This morning I grabbed a (used) glass sitting on the island in our kitchen, filled it with water, and drank the water.
I figured, “Eh, the glass was used by either me or my husband, so what’s the big deal?”
Plus, I was 99% certain that it was my glass, anyway – the one that had spent the night on my bedside table.
But nonetheless, this was uncharacteristic of me.
Typically, if there is any tiny hint of doubt about a glass’s ownership, I will grab a fresh glass from the cupboard.
I tell you this not to illustrate my weirdness. (If you are a regular here, you already know I am a huge, huge weirdo.) I tell you this to illustrate the fact that I have very specific boundaries.
It extends beyond sharing glasses and forks and such. I mean, if I have trouble contemplating drinking from a glass that may have been sipped from by my husband… just imagine how I handle having not one but THREE other people sleeping under my roof and helping themselves to a handful of chips from my pantry or flopping down on my couch or spreading the newspaper out all over my table.
I am not great at sharing my space, is what I’m saying.
So you likely won’t be surprised that I tend to have a little… anxiety when it comes to having houseguests.
It’s such a mental struggle for me, because on the one hand, I really WANT to be The Perfect Hostess, with the warm, welcoming house and the comfortable guest rooms and the easy breezy “my home is your home” attitude. I would love to be the kind of person who makes you feel like you’re on vacation and every time you leave, you can’t wait to come back.
On the other hand, having people in my house makes me uncomfortable. Partly, I think, because of all that self-imposed pressure to be The Perfect Hostess. I feel like I need to wake up at 6:00 am and pick fresh flowers for my guests’ bedside tables and whip up an egg-white-and-spinach omelet and grind fresh coffee.
Okay, I may FEEL like that, but I don’t do any of that. Which makes me then feel guilty and like I could be doing more and voila! Anxiety!
I’m uncomfortable partly because this is my space. It’s not just my home, the place I sleep. This is my office, my workspace, my creative arena, my sanctuary from the world. It’s hard for me to erase the niggling feeling of “intruder alert!” when I have visitors. No matter who those visitors are – my parents, my best friend, even my HUSBAND, when he’s home during the day sometimes.
I’m uncomfortable also because of the aforementioned boundary issues. I would love nothing more than to say, “Make yourself at home!” and mean it. And I DO mean it. At least, I want to mean it. But the idea of someone rooting around in my fridge or flipping through my television channels makes me a little woozy. And then I feel terrible for being so territorial and strange and unhostessy. Anxiety.
I’m uncomfortable ALSO because I’m just not used to people. I have been working from home for SEVEN YEARS. That’s a lot of alone time. I LIKE people, truly, I do! But it’s like going to the bathroom in the middle of the night and turning on the light and squinting a lot and bumping into things because you’re not accustomed to the brightness. I feel out of my element… so I try to overcompensate for the discomfort by over-preparing and being overly cheerful and witty… and then I worry that I’m not being cheerful and witty and hostessy enough and BAM. Anxiety again!
Plus, I am incapable of having people in my house just doing their own thing. If people are in my house, I need to be feeding them or pouring them wine or entertaining them. It’s stupid, especially when it’s people like my parents who are visiting for multiple days and a) can entertain themselves and b) don’t expect me to entertain them and c) probably want some time to just chill without me hovering over them and pouring Chardonnay down their throats. And yet… if I am, say, taking a shower and I know that my guests are downstairs in the living room – probably very happily reading a book or leafing through a newspaper on their own – I am doing that internal hyper-hamster-on-an-exercise-wheel thing that prevents me from being normal or shaving my legs or appropriately applying mascara.
PLUS, I have this nervous tic where I have to be cleaning CONSTANTLY. So even if I have no trouble leaving dishes in the sink on a normal night if necessary, I will stay up until one in the morning making sure that the kitchen is spotless when my guests awaken the following morning. (This is in part because cleaning gives me a [false, probably] sense of control over my universe.)
Basically what I’m saying is that having guests is exhausting. And yet, I persist because a) it is a normal, human thing to open one’s home to friends and family and b) I really, really, REALLY want to be The Perfect Hostess.
SIGH.
I am thinking about this because my in laws are visiting this week. My husband’s residency program is throwing a special dinner to congratulate the third years on successfully completing residency. (SOB! My husband is nearly a FELLOW! Seems like just yesterday that he was starting medical school in his short white coat!) They are actually here in town already, staying with friends for a couple of days. Which is very kind of them, considering that a) I have to work all week and b) my husband is working nights this week, which means he’ll be sleeping during the day.(GUILT. ANXIETY.)
