gift-giving anxiety

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Follow Up Friday

Some people in the blogging community are really good at remembering to follow up on things. I am not one of those people. It feels like I owe you (or Future Me, I suppose?) a few updates and I am in the mood to try to recall some of the many (many) things I have brought up/fretted about/whined about in this space and never mentioned again.

  • Brief Doctor Follow Up: Since my post, I have had two appointments with my new PCP and one appointment with my OB/GYN and two rounds of bloodwork. A.) I took everyone’s advice and brought a very short and tidy list with me to my appointment last month. B.) Despite The List, I suck a being a patient and an adequate advocate for myself. C.) All my bloodwork shows I am normal and healthy, which is fantastic. D.) It seems like the reason I am tired all the time boils down to “being a human” and the treatment is “suck it up.” (This is my interpretation, not my doctor’s actual words or demeanor.) My doctor did refer me to get a sleep study (scheduled for a few months out) so we’ll see if that shows anything, but I’m not holding my breath. (That was a sleep apnea pun.) (Sleep apnea is not funny.)  
image from Reader’s Digest
  • Brief Gift Follow Up: You were so encouraging about my gift idea for my friend’s big birthday, I decided to rail against my tendency to continue fretting until it’s too late to do anything about it… and order the painting I had in mind. First, I asked my mom if she would be interested in painting the landscape for my friend (she is a very talented painter) and she declined, which I was sort of expecting. But I found an artist who hand-paints lovely landscapes (apparently lots of other people produce digital artworks, so the hand painting is clearly stated on her Etsy profile), sent her my reference photos, and the gift is ORDERED.
  • Brief Cat Follow Up: I spoke to the cat breeder I met two years ago at a cat show and she is going to put us on the list for the next litter.
Actual kitten not pictured.
  • Brief To-Do List Follow Up: I have scheduled my mammogram and sleep study. I have scheduled and attended an appointment with our accountant. A car service appointment is on the books. Yesterday morning, I made a phone call I have been dreading making since mid-December and instead of going the way I thought it would, it went just fine. I sent a boring email that was stressing me out. I finished reviewing a manual I am editing. Today, I need to make a new phone call, but I am going to do it today instead of four months from now.
  • Brief Poinsettia / Vacuum Follow Up: My monstrous poinsettia continues to flourish and continues to drip leaves all over my living room floor. Rocky continues to uncomplainingly do the work of one reluctant eleven-year-old and one irritated middle-aged woman and I continue to love him/it with my whole being. (I will say goodbye to the poinsettia before the kitten joins my household.)
Temporarily relocated for watering purposes.
  • Brief Gallery Wall Follow Up: There is still no gallery on the wall.

That’s all that comes to mind at the moment. Is there anything you’re waiting on tenterhooks to hear about? Do you have any updates for ME?

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Avoidance and Diversions

It’s February, which means it’s practically March, which means SPRING is around the corner! I can just about taste it in the air. The sun is up when I take Carla to school, it’s still up when I bring her home. Birds are everywhere chattering about their spring plans. The snow is melting and I think we have a few upcoming days in the 40s. I still hope we get more snow because I love snow, but I do like this little sneak peek of things to come. 

Every time I open my news app, there’s something newly horrible and I just can’t tell anymore HOW horrible things are or are not, nor if there’s anything at all I can do about anything, so I have been doing a lot of Avoidance and Diversion. Is this healthy or helpful? No. But is it keeping my mental state fairly steady? I think so? For now? 

If you need some avoidance and/or diversion, welcome to my blog where I will only talk about the superficial and the trivial. In that vein, here are a few random bullets.

