Hello! I’m so glad to see you! Please, allow me to take your hats and mittens. Head right on into the kitchen and I will get you a hot drink.
Can you believe we haven’t gotten together like this since two years ago March? I know! Time is a wild wolverine, full of teeth and impossible to trap. In today’s session, I would be so grateful for your advice on pandemic birthday plans – mine, in particular – so please put your party planning hats on.
But before we get to that urgent agenda item, it seems critical that I fill you in on what an exterminator emergency is. Or at least, was, in the case of my particular exterminator postponement. (Carla speculated that it was bees! in the walls! which would indeed be an emergency, holy hot honey, but it was not that.) I asked our exterminator during his visit (after I determined that he and his loved ones are all okay, phew, may he live a long and healthy life) if he could satisfy my curiosity. Turns out it was a Live Mouse Issue. My mind, as you might imagine, went immediately to a room teeming with mice. But alas (for my imagination, not for him or his client), it was a single mouse that was alive and in his client’s kitchen. His poor client was, how shall we say?, dealing poorly with the appearance of the mouse. (My exterminator, in his low gentle drawl, “Lady was hysterical. What’d she think I can do? I am not a house cat.”) He was able to –
LOOK AWAY to the next ALL CAPS paragraph if you don’t care to learn about the (non-graphic, I promise) demise of a mouse…
— Have you looked away yet?
— Here is some buffer space for that pesky peripheral vision.
– trap it on a glue trap because it was already clearly very sick from ingesting poison and did not want to move much at all. And then he… disposed of the mouse. May it ascend to a cheese filled heaven.
— Buffer space for the lookers away —
— More buffer space in case your eyes are more curious than your brain —
YOU CAN LOOK NOW.
All right, Party Planning Committee. On to the topic at hand, which is my birthday. I turn 40 later this month and I am feeling pre-mopeful about a) turning 40 and b) not being able to make A Big Deal about it.
This is ridiculous for many reasons, the top being: We are in a pandemic, and no one who is not a Kardashian is getting the birthday celebration they want. PLUS, even if we were not in a pandemic, I am not A Big Deal kind of a person, and would feel stressed and anxious about any sort of Big Deal being made over me, so why I am wistful over the lack of A Big Deal is a mystery for the stars to solve.
And yet I am full of self-pity because I am Fun.
So! I think what I need to do is, you know, buck up. And then plan some fun things so that I can look forward to the day if not the event. And that’s where you come in! Because we are in a pandemic! And many of my ideas will not fly!
Let’s establish a pre-pandemic celebratory baseline here.
Normally, for my birthday, I prefer to have a day off. I like to go get a massage, maybe a facial, maybe a pedicure. I like to do absolutely nothing at home – no cooking, no dishwashing, no anything. And I like to go out to a favorite restaurant, drink some yummy wine or champagne or cocktails, and stuff myself with something delicious and decadent. But of course I am not going to places for a massage these days nor am I going to restaurants.
For me, A Big Deal would look something like the above, but maybe with a babysitter for Carla and maybe another couple or two would join us for dinner, and then maybe we’d all go bowling afterward or head to a bar for margaritas or come back to my house to play board games. I remember one birthday when my husband and I went on a brewery tour with couple friends of ours; something like that would be an awesome way to spend my fortieth.
Of course, once again, we are not hanging out indoors with other people nor are we going on indoor tours of places, especially those involving taking off your mask to drink things, nor are we hiring babysitters, or going into bars or bowling alleys, or inviting not-my-exterminator other humans into our house.
In the Before Times, my husband (who turned 40 last fall with MUCH LESS WOE-IS-ME) and I had talked about the two of us, plus Carla, going to Europe as a joint birthday hurrah. That would have been delightful, but I have zero desire to get on a plane anytime soon.
So. Those are the things that are NOT happening.
What can I do instead?
Here are the very minimal plans I have already made:
- I have requested that my husband make me lemon pudding cake, which is delicious.
- I ordered two cute tops from StitchFix that I have had in my cart for awhile PLUS I ordered myself a Fix, to arrive on my birthday, which I haven’t done in ages because a) I have nowhere to wear Real Clothes and b) I have gained so much weight during the pandemic that I haven’t wanted to buy any new clothes.
