Below is a reprint of one of my most popular posts of all time. When random people find my blog, it’s because of this post. I can only assume most people are searching for “how to pronounce Joan,” and good for them.
Back when I wrote the below post, I was completely anonymous. So I used the names Joan and Joanne as an example of another set of names that are very similar to one another but WILDLY (to me) different in sound and feel.
These days, I use my real first name with wild abandon online and in the analog world. Online is preferable because people get my name right 99% of the time. In person, however, people still get it wrong. More than eleven years after writing this post, people STILL call me Susan. Almost every time I have to interact with a human, in fact. I have gotten much better about correcting them in the moment, but it still feels awkward. I think I also have a little more grace to offer than 2012 Suzanne did; she hadn’t yet gone through the humbling experience of having a child, so let’s forgive her for being so rigid about so much and so easily outraged. (I am still rigid and easily outraged… just less so.)
One phenomenon I have come across recently is name uncertainty. By this I mean a person with whom I have multiple encounters who vacillates between calling me Suzanne and Susan. When we had painters in our house, the foreman did this. Sometimes he would call, “Susan? Can you come look at this?” When his supervisor visited, he introduced me as Suzanne. This back and forth went on for three weeks. I may have corrected him the first time, but it didn’t stick, and I just didn’t care enough to go through the awkwardness of correcting him every time. Near the very end of our time together, he asked, “Is it Susan or Suzanne?” So clearly he wasn’t sure, ever, and was just trying things out. Maybe he hoped I wouldn’t answer to one of them and he could use process of elimination to figure out the truth. A similar thing happened when I was going through the process of finding a car to lease; the leasing agent kept going back and forth between Susan and Suzanne. Oh well. There are worse things.
If You Pronounce Joan and Joanne the Same Way, Please Do Not Read This Post
As I have mentioned before, people mispronounce my name all the time.
I don’t really get it. My name is not COMMON, but it’s not UNHEARD-OF. A couple of celebrities share my name, including a wildly popular author. It was the name of at least one delightfully-divatastic, pig-owning sitcom character.
And, in my opinion, it’s spelled phonetically. Well, not exactly phonetically, because I think phonics uses a bunch of weirdo symbols and stuff to denote sound? I don’t know. Are phonics and phonetically even related? Let’s pretend I never mentioned phonics.
What I’m trying to say is, I think it’s spelled the way it sounds.
Yet people mispronounce it a good 90 percent of the time.
Okay, okay. Maybe this is a product of Modern Times, where kre8tiv spellings are so abundant that you feel like you’re so unlikely to mispronounce a name that you just don’t even want to TRY anymore. Because even if you DO try, you wind up with the wrong pronunciation probably half the time.
Leikynlea could be LAY-kin-lee or LEE-kin-LAY-uh or Lay-KIN-lee or, well, the brain boggles at the potential pronunciations.
And just because a name is “old fashioned” in look doesn’t mean it’s old fashioned in SOUND! I mean, John may very well be Jo-hen or Juh-OH-wen or Yone or whatever, right?
I come from a town that’s FULL of unique names, so I GET IT. You just can’t win.
So typically, when people mispronounce my name, I just… deal with it. It happens. Whatever. Most people who are using my name like this are people I’ll never see again. So I just go with it.
But…
Sigh.
Anyway, my name gets mistaken most often for one other name. A very similar name, sure. But a TOTALLY DIFFERENT NAME, with its own spelling and own pronunciation.
And yes, a quick perusal of the Social Security Administration website shows that my name hasn’t been in the top 1000 names for girls since 1999, and even then it was given to fewer than 100 girls…
And the name my name gets mistaken for is still in the top 1000 names for girls, albeit given to fewer than 250 girls in 2011… So clearly, my name is less popular and less well-known than its doppelganger.
But come on. COME ON.
Let’s say my name is Joanne. It isn’t, but that’s a close enough approximation and it’s similar-ish in popularity.
So people frequently call me Joan. (Not really – Joan is a stand-in.)