Let’s be clear: I love my in laws. They are kind and generous and fun. My mother-in-law is always full of interesting conversation and my father-in-law can make the BEST gin and tonic. And they are GREAT houseguests because they are very easy. They don’t require much of ANYTHING.
And yet… ANXIETY.
I think it’s a combination of:
- All of the above mess of me wanting to be The Perfect Hostess plus my weird hermit-like tendencies.
- My mother-in-law is an excellent, wonderful hostess herself, so I feel like I have big shoes to fill.
- I want them to have a relaxing, enjoyable time.
- WORK.
- My husband is working NIGHTS, which means all hosting duties fall to me and me alone.
So of course I’ve been fretting and over-preparing. Which I am sure would make my in laws feel HORRIBLE if they knew. Which makes me feel guilty. Annnnnnd hello there, anxiety.
I’ve done some shopping. We probably won’t eat here at all, although I really should make another run to the grocery to pick up something nice that I can throw together quickly just in case. (Although making something comes with its own set of frets: my in laws – although I’m sure they would kindly and enthusiastically eat ANYTHING I gave them – try to eat healthfully, and so they don’t eat pasta which is really my go-to for easy and delicious Meals for Guests. Other things I know they’d eat are impossible – like grilled food, as we don’t have a grill – or too time consuming – like coq au vin or boeuf bourgignon – or too something.) (Internet, before you helpfully jump in with suggestions, let me tell you that I host book club maybe twice every 18 months and I worry about what I’m going to make for dinner ALL YEAR LONG. I’ve considered my options, is what I’m saying.) I spent a RIDICULOUS amount of money on gin because my father-in-law drinks one gin and my mother-in-law drinks another and they both sometimes prefer to have a gin and tonic, which they like with a THIRD gin. (And I know – I KNOW – if I offered them a drink, they would take whatever crappy old gin I had in the cupboard, and if I didn’t have gin, they’d take wine or water or WHATEVER. THEY are not picky, is what I’m saying. It’s just that, as The Perfect Hostess, I like being able to provide them with their favorites.) My mother-in-law doesn’t drink caffeine, so I got her favorite brand of soda. I know my father-in-law likes to eat Greek yogurt and berries. And usually he likes a little protein with breakfast, so I got some smoked salmon. And of course THEN I had to get capers and lemon. Although I didn’t get bagels, because those are better fresh. And GAH I FORGOT THE RED ONION. I bought two kinds of flowers so I can put flowers in each bedroom. And I clipped some peonies from our peony bush (!!!) so I can have fresh flowers in the kitchen. (They may not live long – their stems are very short.) (Fortunately there is a whole bush full of understudies.) The guest beds have clean sheets and I dusted and cleaned the bedrooms and the bathroom. I put STACKS of replacement toilet paper under the bathroom sinks and I have a huge basket full of travel-size toiletries. The linen closet is full of fresh towels and extra blankets and pillows and slippers. I put empty hangers in the bedroom closets. There are empty drawers in the dressers. There are brie and cheddar and something from Trader Joe’s called “truffle cheese” and fancy crackers and water crackers and chips and olives. I’ve got homemade brownies in the fridge. Although CRAP I DON’T HAVE ANY DECAF COFFEE!!
And my house is CLEAN, although it still needs quite a bit of neatening. And I’m worrying about how hot our upstairs gets in the summer. (We’ve closed all the vents in the bottom two floors, to force the air conditioning to focus on the upper floor. But it doesn’t work GREAT.) I’m fretting that everyone is going to be wide awake at sunrise because the shades on the bedroom windows do nothing to keep out the copious amounts of bright sunshine that blaze in around 6:00 am. I haven’t swept the back porch, primarily because two sparrows have built a nest in the retractable awning above the sliding door and they leave a HORRIBLE MESS so sweeping is really pointless. The dining room has two tables, since I still haven’t been able to get rid of the old table (and it is too big and too heavy to move OUT of the dining room, not that there’s a BETTER place for it). I’m embarrassed that there’s no chair or anything in the guest rooms. (Not that we have money in the budget for Guest Room Chairs, of course.) And and and.
My in laws used to LIVE HERE, in this very city. They have friends here and I’m sure they have lots of things to occupy them while they’re here. And yet I am so WRACKED WITH GUILT that I’ll be working this week and my husband will be sleeping and they’ll have to entertain themselves and I don’t even have anything appropriate to make them for dinner.
