Despite the fact that my husband’s suitcase from our vacation is still sitting on our bedroom floor…

Our lovely two-week vacation took place MONTHS ago.

And now I’m going to recap it.

With PHOTOZ!!!!*

Warning: I took a LOT of photos. And the ones I’m posting here are just the “best” ones. Get ready…

On a sunny day in late February, we flew into Bozem@n, Mont@na where my parents picked us up. Then we made the long trek up the mountain to the Big $ky/Moonlight B@sin Ski Resorts.

Our condo had a theme.

Any guesses about the owner’s favorite long-legged woodland creature?

The stuffed moose above the fireplace had cobwebs between its antlers. And inside its nostrils.

(I suck at inserting photos into posts. Sorry about that.)

The first day, we skiied our butts off. My dad and I have this game we play where we try to get our “cost per ski run” down to the lowest figure possible. So if lift tickets cost $50, and we got in 10 runs, we’d be “paying” $5 per run.  I believe we got in about 16 to 20 runs per day. What can I say? We are cheap.

This is the kind of terrain we were skiing.

The tips of my skis. I love my Atomics. Even if they are 10 years old.

The second day of the trip, it snowed. I was really sick – sick enough that I stayed home and worked. And moaned. And hacked up a lung or two. I don’t like skiing in the snow anyway.

(My husband can sure make a snowy day look beautiful, huh?)

I’ve been coming to these ski resorts (which are right next to each other) since before I could ski. (And I was skiing at two.)

But I never get tired of the views.

Since I was doing a couple hours’ work each morning (at 6:00 am), I caught quite a few sunrises from our condo’s tiny balcony. For a few minutes one morning, the sunlight was caught on one tiny peak of the Spanish Peaks.

Another day, the sun turned the entire sky the softest pink.

For the second half of our vacation, we exchanged this…

… for this.

That’s right! P@lm Springs. Land of palm trees and 70 degree days.

I love the juxtaposition of palm trees and green grass against snow-speckled mountains.

Okay, so you may have to squint a little to see the snow in the mountains. But it’s there.

Our condo overlooked a golf course.

We went for long walks in the sunshine. We sunned ourselves by the pool.

Then we went to The Living Desert, which was awesome. There, we saw lots of cactus.

This is, like, one tenth of the cactus photos I have. I AM BEING SERIOUS. And that’s just from my camera. Between my husband and me, we must have around 4,000 photos of cactus.  It’s kind of a fascinating plant, photography-wise.

But no one needs THAT MANY pictures of cactus.

We saw some palm trees that look like they are wearing baggy, hairy trousers.

And some cute animals.

Badger! Not the most exciting animal in the world. But cute because he was so fat.

Excuse me. “Stocky.”

This caracal came running when a Living Desert employee called her name. Then she hissed at some little kids who got too close to the bars of her cage.

Clarification: The caracal hissed. Not the employee.

The kids did not bat an eyelash. They continued to taunt the caracal through the bars until I was very concerned that they’d lose their chubby little fingers.

Some sort of panther, I think? He was too full of himself to even look at us.

Foxy.

Uuuuuuuhhhhhh. Wolves give me the creeps.

Then we saw some birds.

No idea what this bird was. But he was totally unafraid of us. He and the other birds were in big enclosures we could walk through, and this dude was chilling right by the pathway.

“‘Sup, bitches.”

Snowy egrets, I think? In any case, lovely birds whose feathers remind me of my grandfather’s hair.

Roadrunner. Beep beep!

A bunch of wild roadrunners were trotting around outside the bird enclosure, trying to figure out what their buddy was doing inside.

Eating fat, delicious grubs from the fingers of the bird woman, that’s what.

This ostrich was a little on the hysterical side. He kept running around his enclosure. And when an ostrich runs? It’s a little freaky. Those things are huge.

How’d you like to see that face bearing down on you at 40 miles per hour?

Okay, I have no idea if they run that fast. But it seemed pretty speedy. Faster than I can run, that’s for sure.

We saw a few four-legged ruminants. Like the White Bearded Malbec of the Sub-Sahara.

Just kidding. I don’t remember what it is. Antelope? Gazelle? It was hot, y’all.

The weather. Not the antezelle thingy.

More four-legged ruminants. I don’t know why I insist on calling them “four-legged.” Aren’t all ruminants four-legged?

Do warthogs count as ruminants? Eh. I could look it up. But I’m much too lazy. Much like this warthog.

Okay, okay. Maybe he was more “hungover” than “lazy.” I’m not judging either way. I work in my pajamas, yo.

Then there was this pig thing.

Fun story: We were at The Living Desert on a Wednesday morning. So naturally, about twelve gazillion school children were there too. When we got up to this pig enclosure, the guide told the kids not to bother it because he was “stressed out” from moving pens.

Did the kids care? No.

The tour guide was also very insistent that no one call this pig thing a warthog. Might offend his delicate sensibilities.

Then we saw some flowers.

Ah, vivid color!

The desert isn’t just brown and grey, y’allz.

Woot woot! This is super exciting, I know it!

But I saved the best for last you guys!

What’s that, there on the horizon?

GIRAFFES!

Extreme close up!!!

Okay, that’s as extreme as you get when you are 300 yards from a giraffe in a giant desert enclosure, separated by a fence, a moat, and a hyperactive ostrich.

Alternate giraffe view. I call this, “Giraffe auditioning for ANTM.” Says Tyra, “I like that I can see your neck, but you’re not smiling with your eyes.”

The desert can be pretty spectacular, no?

So, little-known fact: I celebrated my birthday while on vacation. TWENTY NINE.

Which means that I got TWO parties – one with each set of parents. YAY!

My family and my husband’s family spoiled the bejeezus out of me. In fact, here are some of my spoils:

Dress from J. Crew (This is pretty much the worst picture ever taken. It is actually a quite cute dress of a normal knee-length.)

Shirt from J. Crew (Loving the backdrop, aren’t you. These clothes are hanging off of our wine rack/stand/thingybob because this is the only place in our apartment with moderately decent light.)

Other shirt from J. Crew (Hmmm. Am sensing pattern…)

Red shoes!  (Please forgive the wrinkles in the clothing and shoes. I have packed them all in at least one suitcase since the vacation. So they got a little smushed.)

A massage! (Like the first shirt, this is from my sweet hubby.)

Nordstrom cash!

I feel very lucky. What a generous family.

Ohmahgah Internet. This is The Longest Post Ever. It’s taken me three hours and a bottle of wine to get through.

Just kidding. I only had one beer and about seven Diet Cokes. (No wonder I’ve had to take about 20 potty breaks.)

(Seriously. My bladder is the size of a thimble.)

But now? This post is OVAH.

No more vacation recap hanging over my head.

PHEW.

So…

To recap the recap…

From snow-capped peaks…

To sun-drenched palm trees…

It was an amazing trip.

Wait. That would have made for a MUCH shorter post.

Dammit.

Now I really need some wine.

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* All photos by either me or my husband**.

** All the best ones are by my husband.