Seriously. That is what they do. They call me Joan ALL THE TIME.
Even when I have helpfully spelled it out for them. Even when I have clearly stated my name FOR THEM.
Nope, still Joan.
After 30-odd years of this, you’d think I would be USED TO it.
And yet… I am not.
I went to the doctor the other day (missing a work meeting because of certain office restrictions and I am still not over it ARGH) and checked in at the reception desk. I said my name plainly and clearly. The receptionist handed my file – with my name written on it in clear capital letters – to the nurse. A nurse I’ve seen two or three times in the past six months.
The receptionist handed me a survey to fill out. (Speaking of which, do you ever have trouble answering those stupid questions on medical forms? Do you check the “headaches” box even though you only have headaches occasionally? And what about those yes or no questions? What if the answer is “sometimes” instead of a hard yes or a hard no? A lot of those questions seem like they should allow for a lot more grey area than they do!)
So I sat down in the only empty seat in the waiting room and settled in for the long wait. Because I have been to this doctor several times, and I always have to wait for at LEAST 15 minutes. That’s why they give you paperwork with maddeningly confusing questions – so you don’t notice how much time is passing.
I got to about question 5 on that stupid form when, out of the corner of my ear (that’s totally a thing), I faintly heard someone call, “Joan?”
But I ignored it, because it wasn’t my name. So while my “someone is talking” sensors activated, my “someone is calling YOUR name” sensors did not.
Also, to make my case air-tight, I would like to clarify that I’d been there for about two minutes. If that. My seat wasn’t even warm yet, Internet.
I plowed through a few more questions – blatantly IGNORING one, I’ll have you know – and was vaguely aware that the person was still calling, “Joan? JOAN?”
So, like a normal person, I looked up to see what the hell Joan was doing that was so important she was ignoring the poor nurse. (Texting, probably.)
Of course, as you know, the poor nurse was looking at ME.
So, of course, were all the other patients. Poor, hearing-impaired Joan, their collective expressions said.
I looked at her with great surprise and did the Incredulous Self Point and she said, across the ENTIRE waiting room FULL of people, “Your name IS Joan, right?”
I was embarrassed, obviously, so I said, “Oh! Nope, it’s JoANNE!” in a way that I hoped was cheerful and un-blamey and this-happens-all-the-time, and followed it up with a cheery, “Wow, you guys are sure fast today!”
I don’t feel like I should have been embarrassed. It was the nurse’s mistake, after all. But I WAS and I AM.
(Perhaps this is payback for misspelling/missaying my work colleague’s name for so long?)
There’s nothing I can DO about it, obviously, except complain to you. (You: Gee, thanks.) I mean, I just have to spell my name and pronounce it clearly and accept the inevitable Joaning and, apparently, tune my “someone is calling your name” sensors to Joan AND Joanne.
I just want you to share my exasperation.
Before I let you go, allow me to add another gripe to this one. It’s even MORE perplexing to me, Internet.
This one goes out to fast food servers and restaurant hostesses everywhere: If you were to hear a name, you would write it down in such a way that you would remember how to pronounce it, right?
I mean, obviously if you see my name out in the wild with no context and you can’t figure out how to pronounce it, that’s one thing. Forgivable. (Although: sigh.)
But if you DON’T ask, and YOU write it down the way you THINK that collection of sounds should be spelled, then wouldn’t you pronounce it correctly when you tell me my order/prescription/table is ready?
Sadly, Internet, the answer is typically no.
If people misname you, what do they call you? If you could choose a different name from your own, what would it be?
I am kinda sorta attempting to complete NaBloPoMo, with the full expectation that life will make it impossible any day now. If you want to follow along, or join the fun, check out San’s blog here.
Poor hearing impaired Joan. So funny. This really does bite. Can people not read? I admit that I meet people names Therese and later when I have to greet them I worry that there name might be Theresa. It’s hard to remember that one.
