I am in the thick of it right now, and it’s not even very thick – people are in much thicker situations, and dealing just fine, and here I am flailing around. So I am feeling stressed and also irritated with myself for being stressed over so little. It really doesn’t take much.
- Obviously, at the top of the frets list is the awfulness going on in Ukraine. The thought of people losing their homes, their loved ones, their lives… the thought of cities being devasted and bombed… the thought of babies and cancer patients huddled in basements and subway tunnels… it is all so awful. And then there is the underlying threat of a giant nuclear-weapon wielding toddler getting bored or angry and throwing a temper tantrum that results in nuclear destruction. Of course, there is other extremely upsetting stuff going on here in the US and around the world at the same time. The media coverage feels absolutely gleeful, there is so much bad stuff to go around. I am avoiding as much of the news as I can, which is, of course, a very privileged option. But it’s all horrible, whether you try to ignore it or not.
- Did I mention that I stayed home today with a sick kiddo? (It’s not Covid.) I would have stayed home anyway, but being at home hits differently when there is a child at home with you. In totally unrelated news, her school went mask-optional last week. Carla was elated about the option to stop masking, and so she stopped masking. My husband and I supported this for several reasons, but it really came down to the fact that she is nearly nine and we literally cannot force her to wear a mask. Once she’s at school, all bets are off. Anyway, some of those virulent little bugs that have been waiting around for two years to get a crack at some delicious elementary schoolers jumped right on board. Right on in there. It took one week for this to happen.
- We are still wearing masks in public, even though cases are very low in my area right now. However, my husband and I did go to a restaurant for my birthday. We did not wear masks in the restaurant. (Although I put mine on to visit the restroom.) It feels a little odd to pick and choose this way. No masks at school, no masks at a restaurant. But I will throw on a mask to go to the grocery store or the post office. I don’t know. It all feels very strange.
- Dinners this week? Ha. I have not thought about a single dinner beyond tonight. No one will starve. I have some broccoli and some lettuce and some green beans to make as sides. We are having tacos for dinner tonight, even though the thought of tacos makes me queasy. That’s as far as I’ve gotten.
- Speaking of taco queasiness, I am doing Keto again. Sigh. This is Week Six, which seems like a good point at which to share it with you. Leave it to Keto to make my favorite food in all the world unappealing. It’s just that I’ve eaten so very much taco meat in the past six weeks. Piles and piles of it. Turns out I really need shells to enjoy the taco experience. I will try not to talk about it a whole lot, although I have found a few products and a few modifications that have made it better, this time around. If you are interested, maybe I will write a post about them. I mean, I may write a post about it anyway, no promises, but I will put something Keto-related in the headline so you can skip it if you are so inclined.
- I made up a big batch of Costco salmon last night, which was DELICIOUS, but then I realized that I may be eating too much salmon, and looked it up and INDEED I am eating like 50 times the recommended salmon amount, so now what? I don’t want to let the salmon go bad. Plus it is delicious. How quickly does mercury poisoning set it, anyway?
- I did a yoga workout today and Adriene said something about how I needed to clear the desk of my mind. Well. My desk and my mind are pretty aligned, I’d say. (I did not get a lot out of today’s session.)
- Things that are stressing me out, on the opposite end of the nuclear-warfare spectrum:
- We are going on a trip. I have all the usual pre-trip stresses, like making packing lists and checking that the plane schedule is the same, and trying to figure out how to remain clothed in the days leading up to the trip without needing to do extra laundry. Plus, the pandemic-era pre-trip stresses, like wondering whether our flights will be canceled or our rental car will be there when we arrive or whether we will all contract Covid in the airport on the way to or from our destination.
- I have a meeting with a new potential client. I am excited but nervous. We are meeting in person, which is adding to the nerves. As is typical of my stress about situations like this, I am hyper-focused on WHAT DO I WEAR. I have nothing to wear, nothing at all.
- I volunteered for a school project, because I wanted to be more involved at school. And it is turning out to be MUCH more involved than I ever imagined. I mean, this is a thing that happens yearly. There should be clearly defined policies and procedures that I can follow. And yet it is a situation where I feel like I am in a dark room and I can only shine my flashlight on one thing at a time, and even then I can’t get a really good sense of the layout of the furniture or what things I’m missing. It is also taking A LOT OF TIME.
- A friend – who is heading up a different school project – asked me many months ago if I would help with a small aspect of her project. I said yes. But now I am concerned that I will be too busy with my project to devote enough time/attention to hers, but it’s also too late to back out.