Listen, there’s a rational part of my brain in there somewhere. Sure, it’s the slim, introverted mumbles-a-lot type next to the Type A cheer captain of anxiety when it comes to vying for my attention. But it’s there, reminding me gently that my in laws are kind, understanding people who have assured me repeatedly that they can entertain themselves and they understand that my husband and I have other occupations this week and they will just take what they can get. It’s squeezing my hand, firmly, and saying, “Remember how you feel when YOU visit people? How you want to not be a bother and how you are perfectly capable of sitting quietly and reading a book or taking a drive by yourself to the zoo or the art museum or TARGET for Pete’s sake? How you would rather stay in a hotel or STAY HOME than cause people any measure of the anxiety that you are feeling right now? SHUT UP ANXIETY, PUT THE POM POMS AWAY.”
I am sharing all this with you, Internet, because I know you won’t judge me. You won’t focus on what a complete over-thinking psycho I am being about all this. (You may roll your eyes, but you’ll do it behind my back as you stroke my hair.) Instead, you will tell me soothing things so that I don’t feel like such a Total Hostess Failure.
(And I AM a Total Hostess Failure. I realize this. One of our friends offered to bring his own sheets when he visited us, so worried was he about causing me the extra stress of laundering sheets for the guest room. I drove someone to want to furnish his own bedding in my house? That’s… a pretty low feeling, Internet.)
And what I need from you – the calm hand stroking my hair – is for you to tell me what YOU do to prepare for guests. Do you do an extra special Deep Clean? Do you plot out an agenda? Do you plan special meals? Do your hosting efforts differ depending on whether your guests are friends or parental types?
And what do YOU expect when you visit others? Do you like to have everything planned out? Do you like to have some alone time to explore? Do you enjoy it when your host has stocked the fridge with your favorite fruit and beer?
Please, distract me from my fretting.
While you do that, I’m going to go clean my oven.
I love playing hostess 🙂
You sound like you’re great at it, too – you went out of your way to buy all the stuff you know your in-laws enjoy! I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.
And when I visit someone, I don’t expect them to entertain me the whole time, especially if they have to work!
Last week we had friends in town for 5 days. I love them, but with m husband working nearly every day at the hospital I was left to entertaining. Then came Sunday, mother’s day, the day after my mom’s dad passed away. So I had to ditch our friends. I had them drop me off at my parent’s, sent them off in my car around town – I think they enjoyed the break & a day just together (since the husband is also a resident) to hang out exploring a new town, and I was able to spend some time with my mom (and brothers and dad). Well, at least that’s what I’ve let myself think 🙂
Oh, and when we stay with others I expect very little. So much so that if we’re driving I will bring my own towels as to not leave the host with too much laundry!
You clearly have a lot of feelings towards hostessing 🙂 Nobody is perfect. When I worked 60 hours a week I was not able to hostess as well as when I quit my job. But it was more stressful when I wasn’t working because I thought there was no excuse for me to *not* be perfect. The key is to give your guests some space and, if possible, stock the pantry & fridge with things they like.
When my MIL and FIL come, I stock up with fresh fruit and vegetables, mixed nuts, fruit juices, and cook non-spicy meals. Because that is what they like and eat at home.
I figure I’m not a cruise ship–I don’t have unlimited resources and it is not my job to anticipate your every whim/need. Of course this attitude takes some anxiety out of the whole hostessing thing, but does not remove the guilt 🙂
I try to get some things that they like…such as real cream for their coffee, the brand of coffee they enjoy, and other snacks. I clean as normally as I can and probably give their room any extra going-over including some Frebreze…just in case. We generally eat out and/or they have other friends to visit. Mostly I walk around turning off the lights they left on and picking up the coffee cups with cold coffee in them or the half-empty glasses they seem to put EVERYWHERE…..
When “I” visit, I strip the bed when I leave and take the sheets and towels to the laundry area. In some cases, I have even started the washer before I leave.
Oh my goodness, I could have written this post! I feel the same anxieties about hostessing – I always think “Oh, I will have everything be perfect” and then when people are here I always think “I wish I had my house to myself.” It’s worse when my in laws visit, because they ramp the anxiety up to twelve and are not nearly as accommodating as your inlaws – they leave a mess everywhere they go and demand certain things in the house and ALSO demand that we not cook on aluminum or use margarine. It’s exhausting.