My name is usually pronounced correctly, but there is a male version of my name – spelled differently but pronounced the same. I get people giving me the boy spelling sometimes. The older I get, the more I think my name has grown in popularity and people recognize that I’m the female version of my name. On Valentine’s Day as a kid, it was frustrating to get cards from people addressed to me, but with the boy spelling.
I am certainly not immune to mishearing or misusing people’s names, but I hope that I’m at least AWARE it happens in a way that makes me a little extra careful. So funny to me that people spell your name with the boy spelling! Although I did grow up with a girl whose name was spelled that way.
Obviously my name is not in the top 1000 now nor has it ever been, and of course it gets mispronounced all the time! However, in my case, it is pretty understandable, and I don’t get too mad. I hated it when I was a kid, as every new teacher would call roll and they would say it wrong; in fact, you could tell when they had gotten to my name, as their eyes would go cross-eyed, they would mumble a bit and either throw out a botched attempt or sometimes just call my last name (which is not as difficult)! I do NOT come from an area with exotic names; I think we had at least three Mikes in my class of 85 people.
I used to go to Starbucks a lot, in the days before your name somehow magically appears on the cup (is it my credit card? I don’t know) and they would write all kinds of fun things on there — Karen, Carrie, Cara, Kara, Keerea…you get the gist, but my favorite one was Taryn! Who knows how they got that. We actually call my friend Noel “Doyle” after a SBUX person wrote that on his cup nearly 20 years ago.
Now I am curious how your name is pronounced! I would say it “KEER-ee-uh.” But I admit I have never encountered another Kyria!
Starbucks was so wonderful for getting wild and outlandish versions of your name. The oddest one I ever got was Steven.
You got to pronunciation right Stevo!! It is like curious without the s, kind of.
This is so funny, I have two SILs and they are named Joanne and Susan. I have never once called Joanne Joan and I don’t think ANYONE has ever done that, so why the confusion over Susan/ Suzanne? To me they are very different names. But maybe that’s just my mental association. I can actually see it happening once. But MULTIPLE TIMES REQUIRING CORRECTION. No one really messes up Nicole like that, but I have had people mistake me for Michelle. Those names do not seem similar to me but if someone is going to call me not-Nicole it’s going to be Michelle. Isn’t that weird? My next-door neighbour did this for like thirteen years, he called me Michelle and I just stopped correcting him, and then one day he magically started saying Nicole. What happened I have no idea but it was a miracle.
Nicole and Michelle are SO different! Hilarious that this name swap happens to you with multiple people! And awww your neighbor. Did your husband finally corner him and say, guess what buddy, her name is Nicole??? At the old house, one of our neighbors confided in me that another of our neighbor’s called Neighbor 1 by her dog’s name. I tried to work in Neighbor 1’s actual name into conversation with Neighbor 2 at every opportunity.
This is funny – I think of Susan and Suzanne as completely different names. Also in Canada perhaps Suzanne is more common?(a French version of Susan I believe). My son’s fiancé’s name is Mariah. She gets “maria” all the time. In fact my son called her Maria their entire first date (she’s very shy so didn’t correct him at first) and she obviously finally corrected and forgave him.
I could see how Mariah would be confused with Maria… although there is a pretty big celebrity namesake, so I feel like it should happen infrequently! So cute that he didn’t get it right on their first date… and she clearly got over that. 🙂
Ohhhh, my for-real name is always, ALWAYS getting this! It is a less-common name versus the much-more-common-but-not-my-name name. It baffles me how I can spell my name, which ends in l-i-n-e, to someone and still they pronounce it -lyn. Even worse, though, is that my name is in my email address and yet a few people will write my name the other way. In the email! Where you can see how I spell it! It’s right there! I try to be patient, I don’t get mad at anyone, but wow, I don’t understand.
I admit to never knowing if names like that rhyme with wine or win! But rhymes-with-wine makes so much more sense to me, so that’s my default.