- My in-laws are coming to visit. I am so happy and relieved that my mother-in-law has completed chemotherapy. She and my father-in-law are coming up for some post-chemo doctors’ appointments and tests. It will be great to see them, but it is never un-stressful to have guests.
- I am on the docket for jury duty. I only had to report for one day each of the last two times I was called for jury duty. The odds are not in my favor for skipping out on it again, are they.
- When am I supposed to WRITE, which is supposedly my main priority?
- Something that is not stressing me out, but is still requiring time and energy, and, okay, a little stress, is that Girl Scout Cookies arrived. The part I hate the most, aside from asking people to spend money, is the collecting of the money. What if Carla or I make a mistake? What if we under- or overcharge someone? We already had one incident where a neighbor said that a box of cookies was missing – but in fact she had written on the form that she wanted to donate a box. So we are already on the hook for that box of cookies. It is only $5, and paying $5 is worth more than insisting the neighbor pay it. But I hate stuff like that!
- Carla and I ran some errands today. Her fever was gone (which means she can return to school tomorrow), and we mainly stayed in the car. We did go into the pharmacy, where we encountered a man with a giant bloodhound. Carla, of course, wanted to pet the dog and he, of course, wanted very much to be petted by Carla. Also, he had a very long, twisty Biblical name which I thought was absolutely spectacular for a bloodhound. Why the dog was in the pharmacy is a mystery (he wasn’t wearing a vest that indicated he is a helper dog), but it was a fun encounter nonetheless.
- Another fun sight: I ran into the post office to drop off a StitchFix return, and on the way in I saw a man carrying a Netflix DVD to return!!!! What a blast from the past! I desperately want to know this man and his life.
- I bought a carton of strawberries yesterday. Listen, I KNOW that strawberries are Not Good in March. This is not strawberry season. But they were so lovely and plump and red, and I just couldn’t resist them. I haven’t opened the carton yet, so they are currently Schrödinger’s Strawberries, and could very well be juicy and delicious.
How are you, Internet? What’s cluttering the desk of YOUR mind?
I hope your Schrödinger’s Strawberries turn out absolutely delicious. My fiancé brought some home from me from the grocery store the other day and it was such a nice gesture and so thoughtful since I’d been craving fruit and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that strawberries are Not Good in March so I ate them, and lo, they WERE delicious and juicy and wonderful! So of course I went out to the same store and got another carton to enjoy, and they were… Not Good.
Awwww!!! The love of the Loving Gesture imbued them with uncharacteristic deliciousness!
The flowers are gorgeous (I have a thing about not liking fresh flowers, but I’m weird and these are beautiful and BUY THE FLOWERS)!
“So I am feeling stressed and also irritated with myself for being stressed over so little.” Um waving my hand like a crazy woman over here in – this could be me talking (not today, but in general). Also, it’s almost certainly NOT over “little” things – we all manage a lot and sometimes it can start to feel like death by a 1000 papercuts. All “little” things, but they really add up.
I’ve been having a hard time with food lately, but had a tough time on Keto and think it would never work for me long-term…but I still feel envious of people that do this for more than the 2 days I stuck it out…so go you.
I am also NEVER un-stressed by company except one family (who lives close and never stays overnight) where I literally would invite them in if every toilet in our house was actively overflowing. They are good people. Everyone else (also good people!) – STRESSES ME OUT. Totally worth having in my life and home, but stress nonetheless. I have a friend who has an au pair. I couldn’t do it. Another friend has had someone staying with their family for TWO years that they met on vacation (long story, very legit and not scary like it sounds; there were family connections) and she’s going to start going to university and keep living with them. For at least TWO MORE YEARS. It literally almost makes me break out in hives to even imagine this sort of thing.
This feels like you have a lot of tough things. It’s okay to be stressed. Obviously as a new internet friend I don’t *want* you to be stressed but you do not have to defend being stressed to me or to yourself. And, as you already know…feeling stressed about being stressed is almost certainly making you more stressed. Not that feeling stressed about being stressed is something we can just stop stressing about. Sigh.
I bought strawberries yesterday too. I was so proud because they looked so good and indeed the top berries were delicious. The rest were terrible. Whomp, whomp. When will I ever learn? Apparently never, because I insist on buying berries in the winter and I need to stop. New rule: when I am still shoveling snow outside, I have no right to have strawberries in my fridge. I really hope your berries are all delicious and perfect!
My parents had a foreign exchange student for A YEAR and I could never!!! Having my in laws here for a week or two drives me to the LIMIT of my (limited) hospitality! And they are super easy!