Here are some additional things I am considering:
- Good food. I am tossing around dinner ideas: would it be nice to make tacos at home, because I love tacos? Or maybe we could order takeout from our favorite Mexican restaurant? Or maybe we could try one of my other favorite restaurants that we haven’t visited since before the pandemic – and order steak or a burger or something that seems really risky (to me) as a takeout option. Probably best not to wing it on my birthday; nothing adds to the self-pity like a lukewarm soggy-bunned hamburger in a Styrofoam container.
- Perhaps we could find a movie we haven’t watched yet and watch it. I have no idea what this would be; the new Amy Poehler movie doesn’t drop until March, so that one’s out of the running and I haven’t heard of anything else.
- A game night? My brother got us The Deadbolt Mystery Society for Christmas. Maybe I will request that my husband and I start that as a birthday treat.
- Near-birthday happy hour with friends. I haven’t had a virtual happy hour with my back-home friends for awhile. Maybe we could set one up on or near my birthday. Probably not ON; I wouldn’t want it to be about me, just about our normal catching up and chitting chat. But doing it the day before or day after my birthday might add to the fun anticipation.
- Special sweets. Perhaps I will buy some Reese’s peanut butter hearts and snack on those all day. Ooohhh or order myself some Shari’s Berries, which I haven’t had in years.
Beyond these things – which are surely more than adequate in and of themselves – what can I do to make the day feel More Special? What would YOU Do?
I know for sure that I don’t want to request that my husband set up some sort of birthday parade; I can see how those would be so fun and bolstering for some people, but I would find one for ME to be stressful. I also know for sure that I do not want a big family Zoom session, which Carla had for her birthday and which she recommended with great enthusiasm for my birthday.
A dear friend of mine, who also turned 40 this year, said she and her family did a virtual beer tasting together. Something like that would be really fun, but I am guessing it is too late to plan it and even if not I would feel weird planning it for myself.
For my husband’s fortieth, our little family went on a long-weekend trip to a nearby state. We stayed in an Air BnB and ordered takeout and did outdoor activities and it was a lovely little getaway… but that seems less fun/doable in February, and I’m guessing we would have had to plan it in advance.
If you have had a birthday during the pandemic (most of us have, by now, gloom gloom gloom), what did you/someone else do to make it more special? Or was there something, in retrospect, you wish you had done instead/also? Have you thrown any virtual celebrations for anyone this year that went particularly well? – or badly, I would want to know if something went badly. Or do you have a birthday coming up – yours or someone else’s – for which you are already tossing around plans? If so, I would like to hear all about it. No plan is too simple or too extravagant or too specific to you that I don’t want to hear about it!
And, of course, if you just want to complain about birthdays I am always here for that.
Oooo I think decade birthdays are so fun, and I am sorry one of yours is falling during a pandemic.
I would definitely want to get take-out on my birthday and not have to cook, but on the other hand I understand about the risk of it not being good. Hm. I think I would risk it, but in the back of my mind I would be promising myself a make-up take-out meal if the birthday one wasn’t good. Maybe TWO make-up take-out meals, plus an extra taco night, so that I would almost be HOPING the take-out wasn’t great!
I would want to pick a movie AND I would want to specify some treats to eat during the movie: popcorn, Junior Mints, etc.
I would certainly buy myself some gifties.
I would haaaaaaate a drive-by parade, but many times over the years, even NOT in a pandemic, someone has asked if a bunch of people would send 30th/40th/50th birthday cards to their spouse, or 50th anniversary cards to their parents, or whatever, and I always find that charming and fun, and I also think it’s easy for people not to participate if they don’t want to (I worry about pressuring people). PLUS, I would think maybe some people would then go a little further and drop off gifties at your house / mail little gifties! Which would be fun! And having mail arrive for a few days captures some of the fun of Christmas Season Mail. Would your husband be able to do a card request for you (he should emphasize that it is a FORTIETH during a PANDEMIC)? It seems like it generally has to be done over email or Facebook. I know he is a busy man but this is less effort than going to Europe. (I will tell you this privately: if it were me, I would NOT be above POSING AS PAUL and doing the request myself if necessary.) (Or at least, I am sure I would end up composing the email send list for him and letting him copy/paste it. I would resent that, but I Would Do It.) (In fact, now I am specifically planning to do that for my next decade birthday.)
Also, I think after the pandemic there are going to be a lot of events to make up for the ones we missed: late wedding receptions, late birthday parties, etc. It won’t be at all the same, because it just CAN’T be, but if you have other friends turning 40 anytime during the pandemic, I think it would be fun and bolstering to plan some sort of joint event for after.
