You know when someone says brightly, a la Office Space, in the most annoyingly high-pitched version of cheer possible, “Looks like you have a case of the Mondays!” and your only response is an icy stare designed to induce a disfiguring series of frostbite blisters all across her stupid cheerful mouth?
Yes. That.
I am crabby for several reasons, Internet. Please proceed only if you want to:
a) Work yourself into a froth on my behalf
b) Enjoy a case of Other-Person’s-Grouchiness-Induced Poor Temper
c) Commiserate
d) Roll your eyes at my CLEARLY first world and therefore RIDICULOUS “problems.”
Firstly, I am on Day 1.5 of a stomach bug. And I’m grouchy because, well, obviously, it SUCKS but also because I’m not sure if it’s a bug sort of stomach bug or if I brought it on myself by eating raw cookie dough or sour cream that had been out of the fridge too long. (Perhaps I need to re-evaluate my eating habits.) I have been lying in bed all day – after NOT lying in bed until about three in the morning (you do not need more details than that) – but I have of course had my computer with me, and have been working because when you work from home there is no excuse NOT to work. Ever. Especially when you have wireless. I mean, you can take your computer INTO THE BATHROOM if necessary. (Please lord do not make it necessary.)
Secondly, it is the third anniversary of my marriage, which should be a lovely happy occasion complete with flowers and wine, but, this year, is NOT. (See Item #1 for the reason behind the No Wine.) I cannot begrudge my husband the flowers, because – although he has sent me lovely reminiscent-of-my-wedding-bouquet flowers for the past two years – well, he is busy and he doesn’t think NEARLY as highly of fresh flowers as I do. And I am trying very hard not to pout and tear up at Lack of Flowers because that is stupid.
Plus, I keep feeling this (SILLY, I KNOW) fretfulness about how we are ONLY three years into this thing and yet we are ALREADY chucking the Anniversary Is Special hoopla? That makes me sad. Not that we really are Big Hoopla Type People, or anything. But we’ve had, you know, flowers and a night out in years past. Which was SOMETHING. Has The Magic died in our marriage Internet? Are we Failing At Anniversary Celebration?
We ARE going out to dinner tomorrow night, which, as it turns out stomach-bug-wise, is lucky. And it’s not as if we NORMALLY exchange gifts or anything, so there’s really nothing to be crabby/panicked about. And yet…
Thirdly, I have barely made a dent in my Christmas shopping (what in the universe am I going to get for my husband?) (We are destined to fail at Christmas, TOO, aren’t we?). Of course, I can only blame MYSELF for this. But it’s still making me crabby and mildly panicked. I had planned to rush to the mall after work today. But now… I may SKIP THAT.
Fourthly, I am still dithering about Christmas cards. They are important to me, and yet EVERY YEAR I have a hard time justifying the cost to my husband. Plus, I feel enormous pressure to send out a photo card this year, since I did so LAST year and it seems like a step BACKWARDS to send a non-photo card. My mother informs me this is silly, as does MY BRAIN, and yet I still feel OBLIGATED somehow to send out a photo card. Do we actually HAVE a photo appropriate for a card? No, no we do not.
What I should really do is haul ass to Target and buy a bunch of cards and start filling them out, since we are nearing the point where I will be sending them out in February instead. But I keep DITHERING and my husband keeps saying things like, “I thought we were sending out photo cards?” and “Oh, it will be EASY to do a quick photo!” and “Why are we sending out holiday cards again?” whenever I bring up the non-photo-card option.
The WHOLE THING is making me crabby slash panicky.
Fifthly (Good Wife complaint), I am not sure whether Will Gardner is now going to be a Bad Guy. Nor am I sure whether Peter Florek is going to be a Bad Guy (Worse Guy?) going forward either. And I don’t want EITHER of them to be Bad Guys, so it’s stressing me out.
Sixthly, I just finished The Gift of Fear. It was a good read and had some good tips about preventing/anticipating violence. It also really helped me think through some of my anxieties. For instance, I learned that being on High Alert in a parking garage and suspecting Every Man in the Vicinity of imminent rape/kidnapping/murder may actually INHIBIT my brain’s natural ability to recognize actual danger.
However, SOME is the operative word (in that sentence a few lines back), seeing as I’ve been EXTRA anxious and jumpy in MY OWN HOUSE. It makes lots of noises that I am STILL not used to. And for some reason, I am just SURE that something bad is going to happen – that someone’s watching me or hiding in the basement or lurking the garage or creeping through the back yard or WHATEVER. Needless to say, I am extremely uncomfortable when I’m here by myself. (Which is a LOT.)
(If I am being honest with myself, I think that this House Fear is rooted in some unbloggable issues I’m dealing with lately. And my brain can’t solve those issues, so it’s painting the rest of my life a nice rosy shade of Panic About Everything. AWESOME.)
Anyway, I spend a good part of my days feeling panicky… and then being crabby about my idiocy because THERE IS NOTHING TO PANIC ABOUT. (Unless, of course, some horrible creep HAS planted tiny video cameras in the air vents and is watching my every move, biding his time until he drops soundlessly from the crawl space in the attic into the guest room closet and disembowels me in my sleep.)