I will say when I visit others I greatly prefer to have some time to myself and to feel like they are just going about their day and not letting me cause them any undue stress. But I understand that even knowing that doesn’t help the anxiety!
I really identify with this. My parents just ended a two-week stay with us. We live in Singapore, which is an 18+ hour flight from the US, so I really wanted to make sure they had a good time and could experience all the local sights/culture etc.
Of course then I anxioused myself into a mess, and had a breakdown around day 8 during which I cried in front of everyone. I just wanted to go to Starbucks by myself, read my book and enjoy a highly caloric Frappucino, but felt obligated to make sure they were having SO MUCH FUN every minute, since they flew ALL the way here and were visiting Southeast Asia for the first TIME and so on. The guilt ended up with me literally wringing my hands in anguish (I know).
Naturally my mother told me I was being ridiculous, that they were happy strolling through the park, and that I should go to Starbucks and relax. I followed her advice (you should always do what your mother tells you) and it worked like a charm.
There isn’t really a point to this story (except that if you want a Frappucino, maybe you should get one BEFORE crying in front of your vacationing parents). Maybe it will make you feel better that on the neurotic spectrum you really aren’t that bad?
I think the key to being a good hostess, and a good guest for that matter, is being thoughtful. You seem very thoughtful.
I expect very little when visiting. A shower and place to sleep are basically my only necessities. It depends on who I’m visiting, but I also generally enjoy being left alone. I love reading and exploring things by myself. And while it’s nice to have suggestions of where to go, I don’t expect them.
I would feel terrible knowing someone had stressed out about buying what foods I like (kind of a picky eater) or what I like to drink or whatever.
I’m also not a super amazeballs host. I make sure people have clean bedding and towels and meals or company if they want. Other than that I kind of play it by ear. But I do stress out just because I’m a hermit and having people around for too long sets me on edge. I need alone time to feel sane.
So I get VERY stressed when people come to visit. Mostly I think because being a SAHM means you are always around when they are around, there’s no escaping to work and letting them entertain themselves. AND because as a SAHM I spent A TON of time just doing nothing, sitting around waiting while someone takes a nap or goes to preschool or whatever. So it’s really an awkward set up for having people around – it’s like ok, now;s the part where you watch me read blogs for four hours while people sleep! And I don’t make three meals a day when its just me. I just…eat a sandwich or something standing up in front of the refrigerator. So then I’m in this weird position of saying to someone “Do you want…a bowl of cereal?” or whatever every morning, etc.
The last time I had someone visit I was SO stressed about it ahead of time and I decided I would break down what were the MOST stressful parts of me and then I would figure it out. So I decided it was 1. food during hte day and 2. entertainment. I planned little things to do every day as a kind of “get out of the house thing”. Nothing exciting, things like “Go to Target” or whatever. The second thing I did was to plan out EVERY SINGLE MEAL and shop for it. So I got breakfast stuff and lunch stuff and had a list of things I could make for each on the fridge. It wasn’t really hard stuff, but I was PREPARED.
Those two things helped immensely. Yes, it was much more work making three meals a day and holy crap, the dishes, but at least I was not stressed about “OMG what will she eat for breakfast while I am having eggs@!” or whatever.
I definitely get some of their favorite stuff to stock the fridge and the pantry. I also have always liked to put some snack type stuff in their room. I know that when I stay with someone, I am shy about like rummaging through their pantry in the morning if I am the first one up, even though I am fine with my guests helping themselves. So if there are granola bars and bottled water in their room, it’s kind of obviously theirs.
Oh, I feel the same way! Especially because we don’t have a guest room.
My kid has life-threatening food allergies, so I am constantly on the alert for someone eating something that could set off a reaction. Not just feeding it TO HIM, but eating their nut-filled granola on my dishes on my table that my son eats at and if you’re done now eating that item that can kill my child I will disinfect the entire table and throw out those dishes and vacuum every single square inch of where you have touched kthanks.
I also find being the guest to be even more stressful. I prefer to stay at a hotel so I can just be my weird self.
Whoa. From what you’ve written you seem like an AWESOME host.
As for me, when I host, I just do the basics. Clean everything, not super deep clean, buy you know, make sure my hair is eradicated from the bathroom, random clothes aren’t in the living room, I might vacuum (I think my cleanliness standards are really low) clean sheets, fresh towels, a stocked fridge and pantry. If I know they like something specific, I might buy it. Other than that, I’ll offer suggestions when asked, but most of my friends and family are really low maintenance people.
