1. For the month of September, I have been waking up at 5:41 and getting out of bed at 6:00. This past week, I’ve been pushing it back a teeny bit; my alarm goes off at 5:21 and I get out of bed at 5:45. The cat has been extremely accommodating in terms of hopping into bed and purring loudly at me at about 4:20. My question is, how freaking early do I need to get up to be able to DO things?
Things I’d like to do: Lie in bed for 15 minutes to do the Wordle and Connections and possibly read a blog or two. Make some tea. Take care of the cat. Unload the dishwasher. Write a blog post. Spend 10 minutes watching cat videos with Carla. Get dressed. Eat something. Get out the door on time (7:15). In an ideal world, I would also be able to exercise and shower before we leave for school, but that seems much too ambitious. It’s still something I’d LIKE to do, though.
Things I have been able to do: Lie in bed to do my word games. Make tea. Take care of the cat. Spend 5-10 minutes watching cat videos with Carla. Get dressed. Eat something (sometimes). We haven’t been out the door on time since the first week of school. Admittedly, this isn’t always my issue. But lately I have been scrambling to be moderately presentable and still be 15 minutes late.
Possibly I can squeak back my out-of-bed time to 5:00; but even then, I don’t know if I’d be able to get in a blog post. Definitely not exercise, too. If you exercise before work or school, HOW????
One of the reasons I want to work exercise into my morning routine is because it’s often the first thing I jettison if the day doesn’t proceed as planned. For the past two days, I didn’t exercise as planned because my days got thrown out of whack. It’s not the end of the world, or anything; I don’t set exercise goals, so I can’t fail, take that perfectionism – and I did at least manage a decent walk on Wednesday – but it’s frustrating when I’m trying to prioritise exercise for my mental, physical, and future health. (The British/Canadian spelling was accidental but I’m keeping it. I think Ses are much prettier than Zs.) Plus, “exercise” is a catch-all term that includes showering, putting on clothing an actual reasonable person might wear, and possibly even doing my hair and/or makeup. Even if I do a shorter workout, and even if I take a ten-minute shower, and even if I throw my wet hair up in a claw clip instead of drying it, the Exercise Plus Shower Plus Getting Ready routine takes about an hour. I have no earthly idea where I’d get a whole extra hour in the morning. I can’t go to bed earlier than nine; Carla’s bedtime is 8:30 and I read to her for thirty minutes. And if I went to bed promptly at nine, I would never see my husband, which is an unacceptable tradeoff for exercise. Listen, I know I don’t really have anything to complain about here. My schedule is very flexible, for the most part. I guess I just keep on working in a workout where I can, sometimes sacrificing it to the whims of life.
2. I had a baking success and a baking flop this week. The flop was the apple honey cake I made in a nod to Rosh Hashanah. It looked lovely – although I had expected the apple-covered portion to be much darker and more caramelized; not sure why, the photo on the recipe page is not dark and caramelized – and it was fine. But it wasn’t my favorite. The crumb was too big; I think it compares in crumb size, if not exact texture, to cornbread (although my husband disagrees). And the cake had, to my tongue, no flavor. Also, the apples weren’t caramelized enough. The other thing I baked were brownies. Since I was making them for a loved one who’d just had surgery, and since this person is trying to avoid excess sugar and carbs, I decided to try a sugar-free (ish), flourless brownie. The brownies are flavored with dark chocolate, dates, and vanilla, and get their fluffiness from eggs and baking soda. I was skeptical, since I really am not a fan of dates. But they turned out SO well. They are fluffy and soft, rich and chocolatey, and perfectly satisfying. The only real difference I noted between these brownies and “regular brownies” is that they have a slight coconutty flavor (because they are made with coconut oil). Carla loved them; the person I intended them for loved them; I loved them. My husband’s reaction was “these are weird.” Next time, I might try them with butter instead of coconut oil, although I didn’t mind the coconut essence. I am definitely making them again. I like how I didn’t have to chop up the dates; I just let my food processor do all the work.
3. After your extremely helpful comments last week, Carla and I (and the cat) tackled her bedroom on Tuesday. We got rid of so much stuff. My strategy was to tell her that I would clean her room for her, she just had to tell me what to do. She had complete control over what stayed and what went into the donation pile (or the trash). I was so ready to get a handle on the mess that I only faltered once, when I saw a beautiful sweater I bought her just last year in the donation bag. But she’s the one who has to wear the clothes. If she’s not going to wear it, it shouldn’t be in her closet. We also got rid of tons of old socks and underthings that are way too small, and I placed a big order for replacements. Even though I said I would do all the work, Carla ended up doing a ton of stuff herself. She organized all her dresser drawers, for instance. AND she did all of her own laundry. She even said it was fun. While I don’t expect that will last, I feel so much relief that her laundry is now HER problem. Her clothing selection is much more manageable and her room looks so much better.