Seventhly, I STILL feel unsettled in the new house. We have two tables and only one set of chairs. And actually, we have two ADDITIONAL tables that have no purpose. And we have EIGHT DECK CHAIRS on our teeny deck and no table for THOSE. And there are still boxes of stuff to unpack and/or donate. And we have a total of TWO pictures on walls and we still have several rooms to paint and I haven’t gotten into a cleaning schedule and we STILL haven’t done ANYTHING to the lawn (Laura – I KNOW) and the beautiful couch in our living room is DOWN FILLED so I spend most of my time in that room feeling awful and allergy-ridden and there’s a TV in the basement but the speakers don’t work and the piano is beautiful but the keys stick and I am afraid to contact a tuner for fear it will cost ridiculous amounts of money and there’s a whole list of little non-urgent items leftover from our inspection that need to be taken care of and I have no idea how to keep stainless clean and there’s still the irritating matter of where to best store the recycling/trash containers for easy access without gross trash clutter and I have no idea how to find and engage a snow plower which – according to my husband – is a necessity and I keep hearing about how important it is to “know one’s neighbors” but I don’t know how to DO THAT and and and. CRABBY SLASH PANICKY.
Eighthly, I HATE THE NEW GMAIL. I am in gmail all day long and I need it to be easy and intuitive and not like I’m inside an IKEA project. It is DRIVING ME NUTS.
Ninthly, my in laws left a baby gift here for friends when they were here for Thanksgiving. And it is (STILL) just SITTING on my table as the baby gets older and less in NEED of the gift, but there have been so many Little Things that need to happen before I can deliver the gift: buying packaging for the gift (I sent my husband to Target to complete this errand. I managed to specify “large gift bag” because the gift will not fit in a small gift bag, but the bag is HUGE and also I forgot to specify that I needed tissue paper); calling the friends to set up a time to go over; HAVING a time to drop it off, a time that includes my husband – because I don’t want to go alone – and some buffer time during which we’ll be offered a drink; figuring out the friends’ address; ETC. It is such a small, simple task. And yet the days pass, and it does not get done and the panic level is rising with every minute, as is the crabbiness at having to COMPLETE the task in the first place.
Tenthly, I have to return a shawl and necklace to the store. I took your advice, Internet, and wore an old dress to the holiday party last weekend. I simply bought a sparkly belt and a sparkly bracelet to go with it and I thought it looked just fine. But I ALSO bought a shawl and a necklace. A shawl and a necklace that I wasn’t crazy about, but I allowed the salesperson to talk me into them (“No way, there’s no such thing as too much sparkle!”) and so now they are in my possession, even though I didn’t even take them out of the shopping bag. But returning them is a HASSLE and there’s no time and whine whine whine.
Eleventhly, I really wish I had more to blog about than WHINING. I am annoying MYSELF. But I am grouchy and at least I’m posting something. (Perhaps you are wishing for a kind way to remind me that “silence is golden.”)
I am stopping there, Internet. YOU ARE WELCOME.
Please let me know your biggest complaint/panic today, because I need some PERSPECTIVE. And also some good old fashioned tangential crabbiness.
In the meantime, I am feeling the stirrings of hunger. Since there is no soup or crackers to speak of in our house, I think I may go drown my sorrows in the Cookie Dough of Death.
Oh, my dear friend. I’m sorry you’re sick/panicky/crabby/all around yucky. I don’t (for once!!!) have much to complain about, so I will just say that I’m here for you and I hope things get better.
I had to leave Chicago (awesome city) yesterday and fly back to Pittsburgh (sucky city) and of COURSE we got in a huge fight on the way home from the airport, and then found a MOUSE in the kitchen, which meant I spent all night cleaning instead of sleeping. Today is fun.
There’s a quarter slice of frosted Carrot Cake in my fridge just wishing I would take it out and warm it up a smidgie. Then it will be right temp to taste perfect and I will have to eat it and it will be gone and I will yearn no more. Til hubster shops and buys another…
Yes, it’s dang cold and blowing and looking like rain-makes the Arthur Itis in my joints feel like hell.
Our anniversary has been similar. First year: night at fancy hotel where we spent our wedding night. Second year: night at not-fancy hotel where we were mostly desperate to get away from new baby. Third year: dinner, we think? Fourth year: we definitely had dinner eventually… right?
I think some of this is inevitable and a lot of it is the doctor thing. It’s hard to plan and you don’t want to go when one or both of you is exhausted. But there’s always next year, right?
I started to comment on each of these individually, then realized that all I really have to say is “Are we the same person???” We seem to both a) be ridiculously busy, b) procrastinate or just don’t have time for all the same things (house, taking things back, christmas cards and shopping, sending gifts, blogging, etc. etc. etc.), and c) fall into the “if I can’t do something 100% perfect, I’d rather not do it at all” trap. There just aren’t enough hours in the freaking day.
