Two short anecdotes for your weekend reading pleasure enjoyment amusement eye-rollment hate read whatever.

One Bad: When the family was here, we all went out to dinner one of the nights. Our reservation was at 6:30. The rest of the family arrived before me – Carla and I had trouble finding a parking spot – but we got to the restaurant at 6:30 on the dot. (I had told everyone else that the reservation was for 6:15 because I am mean.) We walked in and there was a man and his child in front of us. The hostess grabbed some menus and escorted them to a table. Carla and I waited for the hostess to return.

The door opened and a woman rolled in. You know the type. I am not going to describe her, because every descriptor makes it seem like I think everyone with [descriptor] is an ass, when that it just not true. She power-walked right past me to the hostess table. I edged closer, because I was there first, and she had a kind of bulldozery aura about her. She looked at me, “Is anyone here?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said, pleasantly, glad that she’d acknowledged my presence. “The hostess just took someone else to his seat.”

The hostess returned. We had been waiting for maybe a minute at the most. The hostess smiled at us, trying to work out who to speak to first, and the other woman leaned onto the hostess table and said her last name and the number of people in her party.

“Excuse me,” I said, more tightly this time, but still aiming for pleasant, “we were here first.”

Instead of saying, “Oh, whoops, sorry” or “Oh, man, I thought for some reason you WORKED here, even though you are wearing a coat and are accompanied by a young child!” or “I completely forgot my manners! What was I thinking?” she gave me a superior little scoff and said, “Well, I have a 6:15 reservation.”

“I have a reservation too,” I said. I was firm. “And I was here first. You can wait your turn.”

At this, she put her hands up defensively, pasted a Deeply Surprised But Also Bitchy Look on her face, and said, “Well, I’m not going to argue with you.”

The hostess, clearly relieved this little exchange had not escalated further, escorted me and Carla to the table where our family was already sitting.

Fin.

Except… NOT fin, because… WHAT? I am still bewildered by the whole interaction. And flustered, because I absolutely hate confrontation. And really, would it have mattered if we had allowed her to go first? No, it would not have mattered. Maybe the gracious thing to do would have been to let her manhandle her way into being seated first. But she was so BRASH about pushing in front of us! And so… unapologetic about it! There was NO WAY she didn’t know that we were in line before her. Absolutely zero. And then she acted like I was being ridiculous or argumentative for asserting that I was there before her? What the what?!? We are living in a SOCIETY!

I am trying to teach Carla grace and patience and forgiveness, of course, but I am also trying to teach her to be aware of other people and to take turns and to stand up for herself… and I guess I chose the latter options to model for her in that moment.

The second worst part – after having to get into any sort of confrontation at all – is that it felt/feels like such a big deal. My heart was pounding. I felt like I was being ridiculous – justified, but still, like I was engaged in a playground argument of the first grade maturity level. (“It was MY turn on the swing.” “Nuh UH, I was here first!” “Nuh UH, I was!”) I felt like my voice got overloud and squeaky and my indignant meter had been ratcheted up way too high.

Why can’t I be easy-breezy during a confrontation? Why couldn’t I have smiled pleasantly and said smoothly and cheerily, “Oh, you know, we were here first!” and then just not engaged her anymore? Why, instead, am I still feeling vexed and embarrassed a week later?

Side note: She said that she had a 6:15 reservation and we were definitely there at 6:30. So she was LATE. Which does not give her any excuse to line hop. But it makes me extra irritated. Lateness on your part does not constitute submission to your will on my part.

One Good: Remember when I was complaining about Target the other day, and how I had to drive all the way back to the store and wait for some security person to review my transaction just so I could get a refund for an item I did not buy?

(Brief detour which will have you further wondering why this falls under the “one good” heading: Remember how in the same post I also mentioned that Target is always making errors in what they charge you? Well, I went to Target this week and bought Home Alone 2: Lost in New York PURELY because it was on sale for $6. And then it rang up for $9.99. Fortunately, I caught the error. But SHEESH, Target. GET IT TOGETHER.) (Also, when the cashier keyed in the adjusted price, she had to choose an option on her computer screen to, presumably, explain the reason for the adjustment. I didn’t see all the options, but the one she picked was something like “customer disputed price.” Well, yes, I disputed the price. Because it was incorrect. Why is there no option for “item scanned at a price that was different from what was listed on the display,” huh, Target?)

Why this is the only point in this ridiculous post I am choosing to illustrate with a photograph is beyond my powers of understanding. Also, why didn’t I buy ELF as well?

Anyway, I went to Whole Foods to pick up my Thanksgiving turkey. While there, I also added a few other things to my cart, and when I checked out, the amount that the cashier told me I owed seemed… like a lot. But I was in a hurry and I was really fretting about how I was going to brine my turkey by myself and, after all, the turkey was expensive and Whole Foods in general is expensive (and I don’t normally shop there, so I’m not really familiar with HOW expensive) so I figured the total was probably right and I had just underestimated the total of what I was buying.

I should have looked more closely at the receipt right then, but I didn’t. Instead, I drove home, unloaded my bags, and then looked at the receipt. Which is when I discovered that they had double charged me for my turkey. My enormous $44 turkey.

Listen, please forgive me when I tell you that I overlooked an extra $44 being added to my receipt. It is one of my key failings as a human, that a) I have no idea what things cost and b) being in a store suddenly renders me incapable of doing simple math and c) I get flustered easily and don’t take the extra twenty seconds in the store to just make sure I haven’t been overcharged. It drives my husband CRAZY, believe me, and if I knew how to fix it (budget in advance! or at least have some idea of what it will cost to buy the things you are buying! or for the love of peanut butter just take the extra twenty seconds to check the receipt! yes, you are right!) I would do it, but it seems to be a part of my brain that doesn’t work.

(By the way, I recognize the immense privilege glaring through the above entire paragraph – please know that I do.)

ANYWAY, I was so upset with myself. This was not a charge I could overlook. And if I would drive back to Target to reverse a $12.99 charge, then I was DEFINITELY going to drive back to Whole Foods to reverse a $44 one. But I didn’t have time. (I didn’t know, then, that our Thanksgiving would be moved back by an entire day and that I, in fact, had a whole extra day’s worth of time.) I had to brine the turkey and wash potatoes and chop herbs and finish cleaning the guest room and and and.

So I called the Whole Foods and told them about my problem… and they simply LOOKED UP MY RECEIPT and refunded my extra turkey charge immediately.

It took five minutes. Which includes the time I spent berating myself for having to make an unscheduled additional 45-minute roundtrip drive to and from Whole Foods. I did not have to leave my house. No one in security had to review footage of me not buying two turkeys. I got my money back. It was marvelous.

The end.