4. This weekend, a friend I haven’t seen for years is bringing her daughters to stay with us. I am so excited to see her! And her children, whom I anticipate I will hardly recognize, it’s been so long. One thing I’m trying very hard to do is to resist the little voice in my head that keeps saying, “She’s going to think you got so fat.” My friend, though it should not matter in the least except in terms of the pride I feel for her, is a tiny person to begin with. But she’s also extremely fit – like, she literally has two World records in the fitness arena. My little inner voice, which apparently ignores what a nice and non-judgy person my friend is, thinks she will judge me for being large and soft.
Here are my coping thoughts: When I went to my twentieth college reunion a few years ago, I was shocked by how OLD some of my classmates seemed. Some of them were balding, or had grey hair, or looked like – gasp! – middle-aged moms. It was especially shocking to see these aging people next to my dear friends, who looked exactly the same as they’d looked twenty years before. Obviously, it wasn’t that my close friends remained unchanged while people I didn’t know well had aged poorly. It was that my love imbued the people dear to me with youth and beauty that transcends time. I experienced this phenomenon more recently, when I got to see a college friend perform with his college band. The bar was packed with a bunch of half-drunk middle-aged farts. But my friend and his band were exactly as they were back in college. Love is transformative in so many ways, and I think it can allow you to see your people in their best light. The way I look at my husband, a distinguished, respected physician who brings hope and relief to so many patients, and see only the cute charming finance major I met nearly a quarter century ago. Anyway, I am trying with all my heart to believe that my fit friend is going to arrive and see past my frumpy, overweight, perimenopausal self to her dear friend of many years.
5. I have two recent purchases to recommend. One is a fidget toy. Carla apparently saw that a classmate had one, and she wanted one, too. So I caved and got it for her. It’s not silent, per se, but it’s very quiet – just makes a soft shuck when it changes shape. And it is very cool; the shape shifting is mesmerizing. Even the cat likes it. Speaking of the cat, we bought him yet another cat toy. (The poor cat is once again hiding under the bed; it’s been a traumatic week, and he does not do well with loud sounds. This time, the loud sound was me putting ice cubes in the dryer to de-wrinkle my duvet cover. He has never scratched me before, but I have three large gashes to commemorate this particular trauma.) Anyway: this toy is perfect for him. It has a little butterfly dangler on the top, it has a couple of balls on a track that he can push around, and it has a little fringey thing who pokes his fringey face out of hidey holes at random around the circumference of the base. This toy is electronic (uses batteries or a charger) and it has several settings. With one, just the fringey guy hides and appears. Another setting turns the butterfly dangler on, so that it spins, stops, and spins the opposite way. Another setting has both things happen either at once or one after another, I haven’t figured it out yet. It will turn itself off after a few minutes if the cat ignores it for awhile, and then it turns back on as soon as he touches it. Leo LOVES this thing. I put it up on top of a cabinet when he’s not using it (so he doesn’t get bored with it – cats get bored so easily) and he will walk over to the cabinet and look longingly at it and meow until I fetch it down for him.
My husband liked the apple cake well enough… but it wasn’t as good as I hoped. There may be better options out there!
Thank you for sharing your morning routine! Clearly I need to work my way back to waking up at five.
I’m not a morning exercise person. I always feel stiff and half sick when I get up, so it’s not enticing at all. Carla’s closet looks great; if she had fun organizing and cleaning, perhaps she’ll do it again. (or not, LOL) My older daughter just went to her 20 year high school reunion and said the same thing you did. The men in her class aged way worse than the women. Even at my 50, I noticed that. The women looked much better than the men.
Oh how I hope the cleaning wasn’t a one off! We’ll see though…
I thought the Leo-in-the-drawer photo was cute until I saw the picture at the end! I know that I’m a cat lover and of course I think he’s beautiful, but that’s also an excellent photograph!
I am not the person to ask about exercising in the morning. I can barely fit “wake up enough to start working” into the 90 minutes between my alarm going off and when work starts, and I work from home! I have no commute and don’t even have to shower (though I do), and still, I would need a gun to my head to get me exercising in the mornings.