When I’m a guest, I’d like a place to sleep (doesn’t have to be a bed!) and a towel would also be sweet. Anything else is just extra and I’d be sure to say thank you like a million times for feeding me or buying food specifically for me, because really, I’m an adult, I’m capable, whoever it is really didn’t have to do that. When I leave I either make the bed, or strip it and try to completely clean up after myself and others if there happens to be some dirty dishes or something.
I can totally see how working from home, though, would produce far more anxiety about it though. You’re there ALL the time. As a guest, well its just my personality, but I’m not good at keeping up conversations, I don’t like talking all the time and I certainly value my alone time. So less is more for me. But everyone is different. As someone said above, you’re being extremely thoughtful. So breathe, smile and take it as it comes.
Oh my gosh I think you are me! I have friends coming to visit next weekend and I’ve booked in the oven cleaner and gardener, ready for the day before they arrive. I stress about every little detail before they arrive, but I do usually calm down a bit once they are here.
There’s a LOT I could say and relate to regarding this post, but I’m going to focus on the food part. I’ve fallen in love with quinoa lately. It’s like a rice, but healthier. Sounds right up your mom-in-law’s alley. Here’s your quick/easy/healthy dinner “recipe”: Cook the quinoa according to the directions on the package, but use chicken broth instead of water, and sprinkle in some Italian seasoning, garlic powder and pepper. While that’s simmering away all happy-like, saute some cubed chicken until it’s cooked through. Remove from the pan, and toss in some olive oil and whatever veggies strike your fancy – I normally do onion, bell pepper, zucchini, mushrooms (which I can totally see you not liking for some reason??), cherry tomatoes, etc. Give those some garlic/Italian seasoning/black pepper love too. In addition – pour in some balsamic vinegar (not a ton – maybe a tablespoon or two? Sorry, I fail at measuring). When the veggies are cooked to your liking, put the chicken back in and heat thoroughly. Top it with some fresh basil, if you’re feeling really fancy. That’s it! It’s so good. If you want a simple breakfast, check out the baked oatmeal recipe on my blog (self-promote much?) – you make it the night before so all you have to do is pop it in the oven in the morning. Just pair it with some fresh fruit! Good luck!
I make people sleep in sleeping bags on our air mattress. So really, I think you’re idea of hostessing is way classier than mine.
P.S. There is not a single drop of alcohol in our house, let alone three types of gin. You win.
I don’t like people in my space either, so I make everyone feel incredibly awkward. Fun!
No matter who’s visiting, I always make sure to have a ton of booze on hand.
As for food, my in-laws are super easy to cook for, although my FIL often makes himself at home in my kitchen — talk about HIGH ANXIETY. I really don’t enjoy people in my kitchen and he knows this and tries to stay out, but he works in the seafood distribution industry and so he always brings food with him. I’m trying to get better at just forcing myself to sit on the couch and drink wine and let him at it.
My own parents, however, stress me out to cook for. They are very particular about what they eat, or at least, I think they are. Like, they’d EAT pasta if I made it, but they’re more into the lo-carb thing, so they’d really just prefer chicken and salad. Which, for me, who likes to cook, is boring. Also, I don’t think they eat any fat, like, ever. All their cheese at home is low-fat (which, ew, how is that even possible?) so when we’re at my house, I feel bad feeding them full-fat (delicious, better) cheese.
I flat-out refuse to clean before anyone arrives. Well, first of all, we have a cleaning lady, so the house is always generally clean. But then there’s the fact that I am really, really orderly, so my house is never cluttered. I do not say this to brag, mind you — this is just how my own person brand of anxiety manifests itself. I am constantly picking things up. CONSTANTLY.
As for activities, we usually have stuff planned when we go out of town, mostly because my husband really hates just sitting around my parents’ house with FOX News on (understandable.)
When people come to visit me, I do like to plan an outing or two — maybe a trip to Napa or a brunch out, but then I do try to account for people wanting downtime. My parents, for example, like to nap in the afternoons.
Regardless, I always try to take extra long showers and sit in my room like a hermit “getting ready” for as long as possible.
Also: Xanax.
I hope the rest of their trip is quick and painless for you and congratulations to the Dr.!
