We have had a very lovely plaster expert in our house this week, repairing the ceiling. I am so very delighted that it is HAPPENING that I am almost giddy.
The plaster expert – can we call him Bob? – is very nice and very friendly and very good at his job. Nonetheless, I feel quite awkward and displaced having him here in the house with me.
One thing about Bob is that he is chatty. We had someone in our house a few years ago, stretching our carpets, and I think I talked to him when he arrived, when he left, and when I felt guilty he was here in my house and I wasn’t offering him any human interaction, so I’d peek in and ask if he was okay or needed anything. My recollection is that he never needed anything and didn’t seem to welcome my overtures any more than I wanted to offer them. It was an ideal situation.
Bob, though… Bob wants to chat. Chew the fat. Shoot the shit. I cannot tell you how much I do not want to do this. I don’t know Bob – I mean, I found him through the recommendation of a friend who had used him on several projects, so he wasn’t a complete “stranger,” I guess… but I am not particularly comfortable sharing personal details with him, and it makes me equally uncomfortable to hear his personal details. And Bob is a bit of an oversharer. Or perhaps I am a severe undersharer, not that you would never know that by reading this blog. What I’m saying is I know much more about his pets and their mating habits than I ever wanted to know.
That’s the other thing. It’s not just that Bob is chatty, it’s that the content of his chats is a little… questionable. He’s not… stepping over any lines, but he gets close enough to the line that I’m a little wary, you know? Like, do I, his client, need to know that he was out smoking weed with some friends recently? No, I do not. In fact, as an independent contractor myself, I would never think to share something like that with a client. Ever. Nor would I ask for advice from a client about whether it was appropriate for a girl I’ve been dating for a month to install a location tracking app on my phone. (No.)
The other other thing about Bob is that time is very fluid for him. He says he will be here at a certain time, and then that time slowly morphs into a later time. And then the chatting – which I try to engage in enough that he feels warm and friendly toward me, but also try to curb so that he and I both have time to do actual work – pushes things back even further.
Part of it is my fault, completely. When we originally discussed this job, he said it would take two days. And I didn’t ask what a “day” was; was it 9:00 to 5:00? Was it a couple of hours in the middle of the day? What did it mean? And instead it seems that there is a significant amount of fluidity in what a day actually is. One day, it’s 11:00 to 5:00. The next day it’s 9:30 to 4:00… but oh, then 9:30 gets pushed back to 11:00, so maybe it will be 11:00 to 5:00 again except I have to leave before that to take Carla to one of her many events.
I don’t know if it’s just me, or if this is just The Current State of Things, but finding someone to do this project was… difficult. I contacted probably between 7 to 10 people and 4 of them showed up to look at it. Only two made a bid on the job, and this guy was the one who’d been recommended by someone I know. I really am grateful that he showed up and is doing the work. And the work is good! The ceiling looks great!
I am trying, so hard, to be a hospitable client. The type of person that a contractor would like to work for. I give him bottled water, I offer him cookies, I ask him what music he wants to listen to, I smile at him when he talks to me, I make little off-hand comments about the weather, I compliment him on the work, I listen and respond politely when he chats at me. I literally don’t know what to do beyond these things, but I hope they seem friendly enough.
But it’s weird, and wildly uncomfortable, to have someone in my home all day every day for days on end. This is a Me Thing, I get it, but I feel panicky and overwhelmed. I feel extremely on edge. I feel like I am constantly trying to extricate myself from conversations, constantly looking at the clock, constantly having internal arguments about how I should just TELL HIM when to arrive and leave, I am the one paying him, but then my fear that he will simply leave and not come back wins out and I wind up nodding as he tells me in excruciating detail about the experience of purchasing his new car.
I was whining to a friend about how uncomfortable the chatting makes me, and she said, “Oh, maybe he’s lonely.” And yes, perhaps. That is a very loving and compassionate perspective. Yet all I want to do is hole up in my office and see him once when he arrives and once when he leaves and THAT’S ALL.
