day to day ridiculousness

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Mountain Time

I have just returned from the loveliest two-week trip: a drive through the Canadian Rockies with my husband, bracketed on either end by precious time with my parents in their mountain home. I feel a little jet-lagged, water-logged, flooded with the joy of a truly pleasurable vacation.

Let’s not bury the lede: I got to meet Nicole, in person. She is, unsurprisingly, gorgeous and warm and generous and kind. She and her husband showed us the most delightful time. We drank really good wine. We ate a dinner of quinoa, roasted veggies, and lentils that I am still thinking about, plus a kale salad with the best Caesar dressing, followed by a luscious lemony cake topped by homegrown raspberries. I got to meet REX, and give him pets and tell him to his face that he is the softest, handsomest boy. I got to chat with Nicole’s son, who is one of the most charming, attentive, interesting young people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, and he allowed me to hug him even though I am apparently of the age where I refer to twenty-somethings as “young people.” I got to ogle Nicole’s garden, and admire her prolific zucchini plants (she gave me three monstrous zucchini to take home; they were delicious). I did not take nearly enough pictures, or spend nearly enough time with Nicole. Our husbands are, obviously, fantastic, and I think next time we will allow them space to do their own thing so Nicole and I can cover all the extremely important topics we didn’t get to during our much-too-short time together.

An extremely distinguished gentleman.

Driving through British Columbia and Alberta with my husband was magical. Spending time together, just the two of us: It feels both simplistic and true to say that I enjoy his company. We travel well together. He’s a thoughtful and careful planner, and I like to think I’m an agreeable and supportive companion.

We listened to a podcast recommended by Engie, DNFed one audiobook and got a good chunk of the way through another. We giggled over Canada’s road signage (it seemed to us that things like “no services 110 km” would be more helpful before we’d passed the last town for 110 km) and wished that all US highways would follow Canada’s lead with the number of passing lanes they include. We stared in awe at the landscape and pulled over many, many times to try to capture the jaw-dropping beauty of the mountains and turquoise lakes with our phones. We ate tons of delicious food (my favorite, next to Nicole’s home cooking, was a meal of birria tacos in Banff) and did lots of sightseeing.

We visited multiple local bookstores, and my husband encouraged me to buy some souvenirs. (I also bought a really excellent book for a friend and had the author sign it.)

We encountered a lot of wildfire smoke. Sometimes it obscured almost everything.

Sometimes it leant an ethereal magic to our views.

Sometimes it disappeared at just the right moment for us to experience the pristine splendor of the landscape.

We didn’t see any wildlife at all, beyond a few birds and mammals that we can see in our own backyard, thank you very much.

Speaking of wildlife, we did admire our cat, via the cat cam. He spent a lot of time sitting glumly on the counter, waiting for someone (me?) to come tell him to get off. He also spent one morning exploring my mother-in-law’s set up for making hot fudge. He went so far as to get in the pot, which is horrifying and hilarious in equal measure. (Don’t worry: we did let her know that her hot fudge vessel had been contaminated before she started cooking.) I love that he looks directly at the cat cam. He knows (I fully believe) that he’s doing something we would not approve of, and he knows that we know what he’s doing, and he wants us to know that he knows we know, and he’s doing it anyway.

We had a wonderful time together, and loved the parts of Canada we saw. I hope someday soon we can explore other provinces… and perhaps visit Allison and Elisabeth in their corners of their stunning country.

Even though it’s a place I visit regularly (although nowhere near often enough), my parents’ mountain home is no less stunning or special.

Spending time with my parents feels both mundane and precious. We do things we’ve been doing for decades – walk the same mile-long forest loop, brave the black cold of the same lake, sit on the deck listening to hundred-year-old aspen gossip in the breeze – while knowing there will be a last time for each of these experiences.

Being among the mountains makes me feel small and insignificant and acutely aware of the vastness of time and the ephemeral nature of our lives.

I’m an introspective kind of gal, as you are well aware, and I spent a lot of this trip thinking about time. The mountains wrap me in a paradoxical kind of time warp, where I feel both the speed of time passing by and a simultaneous timelessness.

My parents are aging, I cannot deny that. In fact, several of our conversations this trip centered around estate planning, on things my husband and I need to know when their mountain home becomes ours. My daughter is now a teenager, nearly my height, about to begin eighth grade. My husband and I are solidly, undeniably middle-aged.

And yet: everything is the same as it’s always been.  