How annoying! To me, “Susan” and “Suzanne” are two completely different names (as are Joan and Joanne.) At work, I have multiple clients a day, and I have to read their names on my ipad and then go out to the waiting room to call them in. I’m always VERY careful to get their name right, and if it’s an unusual name and I’m afraid I’ve butchered it, I’ll always ask them “Did I get your name right? How do you pronounce it?” Then I’ll make a notation on the ipad, “Her name is pronounced “xxx”. I think it’s inconsiderate to mispronounce someone’s name over and over again!
Recently I had a day at work where I had four clients- two of them were named “Susan” and two were “Suzanne!” What are the odds of that? It was the weirdest day.
Starbucks is hilarious- the best one I’ve gotten is “Yanni.”
THAT is the way to do it, Jenny! I wish more people were like you! And Yanni – that is hilarious.
Two Susans and two Suzannes in one day! Sounds like a glitch in the universe LOL.
My name is Melissa, but I respond immediately to Melissa, Michelle and Dawn.
Dawn is my mom’s name and, growing up, was my best friend’s name. BFF Dawn and I both had long, dark hair and similar builds growing up.
In 4th grade, I had a nun teacher who would call around the room as we read aloud, often during the middle of a sentence. If you were not reading along word for word and could not pick up on the exact word the other child left off on, she would thunder down the aisle, and dump your desk so your belongings were scattered on the floor. (Kind of like Ms. Trunchbull in Matilda)
I want to note that there was one Michelle in my class and two Melissas. One day, she was calling “Michelle!” “Michelle! Take your turn!” I didn’t even look up as I was filled with dread for Michelle. (Also, Michelle is not my name.) She thundered down the aisle and flipped my desk. I stammered with all my shy 4th grade might “Michelle is not my name. I’m Melissa.” She did not apologize. Instead she said I should know what she means when she’s looking in my direction (Who, exactly, is looking up when you could be called any minute on any word?) I hated her but respond immediately to Michelle still, 35ish years later!
Oh my goodness — this person sounds exactly as awful as a Roald Dahl character! What a traumatic school experience!
Love this one 🙂
Maybe the ONLY good thing about having the most common name of my birth year is that everyone pronounces it correctly. 🙂
Ha! Yes, that is a good reason to have a timeless and classic name!
They are completely different names but, IMHO, people just don’t pay attention. My sister-in-law’s name is Suzanne and she gets that all the time too. I have to admit though (and this is embarrassing) I can never remember if the son of a good friend’s name is Taylor or Tyler. I finally wrote it down so I’d remember… I just can’t remember where I put it.
You are probably right on the money! I have a very hard time remembering friends’ kids’ names, too, unless I see the kids very frequently. Even if I DO remember them, I don’t always trust my memory! I do a lot of “how is your cutie patootie these days?” or “I can’t believe your baby boy is so grown up!”
My name is uncommon enough that I don’t blink at mispronunciations, as long as people are trying. I do give a fake name at restaurants, etc. because I don’t want to deal with it.
My husband has a name that has more common nicknames than the nickname he uses. Let’s say his name is Robert (it’s not – this is like Joan). He doesn’t go by Rob or Bob, he goes by Bert. It’s not unheard of, but people who don’t really know him always call him Rob or Bob. Nope. You can call him Robert or Bert and nothing else is acceptable. This false nickname thing drives me crazy on his part. For his part, he just sees it as a sign that this is a person who doesn’t know him.
I have lots of feelings about this and I bet I posted the same thing when you wrote this before!
Oooooh yes, the nickname thing would be very irritating! I am deeply invested in knowing more about your fake restaurant name though. Is it always the same fake name? I have definitely resorted to giving a fake name at places like Starbucks, but when it comes to takeout I always give my husband’s name which is common and un-mispronounceable.
Your name is obviously not Susan! My mom is Louise–and she gets Lois all the time, as well as Louis occasionally. My name is easy to say but difficult to spell. One time at Sbux I was waiting for my mocha and kept hearing the barista call, “Barbara, Barbara, BARBARA?” Finally, I realized that she meant me. If you say Margaret really fast, it must sound like Barbara?!