It seems as though I am doing NaBloPoMo this month, which is 30 blog posts in 30 days. (Will I make it??? Only time will tell.) Details at San’s blog here.
Yes, he’s probably lonely, although he does have a girl who has wanted to install a location tracker, so…
But he might not be lonely, he might just be one of those people who likes to overshare and chat, and that sounds…well, it sounds irritating to be honest. I’ve had many many many workpeople in my house and I usually have a very brief chat before and after their job, I offer coffee and a snack, but never is it a LONG conversation. Well, once I talked about being vegetarian to my plumber who said “If you don’t eat meat, what DO you eat? I don’t have any meals that aren’t meat.” Which, what? None? But anyway I digress.
It does seem hard to get tradespeople now. This is why I am THRILLED my younger son wants to go into trades. He will never be unemployed (I hope).
Oh! Maybe it’s the pandemic that makes people like him chattier? Like he couldn’t chat for two years and now he’s getting it all out? Still irritating though, and I AM a chatter!
Oh my gosh, I would react the same way to a chatty serviceperson in my house. The fluid time thing would make me CRAZY and yet I would also be too timid to actually say anything about it. Like you, I’d worry that they would leave and not return. (I’ve heard of this happening a lot; in my area, it’s often for tree-related jobs – they start and don’t finish.)
I hope by now everything is complete and it was all worth it! I, too, have a ceiling repair that needs to be done and am dealing with a serviceperson who is not responsive. He’s ignoring my texts, so I’m going to call (UGH) after Thanksgiving, and if he doesn’t return that message, I’ll have to look for someone new. Why the heck are ceilings such a challenge to get repaired?!
Eek. Technically the fact that you were able to hire someone – anyone – who showed up and did the job is a win. When we needed to build a foundation for our shed my husband spent six months looking and could never get anyone to show up so in the end he spent a few months doing it himself.
But ick TMI and the irregular hours…I can definitely relate from past experience.
The last time we had workers in the house, the dog was losing her mind, so I basically took her outside and worked outside (I had my computer for a bit, but gave up eventually and started doing yardwork). They never even got a chance to talk to me! I guess if they’d had questions, they would have had to hunt me down. So this is one time that having a somewhat badly behaved dog really worked to my advantage because it meant I didn’t have to engage in small talk to strangers!
I hope the work is finished soon and you never have to think about the problem again.
I’ve stopped having service people back for jobs because they were too chatty– well, one. I just can’t deal with it.
Coincidentally, I’m home with the plumber right now, but he doesn’t seem interested in discussing anything but the leaky shower faucet and where the water shut-off is located.
I don’t like having a worker in the house anyway (it makes me realize how much I talk to myself), but a chatty one would make me crazy. Good luck!
Ugh, i would hate this so much!!! I hate having people in the house, and I definitely don’t want to have in-depth, weird conversations like that. But what are you going to do… at least he’s doing a good job. i hope for your sake this is finished SOON.
That’s very accommodating of you to be conversational with the plaster guy. I totally get why and I too lean towards extra friendly when I don’t need to be. Sounds like he shares way too much personal info! Just sayin’ – you could cut him off after a polite greeting and hide out with your own work. It’s one of the hardest things to do – cut off people when its needed – but it’s totally in your right!
You basically wrote the post about my own struggle the last 5 years of having people working on renos in our house. It literally started to drive me crazy.
We ended up having two very unfortunate situations. One contractor – on his last day of working for us – told me when I was home alone that he had just been charged with molesting someone and suspected he would be facing serious jail time. I cannot state how anxiety-producing this whole situation was; he also talked at length about how much alcohol he consumed. He came HIGHLY recommended and did good work, but the whole thing was so unsettling. Another contractor – last summer – got very upset when I tried to ask questions about what he was doing (INCORRECTLY, I might add), verbally abused me, and then stormed off the job site. There were a lot of layers to the situation, but it was awful and I felt physically ill the whole time he was at our house (he also come recommended, but we later learned he had a reputation of having a very volatile temper).
