say something. I think if I were in your shoes, I would politely ask that they cut off the noisy basketball at a reasonable time. You can’t be the only neighbor this bothered. And you could couch your request with, I know sometimes my daughter and her friend(s) are in the pool late, if the noise is ever after (specified time), please let us know.
Oh, we loved ‘From the Mixed Up Files…’ around here. I haven’t read the others you mention, though of course I do love me some Judy Blume.
Oh, and how exciting about the kitten! I hope that the lower allergen level works for you!
Also, Rick Steves is the PERFECT name for a cat! But you can’t call it Rick, you have to call it Rick Steves EVERY TIME.
I was about to say I don’t think there’s such a thing as a ridiculous cat name when I remembered that Xander came to us at four months named Spanky and that had to go. Matthew was named Matthew. Who takes a pair of brother kittens and names them Spanky and Matthew?
Anyway, I’m happy with our new cats’ names, but I have a “one that got away” feeling about Graham. I think Walter would have made a good Graham.
I adore you!!!!
Now, I have opinions with regards to the cat. Everyone can mind their own fucking business, if you want a cat from a breeder get a cat from a breeder! Ahhhhh it makes me so mad when people get all smug and adopt don’t shop – bitch, you don’t know my life! (Barkley was from a breeder as we have similar allergies in our house and needed to ensure that was taken care of) (Rex was also originally from a breeder, although of course he came to us from someone WHO WAS ALLERGIC TO HIM even though he’s “hypoallergenic”) Anyway, that attitude always makes me so mad. I SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR CAT OBTAINING METHODS is what I’m saying. Also, I love all sorts of ridiculous names for animals. I would have never chosen Rex as a name as it’s kind of normal, if I could choose it would have been something silly like Fozzie. Personally I love Leonardo!
Woof, I do not know what I’d do about the basketball situation. I guess I’d see how long it lasts, if it’s more than an occasional one-off, I’d say something – but I’d do it in person because texts can get weird. Maybe take over cookies or something and just mention that the hoop is right by your bedroom and you go to bed early. You could even throw your husband under the bus “he’s a doctor, he has to work early” or something of the sort.
I do have a suggestion for the chafing! I use Monistat Chafing Relief Powder Gel every day, since I found (after moving to Florida) that my skin would often get irritated under my breasts and belly. This stuff feels slippery but not sticky, and it has completely stopped the problem for me. Two thumbs up.
I am very excited for your cat! Cat names are funny things, and I say embrace that. Of course, I never had to work with someone else’s ideas about naming. That’s one benefit to being single: selfish pet naming!
You had me at random! What’s the book that you’re reading right now that you can’t wait to get back to? I missed that part. I don’t remember anything about The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil Etc but I do remember that I loved it.
Eek the neighbors. This is something that would freak me out either way…it would make me anxious to say something, and it would also make me anxious to lie awake at night continually thinking “well, they’re not going to be out there all night so I shouldn’t say anything” and then in a constant loop of talking myself out of saying something and then I’m stuck with a crappy night of sleep.
I can help with antiperspirants, if only to say Me Too. I went through a phase in my 30s where my armpits were perpetually stinky for no reason. Certain Dri did the trick. I never had to use it every day, but a swipe every few weeks did the job. Then my body chemistry shifted back to “any old deodorant will work” territory and I haven’t had to use it for years.
Kitty!!! It is going to be such an awesome summer with the new little one. I adore both Leonardo and Rick Steves for names, though I think I like Rick Steves a little better. And yes I approve of the names whether you end up with boy kitty or girl kitty. Speaking as someone who has a shelter dog, it is A-OK to get a pet from a breeder. It is OK for any reason, but especially if you have allergies and can only have a specific kind of pet.
I love Leonardo for a name- so distinguished ( da Vinci!) and fun ( ninja turtle!) Many nick-name possibilities too. (Full disclosure: I really wanted to name one son Leo/Leonardo , which did not survive the husband’s scrutiny, so I admit to bias. We used Linus instead, which is still whimsical and serious .)
However, I can see a cat being Rick, or Mr Steves, if he’s a businesslike cat of distinction. I hope you get the call to pick up the kit soon!
I can’t wait for you to get this kitten. Clara is just going to be beside herself from happiness. My husband loves cats but I’m very allergic…but I don’t really want a cat, so I’m going to pretend I didn’t read the part about breeders being able to help with the allergy side of things.
So I haven’t tried this, but I have heard putting a bit of benzoyl peroxide (which is an anti-acne thing) on your armpits is amazing and basically removes all odour? Again, haven’t done it myself. I can only use some extra-strength Michium. None of the natural stuff ever does a THING 🙁
Oof. I’m not able to give good advice on neighbourhood issues. On one hand, start as you mean to go. On the other hand, things can get wild…in a bad way. I’d have your husband tackle the issue. I find people take “complaints” MUCH better from men and I bet he wouldn’t stress about it. And I agree with Nicole about the whole “I’m a doctor and I need to sleep SO I CAN SAVE LIVES.”
My husband is very sensitive to deodorant/antiperspirant and the only thing that works for him is Tom’s of Maine unscented. If he uses anything else, he breaks out into a horrible rash.
You know, I’ve never listened to an audiobook. Why? I don’t know but I may need to look/listen into that.
I am pretty excited about the cat, and about the cat name. I like Rick. It hits that charm level for me, too.
Oh gosh. The neighbor kids playing b-ball till 11 pm? No. Not having it. That’s loud, if it’s right out your window. I hope it doesn’t become the norm. Good luck on the project. Our daughter Rae has a tough time with deodorant – nothing seems strong enough. The kitten arrival is coming up and I’m excited for you. The names are all fun. If he is Leonardo, would he go by Leo? Rick Steves is so funny.