Awww thanks! I think he’s a cutie patootie!
It’s so tough to start the day when you’re slow to wake up.
I want Carla’s closet!! My husband and I share a tiny one and I am dying of jealousy over a walk-in.
MOVING ON.
I am in awe of people who get up early. I just…can’t do it. I’ve been trying off and on for 20 years (that makes me feel so old) and I am just not an early morning person. I’m also not a late-morning sleeper-inner. My ideal wake time is to get up naturally between 7:30 and 8:00 am. Obviously this does not happen during the school week.
Oddly enough, my most productive time of day is from 7:00-8:30, but that is mostly filled with driving kids places, cleaning things up, or tucking children in bed and reading to them.
Exercise. I just hate it. Aside from short walks. I do yoga and I like it while I’m doing it. I like most exercise while I’m doing it. Maybe it’s not the exercise it’s:
I don’t want to get dressed in cute clothes for the day and then have to change into exercise things and then out of those exercise things back into normal clothes. But I also don’t want to get up early enough to start in exercise clothes, exercise and then change into clean, normal clothes.
Suzanne, it feels hopeless. Thankfully, I’m happy to walk and my October walking club cannot come fast enough. I need to get back on the straight-and-narrow with daily movement.
I love exercising, but I HATE being sweaty. And you are so right that there’s the whole hassle of getting dressed and then changing and then showering and then changing again. UGH. It’s too much. Plus, I am usually too sweaty to shower right away, otherwise I keep right on sweating. GROSS.
On the exercise… I feel this so much! Who are these people who do not sweat buckets and need a shower after working out? Perhaps early morning could be just “move your body and stretch” time? I do some squats and lunges and barre moves in the kitchen while my water is on for coffee and some light back and shoulder stretches a couple of times a week in the early, sleeping house times. I should do this daily, honestly. Because on the days I don’t get a walk in I can sleep better having at least moved and done something for my joint health… then I have a thighmaster device I use while doomscrolling my phone that has thinned and toned my thighs… it shouldn’t work as well as it does, honestly… but I can multitask that one in bed even…
Okay, I need to know more about this thigh master. 😉
Who indeed, Lauren?!? I am not one of the unsweaty, that’s for sure.
OMG Suzanne, this: “It was that my love imbued the people dear to me with youth and beauty that transcends time.” This is really a truth. My husband makes fun of me all the time, he’s like “you think all your friends are beautiful” and it’s true, I cannot be objective. I don’t see ANY flaws. I just see them as being beautiful. And if I don’t see a person for a long time and then I do, I still think they are every bit as beautiful. My MIL said to me years ago when I talked about wrinkles and aging “When I look at you I don’t see any wrinkles. I just see Nicole! You look just the same to me.” And one could say that she only has sight in one eye and that eye has cataracts but also? It’s the same thing. Your friend will also see the beautiful person you ARE.
The one thing I will say is often I keep in touch with people over FB or IG and if that person uses a lot (A LOT) of filters, then I do kind of do a double take when I see them in real life. Like, hey, you DO have a nose!
*what is with people using so many filters that they are noseless?
OMG Carla’s closet!!!! It’s gorgeous!
What was the other thing…oh yeah! Morning workouts! I do work out early, and back in Calgary it was before school/ work (but you know, I don’t have those things anymore). But let’s remember, I get up at 4. But even if not, even if it was 5:45 or what have you, my trick is to gulp down coffee and water, and do it RIGHT AWAY. Like, before I get distracted by life. So if you want a 30 minute workout and you get up at 5:45, start by six. I don’t even pick up my phone until later in the morning so I’m not distracted. The other thing – this is key – is that I set out my workout clothes the night before, every single thing I’ll need, so I don’t have to look for anything. And it DOES take some doing to just DO IT NOW but the upside is that then it’s done. If I didn’t work out until later in the day, I might never do it, if that makes sense.
Filters that make people noseless?!?! What even?!
I wonder if I could do as you suggest and just hop out of bed into exercising???? If I learn how to wake up earlier, maybe I could persuade Leo that exercise comes before his routine????
YES, putting workout clothes out the night before is a great plan. Excellent. I should start doing that.
One way to flip that insecurity on its head is to think of yourself as a person who Deserves to hang out with your dear friend full stop. You don’t have to be fit or whatnot to have fun with your friend. In fact you wouldn’t hold your friend to any standard like that to spend time with you.