Beyond that, we’ve had great contractors I will admit (with all the different things we’ve needed done, it was inevitable we’d get a few “bad apples) but the chit chat and feeling so uncomfortable with the uncertainty of contractor schedules, cooking/eating while they’re in our space, having them use our bathroom (when they’re working all day) left me always on edge. And never knowing when someone would show up because of weather or delays on other job sites. But then I felt like I needed to be so happy because it is so hard to find someone that is available. Gah. I was basically a ball of anxiety for 5 years of doing this. I can 100% relate. It’s hard and there is no rule book for how to engage with contractors and they’re all so different.
Sorry to hijack your blog post, but I clearly have a lot to say on this matter. I’m feeling anxious just reading the post/commenting on it – because, yikes, it’s all a lot.
Glad he’s doing good work and also glad that he’s hopefully almost done?!
I don’t like chatty workers I don’t know well, either! I would probably say, when he first arrives, that you have a full day of work to do in your office so you will park yourself there most of the day today. I am an introvert but I think I can manage something like that to save myself the aggravation of chattiness all day long. I would think he’d understand that and won’t take it personally….you know, “she has to work so she can pay me!” even if it’s not true. LOL
It’s rare that I am alone in the house with a contractor/tradesperson for very long – if at all. But a chatty one? That would make me crazy. How about greeting him and before he gets too chatty, say something along the lines of “Oh! Look at the time! I have to meet a deadline. If you need anything I’ll be over there in the office.”
Oh, no, no, no. This would make me so uncomfortable. I don’t care if he’s lonely – you do NOT overshare with clients and you don’t show up with a “I’ll get there when I get there” attitude. That is not good work ethic… and I think you do need to tell him that you expect him to be somewhat punctual (or a couple of days turns into a week and then he might never leave!).
Well you know how I feel about chatty people since I tried to change dental practices to get away from a chatty hygienist! I would not have patience for someone like this. Luckily my husband deals with all the house stuff so he generally only has people come on a day when he is WFH. And if he happens to have someone come when only I am home, he knows I am not going to deal with them. Like they need to call Phil to discuss what they saw when looking at our furnace for instance. Or when the gutter cleaning people came recently, I just had to make sure the hoses were turned off after they left. Phil assured me I would not have to talk to them. Man I sound like a weirdo but I hate small talk and dealing with house stuff! And luckily Phil’s job is flexible enough that we can deal with stuff like this. But we are super lucky because Phil’s cousin is a handy man and he handled so many projects at our house and is an absolute delight. Phil is younger than his cousins so this cousin’s kids are out of college. So he especially enjoys being around our boys because it’s a novelty and reminds him of when his kids were young. Paul adores him and talks about cousin Brian all the time. But the situation you describe. It’s my personal hell. Especially an oversharer!!
Oh this is so hard. And I don’t think it’s just a you thing – I think it’s a woman thing. We feel the need to be so polite and accommodating, especially to men who are working in your home. I totally understand feeling this way, and I hope the job finishes up soon so you can get on with your life. I’m sorry this experience has been such a difficult one!
Humans are funny creatures. Some people really love to chat it up and chat things that possibly shouldn’t be shared with everyone. Hopefully he’s doing a great job and he’ll be out of your hair soon.
Ah that definitely falls in the awkward category. I never really know how to handle those kind of people who need to do stuff in my house. I want to be nice but I want them gone asap. And I don’t really get any work done while someone is in. the house…
The fluid time would bother me too. But I fear that is what it is now. I don’t have anyone ever come on the time they said.
Oh, heck no. Just no. This is way too much info from a contractor in your home. I’m with Gigi – make your excuses and get the heck out of there. Yikes.