  • Summer Fret: Why, yes, I am already panicking about summer. In years past, I would have been panicking about summer camp (and probably would have already signed Carla up because summer camp is whack), but this year I am panicking about no summer camp. Carla just isn’t interested in camp this year, and that’s fine. I asked her what she wants to do and she said, Play with my friends, play with dogs, and swim. That does sound like an excellent summer. HOWEVER… I am not confident in my ability to execute such a relaxed summer without feeling like I am unable to get my own stuff done, or without devolving into excessive screen time. A schedule is my friend, I think, and I need to create said schedule WELL in advance, possibly with Carla’s input. Something like… one or two days a week where we volunteer at the local animal shelter. One Special Outing each week. One Friend Event each week. And then… fill in the rest of the days with a combo of Keeping Abreast of Our Studies (maybe I could ask her to devote an hour a day to math worksheets and another 30 minutes a day to reading?) (I originally had “an hour a day to reading” which seems reasonable and wonderful to me, but… I don’t know) and Pool/Outdoor Time? There might also be a couple of weeklong camps that she could attend for a few hours a day, but those don’t usually pop up until later in the year and I don’t know if I am chill enough to just slap them in at the last minute. We would also like to go visit my parents in their summer home. My dad is always asking us to come for a whole month – maybe this is the year to do it? Or at least two weeks? My husband won’t be able to join us so I think I/we would miss him too much if we were gone too long. Maybe I could try to make it a Screen Free Summer, except for like… a movie on Fridays or something scheduled. I would love that, and I know Carla would too even if she thinks she wouldn’t. What are you doing for summer? Or are we all just hoping to MAKE IT to summer, which seems like a valid consideration? 
  • CBBC: Have you joined Engie’s latest iteration of the Cool Bloggers Book Club? She’s leading a reading of Lucy Maud Montgomery’s The Blue Castle. I am having serious FOMO because I am not doing it this month. But I am planning on reading all the summaries and commentary. I confessed this to Nicole recently, but I don’t think I’ve ever read ANYTHING by Lucy Maud Montgomery. (Even though I own the entire Anne of Green Gables box set.) Am I fired??? No – that’s not the right perspective. Just think of all those wonderful books out there that I have yet to read. Yes. That makes me feel like less of a loser. 
  • Gift Fret: One of my dear friends is having a milestone birthday this year. (If you know me in The Offline World, this is your cue to STOP READING because I am going to discuss your gift in great detail.) (Although I suppose this could be your chance to object to said gift idea? And save us both the awkwardness of a gift that you might not appreciate? It’s up to you, boo.) Anyway, as per my usual mode, I have been thinking about and fretting about this gift for well over a year. WELL OVER A YEAR. One thing that is preventing me from finding The Perfect Gift is that this friend doesn’t particularly enjoy A Fuss being made over her birthday. She does, however, give gifts, so I feel like it’s one of her love languages. We have known each other for more than half a decade now, which boggles my mind, and I consider her one of my closest friends. Not sure if she feels the same, because she is more extroverted than I do, and I have found that extroverts tend to have way more friends than I do, and therefore (?) categorize them differently. But that’s a different matter. I just wanted to give you a little context. Also, my gift idea is something I would usually advise against – I want to get her a piece of art. In fact, I want to commission a piece of art: nothing crazy expensive (I hope; it seems like Etsy has some options in my price range, which I am thinking is roughly the $200-ish range), but something meaningful both to her and to our friendship. The art would be based on a photo, if that makes a difference. And I think I would see if I could get a smallish piece of art – like an 8 x 10 size – so she could put it on a dresser in the guest room if she doesn’t like it enough to hang it up. Why am I LIKE THIS, I overthink gifts so much and I am afraid I am going to overthink myself right into not doing anything at all and then feeling shitty for not commemorating a really special occasion for someone I care deeply for. I think this friend – even if she doesn’t like the artwork itself – will be very touched by the idea, and it feels very personal to her, and so I really, really think this is a good idea. It’s certainly my only idea. ANYWAY, I don’t know why I am telling you all this because I am sort of afraid you will discourage me from doing it and then I will cry because I have no alternatives. I guess I am wondering if you have ever had a piece of art commissioned and if so what that process was like/what the pricing was like, and maybe if you know anyone who does really nice but not horrifically expensive landscapes-based-on-photos. My VERY OWN MOTHER paints landscapes based on photos, so I kind of want to float this idea past her, but also that feels like a lot of pressure to put on one’s mother. GIFT GIVING IS TERRIFYING AND I HATE IT.
  • Valentine’s Shopping: I have been channeling my fretting about various things and my news-scrolling energy to shopping for things I do not need. Mainly these things are Valentine’s Day related. I made the delicious mistake of buying a bag of Sour Patch Kids hearts, which I now love with all my being. Carla probably needs a bag of her own for Valentine’s Day (I am not sharing). Maybe she would prefer Nerds Gummy Clusters. Or a bag of lip lollipops she can share with her friends. Carla has recently started reading The Black Stallion  (and in fact stayed up until 3:30 am on a school night reading it and was then miserable the next day; that is a lesson she has to learn for herself, alas), so I want to get her the next book (or two) in the series. Perhaps I will also get her A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder, which, while not being The Book, is very hot right now among her friends. I am also wondering if she might like a book about being A Teen, since she insists on moving ever closer to being a teen herself. I like this one about general teenagery  and this one about etiquette. I am also saving all sorts of adorable heartearrings to my Etsy favorites list, although Carla does already have a couple of pairs.  I may get my husband the super romantic gift of O’Keefe’s Working Hands hand cream because he likes it better than the paste-style cream that comes in a tub. Oooh, do either of us (me or Carla, not me or my husband) need a sweater with hearts on it? I feel like a heart sweater could be appropriate on other non-Valentine’s-Day days, yes? What about some adorable heart pajamas? I don’t even really celebrate Valentine’s day, I don’t know why I am getting all in a froth about it this year. I don’t even think I have the energy to make Valentine’s cookies like I did last year. My husband and I don’t get gifts for one another, I don’t decorate. Maybe I get excited because Carla is excited, and each year she is excited in a new way. This year, she and all the girls in her class are doing a Valentine’s gift exchange and she and another friend are being one another’s Galentine’s, so they got each other a small gift of candy. I guess I like to lean into whatever Carla’s latest enthusiasm is, even if it does result in excess sugar in our house and some heart-infused junk we didn’t need. 
  • To Dos I Am Not Doing: My to-do list is once again out of control. It’s got the normal stuff – grocery shopping, laundry, home improvement projects that keep getting pushed, refilling prescriptions – but it’s also packed with scheduling things I don’t want to do, like medical appointments (my annual mammogram – don’t be like me! schedule yours now!) and car service appointments and meetings with our accountant. I also have yet to follow up on something I should have followed up on EONS ago and it feels kind of too late, but also I don’t want to let it go. Anyway. Maybe today’s the day I will cross something off that list. Do you have any onerous tasks that keep getting kicked down the road?