It sounds silly but that mindset is helpful to me in those situations. (I need to lose weight to be in a bathingsuit on a beach vs I can have fun on the beach in my bathing suit in this body, as it is. I deserve to be here).
Aaaand, where does that time in the morning go? I’m working on integrating some longer walks into my morning routine. So far, I’ve been able to squeeze in 20 minutes. Its something, but I should be able to get up a little earlier and do more. My kids get themselves ready nowadays.
That is a great way to reframe things, thank you!
My kid technically gets herself ready… but she needs a lot of reminders. Plus, she cannot wake up with an alarm clock, so I have to wake her up. (Our ten minutes of cat videos is our compromise so that she is pleasant in the morning.)
I have put that cat toy in my Amazon cart. Also the fidget toy.
I don’t know if this is helpful framing AT ALL—but in my experience, Very Fit people LIKE to be the fittest one. My mom has a good friend who is always measuring herself against my mom each time they get together, and she always “wins,” and this makes her happy. Once, when my mom lost a lot of weight from a medical incident, the friend’s visited coincided with the aftereffects of this incident, and the friend acted PISSY about it. You will have to take my word for it that this is an otherwise pleasant woman! But she clearly wanted to be Thinnest and Fittest, and everything was fine as long as she WAS. Oh dear, now it feels like I am saying something kind of unpleasant about your friend. I did not intend it that way! What I MEAN is that I have found it helpful, for myself, to think that just as I like it when I go to a friend’s house and it is messier than mine, it is possible other people feel GOOD or RELIEVED when they are thinner/tidier/etc. than other people, rather than feeling JUDGEY or CRITICAL about that person.
Where was I? OH, yes: I did not think of this in time when you were asking advice about room-cleaning and laundry, but with ONE of my kids, it worked BEAUTIFULLY to present it to him as an issue, just as you presented it on the blog, and then ask him if he had any genius ideas for fixing it (he was very big at the time on “genius ideas”). He would have loved the part where, for example, you didn’t want to clean it FOR him, but also found yourself unable to just let it be messy. Would have made him feel like A Grown-Up. Not as effective on the other kids, unfortunately, but worked A TREAT on that one.
Dorothy also has a tall rack and short rack in her closet and it took me literal YEARS to realize she would never use the tall rack, so you are already light years ahead of me.
2 things on the workout (and also I must also do it first or else I will not) 1. get cute exercise clothes that you can wear to do drop off– this has revolutionized my life and was worth the $$ (you can get dressed after you drop Carla, and if you need to meet s friend for coffee or something, head-to-toe Lulu is always fine 2. Cut out the bed rotting and just get up. Yes, this sucks, but it is also SO VERY EFFICIENT and then you can do the other stuff after you are kidless at a decent hour of the morning. (I am still working on this one, but I know I am much happier all day long when I actually do it).
**I am a nighttime shower-er, so I am ok with taking kids and even running an errand or two in my exercise clothes– I feel like if I showered in the AM, I might feel differently, but I am picky about going to bed clean, and I don’t heat style my hair…
So much to talk about here! I started working out in the mornings when I was in grad school, since it was absolutely the only free time that I had and it was either that or I wasn’t going to work out at all for two years. My best advice is to start with every other day so that you don’t have to get up at super early Every.Single.Weekday.Because.That.Sucks. Get the workout done and then straight into the shower, and then you’ll be free to tackle everything else. To this day I keep all of my workout clothes in our home gym so that they’re ready and waiting for me when and where I need them. I don’t know if it would work for your husband to get your daughter ready and take her to school once a week (or even once every two weeks or once a month???) but it could be a fun thing for them to do together and it would give you a little more breathing room.
How fun that you have friends staying with you! I guarantee that your friend will have an amazing time. She’ll go home after this weekend thinking “it was so fun to hang out with Suzanne, I need to figure out how to do that more often” and not “dang, Suzanne really let herself go. I cannot associate with such a person”.
I have a couple of dog toys that I keep out of reach for special occasions for exactly the same reason that you do – so that she doesn’t get bored with them.
Most days I wake up between 5 and 5:20, and I come down to have tea and play my word games. 6 – 7 I do weights and yoga, 7-7:45 I go for a walk, butt in the chair for work at 8. But I work from home and I don’t have to get anyone else anywhere.
I do put my workout clothes out the night before, so they are ready.