Even though the individual aspen that make up the skyline around my parents’ house have been around for a mere century, their underground root systems are thousands of years old. The peaks I admire as my dad guides our thirty-year-old boat around the lake were thrust into being fifty million years ago. Glaciers and water and tectonic shifts have sculpted the mountains and valleys into their current form over the intervening millennia. It is astonishing to me that I can admire the artistry of forces so enormous I can hardly conceptualize them, that I am alive for this eyeblink of a moment, that I can choose to spend my time with the people I love most while surrounded by such extraordinary beauty.

I am bobbing, breathless, in the same lake I’ve been swimming in since I was a little girl, the same lake my father visited as a boy, and his father before him. My daughter, shrieking, leaping into the bracing deep beside me, simultaneously thirteen and five and two and ages I have yet to experience. Around us, a crenellation of stately serene peaks that have stood sentry over each of us in turn, in a valley that was once itself a massive inland sea.

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Five for Friday on a Sunday

1. Five Plant Updates

  • The eggshells seem to have helped? Earlier this month, I’d begun sprinkling eggshells around my coleus plants and hydrangeas, in the hopes of deterring the slugs that seem to have been ripping them to shreds. The coleus is definitely thriving. This could, of course, be due to a break in our ungodly heat, but I’m going to credit the eggshells.
    • My zucchini plants have begun bearing fruit! Well, one of them has, at least. I have already eaten one zucchini and there are two more in varying stages of readiness. It’s not a Nicole-level haul, by any means, but it’s something.
    • I finally set up the grow lights for my indoor plants. I don’t know that the plants are doing any better than before, but perhaps these things take time. Also, I am terrible at watering them, just, really dreadful.
    • Last year, we redid a bunch of our landscaping. I kind of hate it. I am trying to be patient, because things take time. We did plant young plants and shrubs, so they will probably require a few years before they look as envisioned. But I’m not sure I’ll like it even then. There are just too many discrete little bundles of growth all over. It looks fussy and overly ornate and I do not care for it. Of course, I can do NOTHING about this, except spend $$$$ to redo what I’ve already spent $$$$ to do.
    • Looks like my mystery plant is a weed. So disappointing! I was hoping for a big gorgeous phlox, but – Suz, you called it! – it seems to be some kind of willowherb. If its flowers were more impressive, I might consider keeping it, but I don’t love the way it looks. Plus, it sounds like it can take over pretty quickly/easily, so I’m getting rid of it.

      2. Five Pleasing Purchases

      • Battery Operated Clip-On Fan: We got this little guy for Carla to take to camp and I am quite impressed with it. Unlike pretty much every other option available, this fan is truly battery operated. It does not require being plugged in to anything, which was important during camp when Carla had no access to an outlet. Plus, it produces quite a decent breeze for such a small fan.
      • Three Piece (Swim)Suit: Carla got a new bathing suit earlier this summer and I loved it so much, I bought one for myself. It has shorts, which I prefer to bikini bottoms. It has a bikini top, which feels daring and fun. And it has a tank top that goes over everything. ALL of it is swimwear, so I can wear all three pieces at once, or I can jettison the tank top if I feel brave or overhot. It strikes me as more sporty than sexy, which I like both for myself and my teen. And it comes in a wide array of colors, which kind of makes me want to get another one.
      • Great Gift for Puzzle Lovers: My husband got some pretty unsurprising gifts for Father’s Day, but they were things he’d expressly asked for (car wash coupons, new perfume), so I dutifully got him the unsurprising gifts. Then I came across this book of puzzles and thought he would enjoy them, so I added it in as a little bonus. He’s a fan of logic puzzles and a fan of number puzzles (Sudoku, Kakuro, KenKen), and this is a mix of both. Turns out that he loves it. Definitely the sleeper hit from Father’s Day.
      • Shower Hair Catcher: I mentioned that I was thinking about getting this for one of the members of my household. I did, and it’s amazing.
      • Cat Brushing Tool: My beautiful medium-haired kitty sheds constantly, despite regular brushing. I ordered this grooming glove to see if it would make a difference, and, while it doesn’t seem to reduce the amount of fur on our floors by one tiny tumbleweed, Lenny loves it. And it really does collect a disturbing amount of fur, each time I use it. I’m about as good at brushing the kitty as I am about watering the plants, though, so let’s keep that in mind.