New reader here! And I love you. I mean it. It is like you are inside of my head and it is amazeballs. * SUBSCRIBE*
Unfortunately I have never been a hostess and thus have so soothing words and handy tricks for you, but I must say that if it ever happened that I had someone staying in my home temporarily, I’d want to be as prepared and thoughtful as you are. That is the main thing that I’ve gotten from this post: you are really thoughtful. (And you probably already know this seeing as you are Super Awesome Prepared but your peonies *should* last longer if you change out their water daily and add a bit of Sprite into the vase for a germicide/sugar source. And you should always cut fresh flowers at an angle just before arranging them and never ever use scissors. Again, you probably knew this. Anyway.)
When I’ve been lucky enough to have gracious friends offer to have me over for a few days I usually let them lead the way on what they would like to do because 1) I have no expectations, 2) I am amenable to pretty much anything as long as it doesn’t involve cocaine, public speaking, or spiders 3) a comfortable host/ess is a comfortable guest. And while it is a truly lovely gesture when they stock the fridge/pantry with favorite foods as I am kind of a picky eater (onions SHOULD NOT be vegetables), I don’t really find it necessary because dude. I’m an adult. I can try new things and it probably won’t make me cry or kill me.
I just went and stayed with my friend, and all I wanted was to not be a bother while I enjoyed being able to see her face when she was home and enjoyed the peace, quiet, and time to myself when she was at work. I didn’t want to go out and do stuff; I really just wanted to breathe the same air she was breathing for a little while =).
It sounds like you have prepared thoroughly, and they will be touched by your thoughtfulness *patting you comfortingly and stroking your beautiful hair*. =)
We always want to be The Ultimate Hosts – even when it’s a supposedly casual BBQ, so I get the anxiety. There’s nothing worse than driving around to 4 different stores to stock up on the perfect variety of whatever only to have your guest ask “Do you have any Diet Coke” and you realize you don’t because you a.) gave up soda and b.) never drank Diet Coke anyway when you DID drink soda. It’s such a dumb thing that never really ends up mattering, but I feel you.
Anyway, I do an extra clean of the common areas, bathroom and make sure the guest room is in good shape with room for the guest(s) suitcase(s) and such. I have a little dish that stays on the bedside table to place jewelry or a watch and try to keep some flowers in there. The guest bathroom is stocked with basics (soap, toothpaste, extra towels, shampoo, extra toilet paper) and I don’t worry so much about our room/bathroom.
And much like you, I stock up on favorites of my guests within reason (ie favorite gin, or tea for my stepmom) and try to consider any dietary needs or issues that I’m aware of. To keep the meal planning/stressing/time chained to the stove to a minimum we tend to make breakfast a DIY/buffet affair (pastries, bagels, cereal, and/or fruit put out with plates and bowls) so that as people wake and make their way to the kitchen they can help themselves. Sometimes we’ll do a big eggs-and-bacon sit down, but mostly with family. I also prep the coffee the night before and set the timer so the sound of me (or my husband) rattling around the kitchen doesn’t wake anyone, but there’s coffee ready to go. Lunches tend to be an eat-out thing anyway since we’re usually out and about, and we try to keep dinner mellow so my husband (the resident chef) can still visit. BBQing on the patio is easy and we can all hang out and visit as he checks the food.
My weirdness with guests often comes with the sweet offers of “Can I help?” And I know when I’m a guest I feel like a jerk if I’m just sitting there watching my hosts wait on me. So I put them in charge of choosing/opening wine, or say “Yes, come keep me company while I throw this salad together” or “Yes, taste this sauce and tell me if it needs more blahblah” and at least we’re all occupied!
Sounds like you are doing great and I hope the visit goes as stress-free as possible!
Can I just say you are funny. I think the goal is to try to make your guests feel special and at ease. Letting them have their space is calming. I never want to be a burden when visiting. Ever! I try to remember the lifestyle of my guests, my Mom wants to help and her space to feel “homey” my MIL was raised formally and would like things, neat, punctual and orderly. They both want to feel special. Just do what you can!
I LOVE hosting parties, but while I welcome anyone who hits the bar a place to stay, come morning I’m always ready for everyone to vamoose. As for my inlaws, they’re here all the time (never overnight) but sometimes it’s too much and I just don’t really bother with the hostessing anymore..because they’re here ALL THE TIME. Did I mention that? ahem.
As for parties, I stress over dietary needs (vegetarian and low/no fat) more than I did five years ago in college. I stress over if I have everyone’s favorite type of booze, and I stress over how many pop options we have. Some people won’t drink coke, some only want diet, etc. By the day of said party I am hurricane hostess, but I do love seeing it all come together 🙂
Now that you mention it, I should probably clean my oven as well.