What is it about the brain that allows us to do things that actively run counter our best interests? I know I am not alone in this. But lately it feels like everywhere I turn, I run into an obstacle. And that obstacle is me.
- I keep waking up with headaches and jaw pain. This is, I am pretty sure, because I clench my teeth while I sleep. Luckily, I have a tool to prevent this from happening! An expensive tool, custom made for me at the dentist. For awhile it was packed away in a box, but it’s been on my nightstand for several weeks now. So why am I not using it??????
- My feet hurt if I don’t wear shoes. This is just a fact. And yet sometimes I will simply… not put on my shoes! Or sometimes, I don’t want to wear shoes when other people are in the house, because I don’t want to explain to them that it’s okay for ME to wear shoes, but not for them. When probably they would be fine with it. Nope. Instead, I walk around in my socks and then my feet ache.
- Exercise is essential for my mental health. I enjoy tiring my muscles out with strength training! I love being outside in the fresh air! I love the ache and exhaustion after I’ve worked hard. And yet I have not been exercising. Some of this is because my schedule is all over the place. But there are definitely some days where I could fit it in if I tried, and I talk myself out of it.
- Alone time is essential for my mental health. As an introvert, I NEED time alone to recharge my batteries. And yet I have been going to parties and volunteering at events with lots of people and meeting friends for coffee and doing things at Carla’s school and hosting my husband’s family for Thanksgiving. It’s all good stuff, it’s all stuff I want to do. But it doesn’t have to happen all at once. I can postpone things! I can even say no! WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF?
- If I don’t get immediate feedback, I expect the worst. Why is this? There is no reason for this! It’s not as though I usually get negative feedback, which might justify an expectation of negative feedback. No! I typically get positive feedback! And yet if I don’t hear anything, I worry and fret and angst and wonder what I can do to pre-emptively “fix” whatever it is I’ve done. WHY? I am wasting so much time and energy on pointless anxiety!
I know I’m fortunate in that none of these things are truly debilitating or dangerous. There are so many worse ways I could be acting against my best interests. But I really wish I knew how to get out of my own way.
Do you ever stand in your own way?
P.S. I always think the song “My Own Worst Enemy” is by Blink 182, but it’s by Lit.
I am kinda sorta attempting to complete NaBloPoMo, with the full expectation that life will make it impossible any day now. If you want to follow along, or join the fun, check out San’s blog here.
Hi Suzanne, I am sometimes an enemy to myself too. I’ve been putting off exercise recently, and stress kept mounting on. So I finally started dancing again–while watching movies. I highly recommend it! And then in terms of achy feet, my feet ache some too, but I got some very good orthopedic slippers and am very happy with them. I used to think that I’d have to dance in sports shoes but these slippers are okay too. Good luck with everything, and Happy Holiday Season! 🙂
Oof. These are all so relatable to me. Yes, I stand in my own way all. the. freaking. time.
I’ve been looking long and hard at some of my personality habits that are “obstacling” my path forward and trying to avoid them. But it’s hard. I’m trying hard to apply my “intuitive eating” approach to the rest of life. What do I dread? What is sucking out the joy? How many of these things am I doing because I “should” (based on society pressure) vs. because I actually want to? Some things are non-negotiable. I do not enjoy taking my kids to the dentist, but this needs to happen (though I now make my husband do it – haha), but some of the quasi-elaborate things I usually make for Christmas? I DO NOT NEED TO MAKE THESE.
One of my favourite quotes ever is from Tim Ferris who asked: What would this look like if it were easy? I wrote it in the back of a new journal and want to look at almost every problem this way, at least for now, because I tend to overcomplicate everything because I want everything to be perfect all the time and no one to dislike me ever because it that really too much to ask? Yes! And it’s impossible. GAH.
I JUST stepped down from a big volunteer gig, gave my two months notice at a job that was an energy sink, and have cut way back on exercise and I’m proud of/needed to do ALL THOSE THINGS. I’m viewing all of this as progress?
I get this. I am often my worst problem and I cannot escape me to solve it. I default expecting the worst if I don’t get immediate feedback, too. I can’t explain it but have come to realize it’s the way I’m wired, unlike my husband who defaults to the opposite idea. We all go through life in our own ways, some more easily than others.
I’m guessing that 100% of the people reading this post can relate;-) Not that you need my advice but speaking as someone who’s married to a chronic PF sufferer – I say out of all of the things on this list take care of your feet. Wear the shoes!!!! And don’t hesitate to ask anyone who comes into your house to take their shoes off! With no explanations because 99.9% of people are not looking at your feet.
Aww, this list made me feel so seen, so thank you! I do a lot of these things too. It’s like we stop doing our self care checklist and everything spirals and it’s hard to get back on track! I hope you can do some of these things soon – especially get time to yourself and exercise!
I am my own worst enemy with food. I know how I need to eat to feel well and sometimes I just don’t want to and… surprise surprise I don’t feel well! D’oh.
You have got to wear your shoes! The only times I don’t wear shoes are when I’m sleeping, showering, or doing yoga. I promise it helps! Even though sometimes I also just want to forgo shoes or slippers and just cross the room in my bare feet to get a book. BUT I DON’T.
Right now I am 100% on board with the introvert problem. I am now at work in an office all day with random people popping in and out. This is good. I like my job, I like my co-workers, I like the random students. BUT. Then I get home and I have more stuff to do with my volunteer gig and there’s literally not an evening this week I don’t have to do something there. I mean, I like it, but I need some couch time with my kitty. She and I are suffering. Fortunately for me, this volunteer stuff will be done at the end of the year and I am So. Excited.
I do stand in my own way much of the time. I think most of us do. What I especially don’t like is when I’m mean to myself with negative self-talk. Others treat me well and admire me, so why can’t I do that also?