        3. Five Recent Reads

        • The Vanishing Place by Zoe Rankin: (bookshop.org link / amazon link) This book was fast-paced and well written. It reminded me, in some ways, of Heartwood and Gray After Dark with a soupcon of The Return of Ellie Black. (I loved all but the latter, although I think I was in the minority on disliking that one.) 
        • Helpless by Jessica Knoll: (bookshop.org link / amazon link) I don’t even know how to describe this book. Maybe The Three Lives of Cate Kay meets Fifty Shades of Grey? It was predictable, outlandish, steamy, disturbing, and I loved every minute of it.
        • Hot Girl Murder Club by Ashley Winstead: (bookshop.org link / amazon link) I love Ashley Winstead, but this was not my favorite of her books. The concept is fun – a group of prominent Hollywood women start avenging other women’s poor treatment – but it was a little silly and overly convoluted for me. I still gobbled it down, though.
        • The Neighbors Are Watching by Aggie Blum Thompson: (bookshop.org link / amazon link) I love a juicy story about neighbors behaving badly, and this did not disappoint.
        • The Keeper by Tana French: (bookshop.org link / amazon link) I have been savoring this, the latest (and last) in Tana French’s Cal Hooper trilogy. Savoring mainly because I am reading it in hardcover and I tend to fall asleep when I’m reading a physical book. She is such a master at atmosphere, at threading a mystery into the landscape, at revealing deep-seated truths that I’ve never heard voiced. This reminds me, in some ways, of my favorite of her Dublin Murder Squad books, Broken Harbor; it identifies an insidious aspect of society that is growing, unstoppably, beneath the foundations people build their lives on. It’s so good and I’m going to miss Cal and Lena and Trey.

          4. Five Meals I’d Make Again:

          • Beef Stroganoff: I’m kinda sorta off chicken right now, which makes me feel like my meal preferences are wildly unbalanced. As though there’s a spectrum and Veggies Only are on one end and Beef is on the other end, and I keep careening from one end to the other. I realize it doesn’t work like that, and yet it still feels weird. Anyway: this recipe is excellent and I always double the mushrooms.
          • Cold Peanut Ginger Noodles: I made this a few weeks ago, in the heart of the heat wave, and it was delicious and lasted for days. The weird ingredient here is candied ginger, which I dutifully chopped and added. Despite my skepticism, it really did meld into the dish in a way that was delicious and unexpected.
          • Salmon Crunch Bowls: This recipe is from What to Cook When You Don’t Feel Like Cooking; I have yet to try anything from this cookbook that isn’t delicious, and this is no exception. My husband doesn’t like salmon, but he quite liked this dish. I like how customizable it is, too.
          • Chickpeas al Limone with Burrata: This is exactly my kind of dish: lemony, cheesy, easy. The last time I made it, I stir fried some zucchini at the very beginning of the cooking and added that to the chickpea mixture. Like a bunch of the comments suggested, I didn’t bother with a separate bowl for the lemon juice and parmesan; I just added that straight to the chickpeas in the pot. Also, my husband and I are divided about the inclusion of burrata. I felt it was superfluous. He loved the burrata and felt that the parmesan could have been excluded.  
          • Crunchwrap: I owe Birchie big time for introducing me to the crunchwrap as a concept I could make at home. They are easy, delicious, and very customizable. My husband uses ground beef taco meat in his; I use black beans as my protein; Carla sticks with cheese. I cannot abide the thought of warm lettuce, and you know how I feel about tomatoes, so this is a recipe perfect for our current ongoing state of lettuce aversion.

              5. Five Occasions of Quintessential Cute Catness

              • Hunting a Moth: The expert predator stalks his prey.
              • Enduring Enrichment: Carla and I built this enrichment activity for Lenny – he has to navigate a series of strings to retrieve his treats – and he was mostly unimpressed.
              • Investigating an Unknown Space: Carla and I were cleaning her bathroom and Lenny climbed into one cabinet and into a drawer so he could help us organize the other cabinet.
              • Testing Out New Spots: Carla found a couple of carpet squares and put them down in the basement. Lenny obligingly sat on each of them.
              • Hugging a Toy: Lenny wore himself out by hiding in this tiny perfectly sized box and leaping onto a tennis ball. But sleepy as he was, he refused to relinquish the tennis ball.
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                Summertime Schedules

                For the most part, summer has been great. Carla, I think, has had a good mix of being in camp and not being in camp. It’s been a good mix for me, too, because I’ve had some nice chunks of Not Driving. We could be doing more friend get-togethers, but those have proven surprisingly difficult to arrange; I’m assuming everyone else is in the same boat of trying to work vacation and camp and downtime into the remaining days before school starts.

                The hardest part of summer for me is the lack of a set schedule. Sure, it seems nice, to have loose lazy days where we do not much of anything at all… but in practice, I end up feeling kind of yucky about it. I think if we had a more rigid schedule on most days, an occasional lazy day would feel more like a break than a waste of time.