Friend, you are not alone. I am all kinds of anxious and stressed about *waves hands wildly* EVERYTHING lately.
Also? We must be desk twins – because in addition to my desk top being covered in random items (as is my mind) – they also appear to be very similar.
Let’s take a collective deep breath, go to bed early and start again tomorrow.
I’m sorry you are feeling this way too!!!! And that you are afflicted with my messy desk syndrome.
The tulips are gorgeous, and I need you to come over and do my flower photography for me.
The years Elizabeth did Girl Scouts, the cookie situation absolutely stressed me out.
I am always interested in keto talk. I find I can eat the same thing pretty cheerfully for awhile, and then I will suddenly (well, or gradually, it depends) just feel like I cannot face ANY more of it.
Ah, yes. That is exactly what happens. Perhaps salmon will be the next thing to nauseate me, and then I will be left with pork. Which I already can only eat so often.
You have a whole lot going on. I would try to give some advice even though you didn’t ask, but I feel overwhelmed just reading your post. I hope things calm down for you.
Are ya freaking KIDDING ME? JURY DUTY? For the THIRD TIME? My desks of various and metaphorical descriptions are about as cluttered as yours, but I really like that picture above it. Anyone who stays with us is pretty much lovely and no trouble, but I always feel unbearably stressed before they arrive. I very much hear you on being able to eat something for a long stretch and then being entirely done with it. I would eat the salmon you have and not worry about mercury build-up, just maybe take a break before eating more?
Can’t you get an exemption from jury duty because you are the primary caregiver for a child under 12? Even if she’s in school, an extended trial would be a problem. 🤷♀️
It seems like there is so little (or no?) good news or positives these days. The pandemic seems to have calmed down for the time being, but like you, I’m now torn about masking. I will still wear one although I may go out a bit more without. I just don’t know!
I want to meet someone who still gets Netflix DVDs!! I didn’t even know that was still a thing!!
I’m sorry things are so very overwhelming for you right now. I hope things calm down and that you continue taking time to do nice things for your self, like buy flowers and do yoga.
I have two nieces who are in Brownies and Girl Guides, so I have like two CASES of cookies in my house at all times. What can I say, I like to be supportive and also I live with two garbage disposal human beings. Do you have any teen boys in your area? Because those are the houses Carla needs to sell to.
There is so much sadness and heaviness, and it sounds like things are FRANTIC for you, holy moly, that is a lot going on.
I didn’t know there was a max salmon amount. Is it a mercury thing?
I hope that everything settles down and that your strawberries are divine. FWIW, I have bought strawberries lately and they have been great. I mean, their carbon footprint is probably a disaster – coming from Mexico, etc. – but they were delicious.
Just reading your list of future commitments makes me nervous! But it sounds like you’re in control and that you will manage everything very well.
I used to work at a bank where we had the “clean desk policy”. Every surface had to be clear of any client-related data. Every single desk in the office was spotless and clutter-free.
I have internalized that policy to the point that at home, I can’t stand cluttered surfaces…
We live a minimalist lifestyle, which makes things a lot easier in terms of clutter.
Yay for a keto post!
Oh, and I forgot to say that although I don’t do keto, I always am interested in hearing about food and what other people are doing, so go for it if you feel comfortable! And your flowers are beautiful. My husband has allergies so I never have fresh flowers, so I will live vicariously through you.
I believe my parents still do Netflix thru the mail. I do not think they have Wi-Fi because the only device they use if dad’s desktop. They COULD get Wi-Fi and enjoy netflix thru their TV but that is not the way they roll.
I have such a difficult time trying to find time to write. It always seems to get bumped by something else.
Coach and I are getting ready to travel to Budapest. There are quite a few things to get in order. Ed says he is not sure how easy it will be to find something GF for me to eat which is a little nerve wracking.
Oh that is stressful! I hope you have a wonderful time and find lots of delicious food to eat!
North and I are both sick and I can’t even blame going maskless because there’s still a mask mandate in our schools and I still wear one when I go out. But the BoE is voting on the issue at a meeting tonight, so that may not last. Noah’s college dropped their mandate last week. It seems to be all the rage.
North tested negative for covid, btw. I haven’t taken a test and maybe I should but since they got sick first I figured I probably just have what they have. We were watching It, Chapter Two on Saturday and when it got scary they were cuddled up very close to me.
Snuggles from the kiddo are worth a little illness, but I am hoping you both feel better soon!