Oh I LOVE this idea of a coordinated mailing! And the movie plus snacks lineup! And the multiple takeout do-overs!
Ooh ooh ooh I love birthdays! I’m sorry your 40th is during the pandemic but all those things sound so great. My 45th was last April and the guys made dinner and cake with zero input from me (the zero input was important, I did not want to decide “what’s for dinner”). A friend and her husband dropped by WEARING GIANT INFLATABLE T-REX COSTUMES, BLASTING “DANGER ZONE.” That was a highlight. They also introduced me to a local company that makes non-dairy ice cream. There was wine! And…I guess that’s it. So I think you should take not just a day, but special things for a week! Or two weeks! Or the whole damn month.
Question: what is a Fix?
Also? MOUSE. That was less awful than I thought but still pretty awful.
A FIx is where a stylist from StitchFix sends you a bunch of curated clothes/shoes/accessories to try on, based on what they know of you from a questionnaire you fill out and choices you make on their website. It’s fun! Fewer clothes per fix than with Trunk Club, but StitchFIx usually sends me things I love. And then you decide which pieces to buy or which to send back.
I love that your friends did that – so fun and cute! And unexpected!
You’ve already got some great ideas here! I’m going to borrow them for my own upcoming 40th, in April. I was going to suggest the airB&B route….perhaps there is somewhere nice and snowy with a beautiful hot tub you’d like to relax in?
I suppose I shouldn’t completely rule it out, right? It would be nice to get away.
Oh, *gleefully rubbing hands together* I do love these types of posts – both for the content AND the responses!
Definitely, do NOT cook your birthday dinner! Either order something in or ask your husband to make something that you like.
It’s not too late to set up a virtual beer/wine tasting/whatever if your birthday is still weeks away – I mean…what else are people doing? I think your friends would jump at the chance to participate. If you don’t want to be the one asking/setting it up – ask your husband – or, as Swistle so brilliantly suggested (I will be using this in the future, for sure!) pose as him via email/Facebook/whatever means you use to communicate these kinds of things.
Special sweets/treats/gifts are a must – and as Nicole pointed out, extending the “celebration” to a week also seems to be a must.
The virtual happy hour with your friends sounds like a good idea as well.
The virtual happy hour and the virtual beer/wine tasting are also good opportunities to “dress up” a bit – wearing a favorite outfit or even earrings (I haven’t worn earrings in nearly a year! And I love my earrings!) always makes things feel festive.
I’m not quite sure how the Deadbolt Mystery Society works – is it online? If so, that might be fun to do with friends virtually.
Flowers are also a must – they perk up the house and you during a dark and dreary February.
And, it goes without saying – after this is all over – plan something extravagant (maybe the trip to Europe) to celebrate that you made it through a pandemic/late birthday, etc.
Oooh — flowers! And dressing up! Yes!!!
I love all your ideas and everyone’s suggestions! I think you’re bound to have an excellent 40th birthday now! We just hosted a 50th Anniversary Zoom party for my parents last weekend and it went really, really well! Everyone brought their own drinks, and we did a little Q&A game for the toast so that everyone got involved and it wasn’t just one person doing all the talking, and it was super fun to see everyone from near and far! So I am all for doing that.
And DO NOT under any circumstances do the cooking, for heaven’s sake!
P.S. I’m sure all of us commenters would participate in the card-sending if you were to share your mailing address with us (privately, obvs)!
You are so sweet 🙂 Also, we have a 50th anniversary coming up in March — did you create the Q&A or did you find it somewhere? I would love thoughts on how to do something like that!
Since I was one of the planners of the 50th, I knew I’d be expected to make a toast of some kind. But I tried writing one, and it just sounded cliche and weird to me. Plus, I wanted to make sure everyone had a chance to participate somehow since Zoom adds another level of weirdness. Anyway, the fates smiled on me and gave me the idea to ask a bunch of questions about my parents, and let people raise hands: — Who here has ever traveled out of the country with Mom & Dad? — Raise your hand if you’ve ever been invited to their house for a steak dinner? — etc. I thought of about 15 questions and my sister and I took turns asking them. We had participants from different parts of my parents’ lives, so I had to have some specific questions for specific people, and that was fun, too. Then afterwards, people chimed in with add’l questions, a delightful surprise. “I’ve got one: Who here has ever …?” Things I hadn’t thought of. So it just really worked out well. <3
That sounds so nice!