Carla’s closet is beautiful! I hope she’s happy with it.
I have similar thoughts about meeting people, especially people who are tiny and thin. Then I think about my friends who are heavier than me, and if I ever think mean thoughts about them, and the answer is no. So likely you’re just being mean to yourself. I hope you have a fabulous time!
I saw on my blog that your friend grew up in Walnut Creek! Crazy! Is that the friend you’re going to see, or a different one? If it’s that one, tell her the pomegranates are doing well.
I’m making note of both those toys- they might appear in my daughter’s stocking/under the “pet Christmas tree” on Christmas morning.
So about your incredibly fit friend- yikes! I can see how you would feel insecure (she holds fitness world records???) But I’ll tell you this- she feels insecure about her own things. She might be thinking that your hair is nicer, house is cleaner, daughter is better behaved… etc. etc! It would be incredibly silly to ruin your visit by comparing yourselves to each other like that. She won’t be judging you anymore than you’re judging her. I hope it’s fun!
If I want to run before taking my daughter to school, I have to get up at 5 (ugh.) Sometimes if I’m doing a different type of workout, I’ll do part of it, take her to school, and then come back and finish. The school dropoff really makes things tricky, but if I don’t exercise in the morning I feel anxious all day, and then sometimes I don’t get it done at all.
Nice job on Carla’s room! My daughter’s room needs a SERIOUS cleanout- I need to follow your example.
Your morning goals are much more ambitious than mine. I usually don’t leave for my morning walk until mid-morning. That only works because I work part-time and generally don’t get started until afternoon.
I would try to trust your friend is not judging you. As the commenter above said, she probably has her own completely different set of insecurities.
I commented yesterday and then lost the comment and was too demoralized to try to recreate it.
One of my very best friends was here this summer as she always is and we had that same conversation – how your mind eyes round up for people you love. Often people become better looking as you get to know them better, and the same for when you’ve known them forever, everyone seems to be aging so well lol.
Carla’s closet, yay! There were times when cleaning and organizing with the kids was sort of a game or fun activity and I would wonder why I hadn’t done it sooner, but it didn’t work every time. Eve is better at cleaning and organizing than I am, though. Angus was not when he was at home, but then he had two sloppy roommates and hated it, so now he’s good.
I have tried to work out in the early mornings and it makes me barfy. I do try to work out before much of anything else, because exercise is definitely the thing that gets bumped most easily. And yes it needs to be prioritized but so do a lot of other things, and they can’t all be first, you know? If you get anything done before leaving for school I am extremely impressed.
Eve’s former housemate made us an amazing apple cake in the summer, but I’m guessing this one had to be made without leavening agents?
Have the BEST VISIT.
I am not a morning person, and if I have to get UP before I can accomplish my Wordle and Connections, well, then my day is a loss.
Kidding. But I do envy people who can spring out of bed and exercise; that has never been me, never will be me.
Congratulations on the closet/bedroom cleanup with Carla. Hopefully some of the decisions you guys made will stick with her for a while and the battle will be over.
Our friends DO love us—for our heart, for our laughter, for our souls, not for the size of our butt. I should make that into a card, or perhaps a bumper sticker.
Oof – you are waking up so so early. That sounds dreadful. I’m not a wordle person. I race downstairs to try to get my workout in before tots get dropped off. with the nice weather, I’ve been able to take them on my morning walks so that helps. I’m sorry I don’t have an answer for you. Maybe have Carla get her license so she can drive herself to school. Ha.
Hooray for the room clean up with Carla,. That sounds like it went really really well. I think I’m going to have to go in and make that sort of intervention happen in Mini and Curly’s room, which is not gonna be fun because it’s Minii’s fault and she’s away at school.
I hope you have the best visit and I am confident that your friend is crazy about you for who you are and nothing else will get in the way of that.
Most mornings I do a short yoga routine—just 5–10 minutes—and every other day I add a little strength training for the same amount of time. Whether I fit it in often depends on if I’m driving Ella to school or Mike is. What I never skip is getting up early for my soul homework—that feels more essential to me than exercise.
I loved what you wrote about how love makes people appear differently. Yes, exactly. I believe that too. 💜
You do not want my morning routine, so I shall not even offer it.
Carla’s closet is #goals. Seriously. I’m back in my apartment with the reasonably sized closet (thank you, Universe) and now I want to organize it. Um. Maybe after the semester…
More Leo pictures. Please and thank you.