I’m not auditory at all so I’m not sure that audio books would work for me. I think I would like them otherwise, if I could just pay attention. 🙂 Since he is a local and a great guy, I approve of the name Rick (Steves). I loved my RS tour of Scotland and will probably try Ireland next. It’s weird to say this, but I never worry about bugs/mosquitoes unless we’re camping. They’re not really a problem around here. You are going to have so many great cat stories and photos!!
a dermatologist on Instagram recommended hypochlorous acid spray for gently killing bacteria in underarms. She also said benzoyl peroxide or hibiclens. The benzoyl will bleach things though so I don’t think I’d try that.
I like gold bond friction defense but have also used bodyglide. A friend likes the stuff from megababe. Gold bond is cheaper.
Leo! Ricky!!! I CANNOT WAIT to meet your cat! And, how fun that you get to see him as a tiny kitten. You guys must be so, so excited.
That basketball situation is hard. I would have done the same thing you did, with the same thoughts running through my mind. Hopefully it won’t become a new summer thing- then you would have to say something. Like the other commenters suggested, I would use your husband as an excuse.
For long runs, I use Squirrel’s Nut Butter to prevent chafing. It works- not sure if the other options people mentioned here are cheaper or more convenient though. I don’t have a sweating problem, but I have noticed that the older I get, the more angry the heat makes me.
Have a lovely weekend!
Re: the basketball- I think personally I would wait and see if it is a recurring thing. I know the first warm days always bring a unique excitement, plus the no school days…. it’s very likely the boys will retreat to their video games soon enough. ha. If it is a recurring issue though, then I think it would be worth saying something, especially if occurring on weeknights!
I love the Rick Steves name!! I also have a real fondness for him- I truly find his guide books so easy to use and we have done his audio guides before and they are so goofy and funny. Hahaha.
Please say something to the basketball kids… *you* deserve to make the choice about whether you’ll sleep or not.
I love the idea of a three-generation project–I hope you all had the best time!
I have tried so many anti-chafing products. My favorite is Megababe because it’s in a stick so I don’t have to get it on my hands, and it goes on smooth. Some of the others are too stiff for my skin, which pulls and hurts. My skin has become fragile, like cling wrap, and sticks to itself. Ugh! But Megababe doesn’t help with sweat.
I love audiobooks! How wonderful that you’ve introduced Carla to the delight of audiobooks!
I suck at audiobooks except in the car, and I’m just not in the car for that long anymore (thankfully) except when I drive to Hamilton for Eve, and I also just really love listening to music when I’m driving. Eve is just getting into audiobooks though, and it’s great for walking to and from campus.
I LOVE your Dad Cat names. I had a co-worker once whose daughter insisted on naming their cat Larry and my co-worker wasn’t thrilled but I thought it was fantastic. And no apologies needed about the breeder. I get kind of tired of the ‘adopt don’t shop’ scolds, especially because I know quite a few people who have gotten shelter dogs and then dealt with behavioural and health problems to the tune of thousands of dollars and much misery. I know dog breeding can get pretty sketch and research should definitely be done, but unless someone is adopting the pet, they don’t really get a vote IMO.
We have had a couple nearly springy days and then more winter, and I’m not over the moon about it but I also hate the swampy heat so I guess I’ll just count my blessings. My friend just mentioned treating her armpit acne and wow that sounds painful. I use gel deodorant for all the chafing – I bought some stuff that was supposed to be for thighs and it did zero, so I just use Secret gel in Vanilla for that too.
Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley, and Me, Elizabeth was my favorite book in 6th grade. I wanted to be Jennifer, I kind of still do.
Judy Blume is so great, I was just on a touristy tour and it went past her bookstore, who knew?!! So I had to go right in, she wasn’t there…but you could buy a book and she’d autograph it and send it to you. How cool is that?
Have fun listening to all the great 6th grade books, they are the best.
I truly cannot get over naming the cat Rick Steves so even though I don’t get an opinion in this, I want that to be the kitty’s name so badly! A CAT NAMED RICKY. I die.
Just As Long As We’re Together is my favorite Judy Blume book! I had such a tattered copy when I was younger because I read it so much.
I want to know more about the Oura ring if you get one. I love the idea of getting more sleep/activity data and not having to wear a clunky watch on my wrist at all times.
I love that you are sharing audio books with Carla; also, this opens up a lot of important dialogue and hello: those things should be discussed.
Never heard about the hair leg part, but I had a friend who while in our teens told me that once you start having sex, your butt cheeks grow/spread out. HA. Can you imagine?
Ok, the cat thing. I get it! You are special and you need a special cat. (not said with sarcasm, which is unusual for me) You need a cat that works with your family and your allergies. Naming a pet is so fun, and a bit stressful. I saw a cat a few years ago named Catsy Cline and I can’t get over how genius that was!
The basketball boys would be annoying, but I would wait and see how many nights this goes on. If it continues, I’d ask that the noise be limited after 10. That seams reasonable, right?
So…. my take on the b-ball situation? Say something I’ve dealt with kids screaming (yes, screaming) and running down the hall during gatherings in our community room, which is just catty-corner from my apartment. Yes, it’s in the early evening, but screaming? No. I said something to the parents (these were littles, not teenagery types) and then to the apartment manager, who instituted a “keep the doors closed and the kids out of the hall” rule for gatherings. It’s working well so far. So I get it – but that was my choice, and I did have the manager to run interference, so…
I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU TO GET YOUR CAT. I am on tenterhooks waiting for the name decision.
Also? I read and loved Mixed Up Files, but I have NEVER heard of that other book! Do I remedy the situation? Hmm… I shall ponder. (Also, audiobooks with Carla = one of the Best Ideas EVER! Especially when you can trojan horse Big Discussions, LOL.)