Well, it doesn’t happen much when they’re teens– with this one pretty much only when we’re watching scary movies– so it was kind of sweet.
Oh, that is a lot! I’m with you about the ‘this isn’t so bad, but I am so upset by it.’ I saw an Awkward Yeti cartoon recently that really resonated with why I can get upset over a small thing (https://twitter.com/theawkwardyeti/status/1403353281372602370).
I also feel very very weird about deciding when to mask and when not to. I don’t know, the last few years have really showed me why “May you live in interesting times” is a curse, not a blessing.
Ha – that cartoon is amazing!
First, I would like to say that your comments on my blog posts are always a highlight for me, so go forth today and know you have made an old lady very happy! 🙂
Masking is weird here. It’s no longer required anywhere, and mostly nobody does it, but there seems to be a policy of “if someone I’m interacting with is wearing mask, so will I.” The girl at the library said that is exactly their policy, actually! I also encountered that when I went to pick up my roasted coffee beans. I keep a mask in my purse all the time, just in case.
I hope your client meeting went well, and you found some clothes! I did that with my library club meetup too – I haven’t done anything social in so many months, and all I wear around the house are yoga pants, band t-shirts, and flannels over them. Probably not appropriate social gathering attire, lol.
I hear you on the guests. My mom casually mentioned that when she gets back from Florida she might come stay with me for one or two weeks. I expressed happiness, of course, while internally crying at the prospect of two weeks of having my nice, boring routine disrupted. It’s hard for us introverts!
Oh yes – two weeks with your mom sounds lovely/draining! Like you, I love my nice boring routine!!!
I felt every inch of this post. I HATE the ambiguity around masks. It’s worse than requiring them, imho.
Totally interested in keto stuff even though I know it’s not right for me personally. Post it! If you have time/inclination. No pressure!!
Hope things calm down for you soon and Carla feels better.
Your tulips are beautiful. Isn’t it great joy to buy flowers for ourselves?
Before I forget, I just want to commend you for sticking to a keto diet while having all of those Girl Scout cookies in your home. You’re my hero.
By the way, I have a mask tucked under my chin at all times so that I may mask to my liking. My mask now feels like a comfort blanket I’m trying to wean myself off of. I’m just not “there” yet. I may never be.
Sending you love and comfort and all the good things. I hope you have a safe and enjoyable trip. 🙂
I recently discovered your blog through Ernie and thoroughly enjoy your musings on life! Schrodinger’s Strawberries made me laugh…
And I totally know what you mean about house guests. Most of the stress for me comes from the unknown (and possibly unlikely) possibility that they will need something or that they aren’t enjoying themselves, so it’s like an entire OTHER conversation in my head on top of just daily life. Even though my family and other friends who have stayed with us have all been fantastic guests, it’s still exhausting!
Welcome, Kate! Yes, that is such a perfect description: an extra conversation in your head! I agree – I am constantly wondering, Do they need something? Am I being a good host? Could I be doing something else/more? Are they holding back from asking for/doing something because of me? It’s very wearying!
In Florida, March is our PRIME strawberry time. We even have a strawberry festival every year around here! So I had to look up if I was crazy for thinking that March is perfect for strawberries, and I’m not. It’s just different depending on where you’re located. WHO KNEW?!
The news is very, very heavy right now. I have to take breaks as well. It’s a privilege but I don’t know if doomscrolling is a very effective thing to do anyway. I just can’t imagine having to leave my country because of war. What a terrible thing to go through.
Hooray for your MIL making it through chemo! That’s so great to hear.
I’m still wearing a mask, but like you I pick and choose where and when. I didn’t know you could eat too much salmon. I’ve heard it called nature’s Prozac so I figure it’s all good. At the beginning of lockdown I tried to do Yoga with Adrienne but couldn’t quite get into it then. I need to revisit her. I get stressed planning and packing for vacations so I get that.
And as for GS cookies, I feel for you. Friend’s have told me the same thing about collecting payment. The whole cookie enterprise is a bit fraught with peril, especially around here when the girls have to trudge through snow to sell them, then muddle through mud to deliver the cookies.
I feel shallow commenting about this, when there’s so much more to your post, but I would LOVE to hear about your Keto diet and any tips you have. I’m on a low-carb diet and misery loves company 🙂
Yesssssss! Misery DOES love company!
Ugh, there’s so much going on in the world. I was a bit worn down at the beginning of the month myself and even took a little blogging break because it all felt “too much”. I hope you’re doing better, friend.
Thank you. Much better.