                Well, it feels quite late in the game to be thinking about re-jigging our schedule. Especially as we have both a two-week vacation AND another full week of sleepaway camp coming up which will throw everything into disarray.

                It feels kind of stupid to be stressing about schedules in the summer. And yet, I persist. The stress is the result of two pressures. No, three pressures:

                • Academic Pressure: I want to make sure that Carla stays engaged in things that challenge her brain and encourage critical thinking. Plus, she has a robust array of summer assignments she’s supposed to complete.
                • Sports Pressure: Carla is an active, athletic kid who likes to participate in sports. We’ve never gotten into the whole travel/club sports scene, about which, frankly, I feel quite relieved. (My god, talk about stress and scheduling complexity.) She’s only participated in sports through school. For my particular child, who is unlikely to play sports in college let alone professionally, sports offer an array of benefits that go beyond Being A Star X Player. I want her to continue to play the sports she likes and continue to feel good about her contribution to her teams. As she gets older, and as her peers advance their own skills, it feels more and more important to encourage her to practice and build up her strength and endurance. I would also love for her to get into the habit of regular exercise, because it’s good and necessary for her. She got this for her birthday, which seems like a way to combine fun and exercise. If the weather would cooperate, maybe we can try it out.
                • Break Pressure: The counterweight to the above two pressures is the pressure to give Carla a freaking break, and let her experience the pleasure and freedom and, yes, boredom of long, lazy summer days with no commitments and no expectations. When I was her age, I had ZERO summer expectations. I’m pretty sure I either stayed at home with my brother and his nanny all day, or my mom dropped me off at various friends’ houses on her way to work in the morning and the friend and I roamed around town all day until my mom picked me up on her way home from work. I had no summer homework, no summer sports practice, no summer camps, no supervision. It was glorious. Clearly, it was a different time. For many, many reasons, I don’t think trying to recreate that experience for my kid would fly. But I do want her to have SOME of that summer freedom. It’s so fleeting.

                My reaction to all these pressures has been to create a daily schedule.

                I did a lot of research into schedules, and compromised my morals by asking ChatGPT for help fitting everything we wanted to do into each day. Then I designed the schedule in Canva and had Office Max print it out and laminate it for me, so we can add specifics to each day. It’s taped to the kitchen wall, directly across from Carla’s spot at the table.

                I like this schedule because it incorporates all the things I want Carla to experience in a week: dedicated time for schoolwork, exercise, and music alongside plenty of time to do Summer Things. The key for me is that we get all the work done before noon, and then our afternoons are wide open. That feels both doable and like I’m not weighing her down with a grueling workload. I feel like having a half-hour dedicated to music practice, for instance, is a lot less onerous than telling her, “You need to practice your music today.” I want all her to-dos to be finite.

                The schedule worked beautifully. For about a week and a half. Then, as is ALWAYS my problem, one little hiccup brought down the whole system. If I had to identify one culprit, it would be going to bed late. Carla still, at thirteen, does best if she gets ten to twelve hours of sleep a night, and sleep has always, always been one of my top priorities for her. Which means I am reluctant to wake her up at seven when she’s gone to bed at eleven the night before.

                Nights are SO HARD though! My husband is not on a summer schedule. He is on his regular, everyday work schedule. He gets home at six or seven most nights, works out, and then we eat dinner at eight or so. We like to watch Taskmaster as a family, and it’s very difficult to keep ourselves to one episode a night (although we succeed, most nights). This means that Carla’s 8:30 bedtime creeps up to 9:30 or 10:00 and sometimes later.

                Could I be more strict? Certainly. But it’s not easy, and I grow weary of being the Bedtime Bitch who is pushing and nagging and trying to keep everyone on track. (I would also prefer to go to bed at 9:30 or 10:00; but I still read to Carla every night, so when her bedtime gets pushed back, so does mine, and I end up in bed around midnight. I still wake up at 5:30, so I am VERY TIRED a lot of the time. Which also makes it harder for me to keep on top of things.)

                Last night was one of the late nights – and I think Carla was up until midnight working on her summer reading, which is both commendable (and relatable) and also go to sleep. This morning, I feel groggy and unmotivated. How am I supposed to motivate my child into action when I struggle with motivating myself??? If I allow her to sleep in, she’ll have more energy for getting things done… but then our schedule will creep into the afternoon, and we won’t have time for the fun stuff… and then I’ll feel like a Mean Mom, or we’ll allow fun stuff to bleed into the evening, and then we’re in bed at midnight and the whole misshapen cycle continues.

                Well, there’s not a lot to be done except try to get back on track.