I intended to write more bullets than these, but these are QUITE long as they are, and I need to get to work. I hope you are hanging in there. 

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Five for Friday

Let me just say, for those people who have never tried blogging: It can be SO GOOD when it comes to a) motivating yourself to DO SOMETHING and b) finding lovely people who understand and commiserate and support. Yesterday’s fretful post really helped get my rear into gear, and every comment that came in felt like a warm hug. Thank you. Let’s do some gift-fret-free bullets, shall we?

It’s Beginning to Look a Teeny Weeny Bit Like Christmas: After yesterday’s post, I very firmly told my husband that we needed to finalize the gifts now. And then I proved to him, using the UPS cost estimation feature, that it would cost us three times as much in shipping costs to wait for amazon to deliver some items vs me going to an actual store and buying them and shipping them now. That turned out to be highly persuasive. We ended up getting both my MIL and my SIL some cozy pajamas. (After so many comments in favor, I wanted – badly – to get them each a towel warmer, but it wasn’t going to work with shipping to me and then wrapping and shipping to them. Then I thought, if I can’t get a towel warmer for my MIL and SIL, perhaps I can get one for my husband and/or child?!?! But our bathroom is really, really not conducive to having a towel warmer in it, so I am going to postpone that idea for another day.) Despite my many misgivings – we Santa got Carla the Uggs that are apparently this year’s Stanley tumbler/Kendra Scott necklace/Lululemon belt bag. I was able to march right over to the mall yesterday morning and buy everything right there. I also marched right over to the bookstore and bought the books that we had been dithering on ordering for several other gift recipients; one of the books was out of stock locally, but I pushed right through that little obstacle and bought an alternative. 