Oh wow — that is QUITE a mishearing!
I am so surprised that your mom gets Lois! That seems like SUCH a less common name. Louis I suppose I understand. But Lois?!?
Look, I can’t promise that I’ve called people by their correct name 100% of the time on every day of my life but…Susan and Suzanne are two completely different names!!!!!!!! It can’t be that hard.
However, I did used to work with a Joan and two people named Joann and I worked much more with the Joanns then I did with Joan. My fingers were conditioned anytime that I typed Joa to finish it with two n’s. I remember correcting myself many times – hopefully I never sent her a “Dear Joann” email. And now that that job is in the past I’m still in touch with Joan so it feels weird on those rare times when I contact one of the Joanns.
Mistyping in that situation would be SO EASY to do. Yikes. That is too many people with very similar spellings!
This post came before I knew you from the interwebs but it is PURE GOLD. Everything about this was entertaining and highly relatable. Thanks for reposting so I got to enjoy it!!
People pronounce my name correctly, but frequently mis-spell it for obvious reasons. That said, what I cannot fathom is how some people that know me quite well (and have moved past acquaintance to friend territory) continue to spell my name wrong. After they receive Christmas cards from me with my name spelled with an ‘S’. Really? One time, a work supervisor with whom I had exchanged hundreds of e-mails actually asked me if I had changed the spelling of my name (after I pointed out she had filled out my name wrong on an important form). Um…no. This has always been how I spell my name. Including through the YEARS of e-mails we have sent back and forth in which every single one I spell my name with an “s” not a “z”.
Oh YES. The spelling!!! So annoying! And rolling my eyes forever at your supervisor.
This would irritate me tremendously. It’s not like they are ignorant of your shoe taste. IT’S YOUR NAME. My name is frequently mispronounced as Kaaaarrri. As if I were a Norwegian. That is the correct pronunciation, I was told once (while wearing a name tag). Super, thank you for the lesson. It’s not MY pronunciation. For two years, my boss called me Kaaaarrrri. I never corrected her. I was too embarrassed to correct her, but I was annoyed that she never asked how to say my name correctly. It’s not exactly the same as your scenario, but it’s close. So I get it. I GET IT.
As someone who studied phonetics in college, I don’t get how someone can think Suzanne sounds like Susan (or vice versa). It’s two different names (that both start with “Su” I guess?
This is what I really love about the German language: we pronounce words as they’re spelt (for the most part) and it makes things really easy. Can I throw in the German version of your name? “Susanne”. How would you pronounce that? 😉
Poor, hearing-impaired Joan. LOL (How about poor, phonetically handicapped nurse?)
My name is seemingly straightforward (at least in German – ha), although I’ve been called Sandy (which I usually don’t respond to, because my “someone is calling your name” sensors are not tuned to that) and sometimes people ask me if it’s pronounced “SAHN-dra” or “SAEN-dra” .
The former is closer to the German pronunciation, although the “a” is shorter in German, but for me personally, it’s harder to talk in English and then pronounce my name the German way, so I usually tell people that my name is “SAEN-dra”).
*spelled (OMG! Language is hard. LOL)
I have to admit I have no idea how you pronounce your name! Is the first syllable like sand or like on?? I have a friend whose name is Andria and she pronounces it ON-dree-uh, which has caused her problems forever.
I guess, if you would pronounce it correctly the German way, it would be “ZUN-dra”. (Like “sun” with a soft “z” and without rolling the “r”, if you can. Haha.)
In English, call me “SAN-dra” (like “sand”, never “on”).
My husband has a good story about pronunciations gone awry! His first name, Jose, is probably the most common Spanish language name. Tor people without experience with that name, they pronounce as Hose, Josie, or all kinds of funny versions. During his first experience in an American school, his teacher marked him as absent for a whole semester because he didn’t respond when ‘Josie’ was called. I guess the teacher wasn’t too concerned about the kid who didn’t seem to be on his attendance list. My husband was still learning English so the communication gap was pretty big.