HA ha ha ha ha ha no never *looks shifty*. Disregard this if it’s not useful, but I have a pair of Croc sandals that I only wear in the house, so it’s obvious that they are inside shoes.
I also have a night guard that I don’t use. I have a CPAP so at this point it’s an appliance too far, but I didn’t use it even before that.
And exercise. Don’t even get me started.
Solidarity, Sister.
I could answer yes to some of you obstacles – needing to exercise more and not taking enough time for my introvert self. You are not alone! Try to be gentle on yourself and celebrate the small wins maybe?
Ha, I like how everyone is focusing on the shoe thing. Yes, wear shoes! After over three years of PF, I almost always wear shoes… except for those times (which are way more frequent than sanity would dictate) where I just want to “try” walking without them. How will I ever know if I’m getting better if I don’t try it out? So far, it still hurts. But I’m sure any day now it will suddenly clear up!
Maybe I can scare you into wearing your nightguard: if you grind your teeth at night you are wearing down the enamel and will have dental problems later on. Trust me on this one.
And, yes. I stand in my own way all the time! It’s funny how we all have our things. I do exercise, but I don’t make cleaning and organizing the house a priority, which means I’m constantly fighting against clutter. I would love to see if anyone who comments will say “Why no, I NEVER EVER stand in my own way.” I think just about everyone does it, just in different ways.
Ugh I am the QUEEN of self-sabotage, so I totally get this! The foot thing— that’s why I got those supremely ugly slippers. I was worried about the shoes for me/no shoes for others thing.
Piping up to say that my husband has a pair of orthopedic sandals (they look like Birkenstocks) that he only wears in the house and no one would think that they would be anything but indoor shoes. Wait, my mom does this too! Anyway, I get it because I dislike shoes in the house but indoor shoes are a whole different story. At our recent Halloween party a woman brought her big fuzzy slippers to go with her sexy costume, saying “I just want my feet to be warm” and I was super impressed with her! Live your truth, babe!
Oof. It’s hard to “realize” what you’re doing to sabotage yourself but NOT doing the thing that will remedy the situation. I think sometimes it has to do with building new habits (it takes time. As long as you have to actively think about something, it creates extra mental work) and sometimes it’s just about “saying no”, which some of us have not learned how to do.
Couple of comments- I went through an adjustment stage with my night guard a long time ago. After a week or so…well, let’s just say I can’t sleep without it. Also I have full-blown TMJ syndrome and it’s a real pain -in more ways than one. Just try for a few nights! As Canadians, we are a “no shoes in the house” people. But I cannot go barefoot, so have indoor shoes. No one questions them, I take them when we go out (in summer it’s flip-flops; my son just bought me a pair of line crocs for winter – I LOVE them!
Thanks for the reminder that I need to wear my nightguard. I’m going to crack my teeth if I keep foregoing it. I like not wearing it though.
My song for when I am getting in my own way is “Don’t Let Me Get Me”, by Pink. I just wake up with it in my head, and I know I’ve done something stupid. Too many chips, too much wine, messed up something at work, neglected to do my weights, the list goes on.
Oh man, this is our toddler’s theme song. He will even sing along to it. And he IS the problem most of the time. He can’t help it because he is a toddler. But I have had to explain what the word sabotage means to our 5.5 yo because he is constantly sabotaging himself. He wants to be the first to do everything (brush teeth, put on shoes, get in the car). It is SO ANNOYING! And yet – he will sabotage himself and watch his brother get his shoes on but won’t put his own dang shoes on so that he can then complain that he wasn’t first!
I’ve side tracked myself here. We are all our own worst enemy at times. I am guilty of this as well. It’s good to recognize what things you SHOULD be doing that you aren’t so you can try to be better. But we are not perfect and you have so much going on right now so I think it’s a good time to cut yourself some slack!
Sigh. I am you. Especially with the exercise thing. That’s the first thing I let go if I’m under a time crunch (totally self-induced), and it’s the primary thing I need. We need to be our own best friends STARTING NOW.
I’ve gotten better over the years… I used to always, always assume the worst but learned to pull myself out and say “YOU CAN HANDLE IT.” Whatever it is, you can handle it. Sometimes I say to myself when I’m spinning “stop it.” and that kind of cuts through the noise and I can be myself again.
I totally relate. In my own journey i found that often it was because I was not putting my well-being as a priority because I was putting everyone and everything else above myself on the priority pole and by the time I got to myself I was too tired to put forth effort. Sometimes it was procrastination but really boiled down to the same reason. There was a time when I felt bad about myself because I knew that I was neglecting myself and that caused me to treat myself even worse because I was holding onto guilt and shame towards myself. Acceptance of self and the will to change were my first steps. We are in control of how our lives are we just may not realize that so we haven’t taken control yet (if that makes sense).
I can soooo relate! I *know* that going outside and being in the sunshine and moving my body will help my mood, but do I do it? Nooooo. I know I should wear my PF slippers around my house, but do I do it? NEVER. We can absolutely be our own worst enemies sometimes!
*tentatively raises hand*
Just going to point out, gently, that you JUST MOVED and also you’re HOSTING Thanksgiving and other than wearing the shoes and cutting way back on the peopling (seriously, wear the shoes), don’t be too hard on yourself. These things are hard enough to do when life hasn’t been tossed upside down and sideways. <3
I can completely relate to this. Currently reading The Mountain is You and it is calling me out on ALL of my self-sabotaging behaviour. Oops? But I’m making small changes, slowly, and I know they will all add up in the end 🙂
I feel you. My worst enemy. Why do we self sabotage? Why are we such masochist? Still searching for an answer…