Mail Call: I also addressed, stuffed, stamped and MAILED my holiday cards. Did I think I had ordered twenty more cards than I actually did? Yes. But no matter. I think I got everyone on the list. I had to go to the post office to acquire more stamps, and then stood there and stamped the remaining sixty or so stampless cards. While I was stamping, an older-than-me-but-not-demonstrably-elderly man came in, mailed something, and then started chatting at me. He wanted to know what I was mailing – both he and the postal worker first assumed “wedding invitations” which strikes me as slightly odd given the timing and also my advanced age, not that a person has to be the picture of youth to plan a wedding – and then told me how he had mailed sixty holiday cards just days before, and how a long line had piled up behind him because you can only slide two or three cards at a time through the mail slot. I kept waiting for him to tell me the punch line – that someone behind him finally pointed out he could open the little door beneath the slot and put in the whole stack – but he didn’t. I debated telling him myself – for future reference – but he went on to chat at me about how many fewer cards he sends these days than in the past, and then enumerated the (all sad) reasons, so it felt as though the moment had passed. This story doesn’t have any sort of moral; I just love it when people talk to me and I can just smile and nod. (Is this what it feels like to be Nicole????)

Surprise and Suspicion at the Post Office: I had heard (perhaps from you???) that some mail carriers aren’t accepting any mail at all that’s headed to Canada. So I was prepared to be told “no” when I requested some stamps for my Canadian card recipients. Instead, the postal worker said she didn’t see why a couple of small letters wouldn’t get through. Packages, no; definitely not. But a little ol’ holiday card? That was sure to sneak by! Then she sold me some stamps and I left the post office feeling very confused. I am 100% sure I don’t understand Canada’s mail strike that well, but Wikipedia tells me that Canada Post has requested that other countries stop sending mail to Canada at all. “Mail at all” has got to include holiday cards, right? So… I’m reluctant to put my cards in the mail, is what I’m saying. I am tempted… but if I did… what would happen to them?!?!

Cookie Swap, Anyone?: I realize that I mentioned the idea of having a blogland cookie swap, and then even made cookies, and then got so caught up in gift panic that I forgot all about it. But I would still like to do it! So: if YOU are interested in doing a blogland cookie swap (even if you don’t have a blog!)!!!! Please send a link to your cookie post and/or photos of your cookies to lifeofadoctorswife [at] gmail by midnight Eastern time on 12/20, and I will add a link to your blog and/or your photos to a post I will post BEFORE CHRISTMAS. I am happy to include any information you care to share about your cookies. A deadline of 12/20 should give me time to make MORE cookies. In addition to human cookies, by the way, Carla and I are planning to also make cookies for dogs. So that will be… something. 

Let’s Wrap Things Up: In addition to finalizing my gift purchases and mailing the holiday cards, I have been wrapping gifts for the out-of-state relatives. I hate wrapping gifts. It is The Worst. I am not good at it – it requires an ability to cut straight lines, for one thing, and I do not have that ability. Unfortunately, my mother has inculcated in me the firm – no, the intense – belief that wrapping adds to the specialness of the gift receiving experience. As though the beauty of the gift wrap corresponds with the amount of love you feel for the person upon whom you are bestowing the gift. “I love you so much I will make bows out of flimsy paper.” Every time I wrap a gift, I try to do so with love in my heart. Love for the gift recipient, not for the scissors or the tape or the goddamn wrapping paper that never cuts straight. I try to make it as beautiful as I can because I feel like that helps add to the joy and anticipation of the gift portion of the holiday. And yet. When I am mailing so many gifts, I am well aware that the gift wrap is likely going to tear and the bows will get smushed and the whole effect is going to be less stunning than I want it to be and the people who receive these crumpled and ripped gifts are going to think I don’t love them at all. Anyway. I hate wrapping. It is stupid and wasteful and yet it is an essential facet of the gift exchange process and I CANNOT QUIT. 

I have still not decorated anything at all! Perhaps that will change TODAY.