I get called Laura all the time. I am NOT a Laura! Stop calling me Laura, world!!!
Oh yes. I could see this being a very annoying and hard to escape issue.
My name is Anthea but I often get called Andrea. I think this is why I’m always so aware of spelling and pronouncing names correctly.
My husband’s name is Keith and he gets called Kevin all the time.
Keith and Kevin!!! But they are less similar than Joan/Joanne and Susan/Suzanne! Hilarious. (But also super annoying for Keith.)
Oh, I have another one. I work in an office that is probably 50% old white guys (and 50% combined women/non white people.)
In April, we hired a guy named Nilipt. Not one of the old white guys has said it correctly. Niblet. Nip it. Nimble. And, in a record settingly bad one yesterday – Nipplet.
It is not that hard. Like Phillip with an N. I am on a crusade to get these guys to say it right. Every time they say it wrong I stop what we are doing and make them repeat his name correctly. It is MADDENING.
One guy tried to tell me he said it wrong because words don’t end in pt. I told him he was inePT at remembering names.
NIPPLET. Good on you for making everyone stop until they get it right. And your inept crack is PERFECTION. I hope he will abruptly adapt to saying this person’s name correctly.
this made me laugh so hard (inappropriate!!) … but i’m so glad you stepped in to make it right. good on you!
You know my name, and as you might imagine that last name is a brain breaker – so I usually let it go unless I’m asked.
At an old job, we had one client who would call and consistently call me “Nancy” despite the fact that I stated my first name (an easy one) clearly when I answered the phone.
But Suzanne/Susan, just like Joan and Joanne, are two completely different names.
Nancy?!?! In what universe is your name similar to Nancy? I mean. Aside from a Very Slight similarity in sound????
And yes, the last names are a whole other beast. I leave that one alone too.
not to confuse things, but a few years back i worked with a joan (spelling of JOAN) that pronounced it as joanne (JO-ANN). it’s all so confusing! but i do think i know the difference between suzanne and susan (at least i used too!). 🙂 <3
I can’t imagine pronouncing Suzanne as Susan. HOW! My name is Lisa but often people will call me Liz. Again – how! Liz is not shorthand for Lisa. In my younger years I just went along with it which is ridiculous. Now I am more confident and assertive so I will correct people. But wow people are lazy and don’t pay attention to details.
I don’t get it either. Except I get it a little more now that I know my friend Janet. I used to assume that people who did this just didn’t pay attention or care enough to get it right. I think that’s probably true in a lot of cases, but I have learned that some people just can’t process things like names – my friend Janet would make me repeat someone’s name over and over because when she met someone knew she was terrified of getting it wrong. But that nurse? Yeah, that’s weird.
My principal at one school called me Laura throughout his whole first year. This year he finally said that I look like his friend Laura, but he mostly gets it right now.
My name is Meike and it is not pronounced like you would think. I always tell people it’s more like Michael without the l at the end. Someone in HR still mispronounced it after 3 years even though we saw each other quite a bit and I told her my name multiple times. I usually shrug it off and don’t mind. I hope that cuts me some slack if I mispronounce someones name.
Oh, Suzanne. Like others, I feel you on this. So many people make “Anne” into “Annie”. Why? My guess is the “e” on the end. Also? I have been called multiple names (real names – ha – not curses) for so long, that my response is usually that I reply to anything except “hey, you!”. So there’s that. 😉
Susan, this is such a great post!
😜😳😜😳
Girl, we are in the same Susan Boat! It’s maddening. I’m pretty much over it, but still it’s so weird that people DON’T hear my name the same way I say it.
I vented about this before as well.
https://busybeesuz.com/2020/05/20/susan-doesnt-live-here-anymore-or-ever/
I think I said it before but for me the both names are obviously a different pronunciation.
I am sorry you are suffering through this.