And your house (and lawn!) can wait – I have finally come to the realization that EVERYONE gets settled in over time and all you can really do is make a long ass to do list and prioritize it.
I almost forgot! My complaint is that my house is a wreck and I am just too freaking tired to deal with it. This 2 year old + 4 month old + work + holidays + less than helpful husband combo is evil.
Sorry you’re not feeling well! I just recovered from a stomach issue this weekend =( For me, it’s one of those days (weeks) where I have SO MUCH to do and end up doing nothing, especially when plagued by a headache. . . we’re moving this coming weekend, the in-laws to be decided the end of this week would be a good time to come stay, so instead of packing the guest room, I’m cleaning the guest room, finals are this week, and did I mention the full time job?
I am happy to join you in the crabby/panicked state.
Sorry to hear about your stomach bug! Hope you feel better soon.
Also, I’m not a huge fan of the new Gmail either… hopefully Google will reconsider.
1 – feel better!
3 – I don’t think people keep track of what kind of card you sent in years past. Let alone judge you based on what kind of card you send. If they do either, shame on them, they don’t deserve a card. lol
6 – I used to be nervous alone or just in the dark in my own home. But come to think of it, I haven’t felt that way in quite some time. Perhaps it was getting a cat that helped me? Have you tried that? Or just some sort of other living thing to be with you (ie-fish or even a plant?).
7 – My hubby and I are notorious for not really moving in and making our house a home. Our last home we were in for years without putting anything on the
walls. I’m making more of an effort now but it’s been over a year and still needs work. As long as you’re making efforts, that’s good! Plus, with a home there’s always SOMETHING that needs done/improved. As for cleaning stainless steel, I hear vinegar works!
8 – Totally Agree!!!
My complaint is that I won a giveaway on someone’s blog for a $75 credit at this new website NOVICA, which is run by National Geographic. And I was so excited because I almost never win things and I bought a lovely sweater and waited forever for it to arrive from South America, and when it got here it was UNBEARABLY ITCHY! So itchy I don’t know that I could wear it even with a longsleeved shirt on. I brought it with me to work today so I could go run it to the post office on my lunch break. But as I looked up their return policy, I found out that they do not accept returns from items that were bought with a promo code. Which is just BS and now I am quite grumpy and feeling like a) I should have bought something else and b) glad I am so poor that I didn’t buy something that was, say, $140, instead of $80 with shipping, so I only spent $5 of my own money on this dumb sweater.
Oh noooo. I hope you feel better very, very soon. And happy 3rd anniversary to you, you young married thing! (Whining is OK and in fact what blogs were INTENDED towards, don’t you think? If not whining, then what?)
I hope things get better (both with the tummy and the feelings of crabbiness.)
I have yet to blog about it on my own blog, but I have three big issues that are worrying the hell out of me, and I just had a very annoying discussion about one of those issues with a close relative wherein I had to YET AGAIN defend my parenting choices. This discussion was hours ago and yet the longer I dwell on it the more furious I become. (And it will never be blogged about because that person reads my blog.) GRRR.
As to furnishing your house—80% of the furniture in my house is from craigslist. I find shopping craigslist a soothing hobby. Its usually fairly inexpensive and you can find some totally unique (or completely generic) finds.
Will Gardner CANNOT be a bad guy. He just cannot.
I find that The Gift of Fear now makes me feel like it’s MY FAULT if I get attacked. I keep remembering his sarcasm about the guy who heard a weird sound in his house and even checked it out, and the author makes fun of him because he phrased it as “Checking to make sure everything was okay”—which he DID, in that he found nothing. But it’s HIS FAULT he got attacked, because he didn’t look THOROUGHLY enough, and there WAS someone in his house. Which, NO, I am NOT going to search every possible hiding place in the entire house every time I hear a noise, or else I’ll be on a steady searching cycle ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT.
Also, the “no anniversary flowers” gives me a sinking feeling. I think this is a nip-it-in-the-bud situation: it will be uncomfortable, but I think it’s one of those times when Speaking Up would take something that Seems Small But Feels Big and make it something that Seems Small But Feels Big in the Opposite Way. I’d say something like, “It gives me such a sinking feeling that there were no anniversary flowers this year. I know it doesn’t Mean Anything, but it feels like it Means Something. I think we should just do flowers every single year, okay?”
I don’t know if it can help to have me say you don’t need to do a photo card, since you already know that. But maybe if I say what we’ve done? Some years we do a photo card of just the kids. Some years we do one with all seven of us. Some years I do a collage shot because I can’t get a good one of the kids together. I don’t think of any of them as steps forward or back; I think of them as being different each year.
My example would have been WAY WAY BETTER if I’m mentioned that some years it’s NO photo.
Hope you get to feeling better! Maybe he’s saving the flowers for dinner tomorrow night?? Rob has never ordered flowers, but picked them up and brought them home with him when we’re doing whatever it is to celebrate.
And if you’re a member of costco, they have super cheap (decent, just very few designs) photo cards – I ordered 100 cards (and partial lined envelopes that come with) for $22 … stamps were more expensive than the card! Good luck – it would be completely okay to get photo-free cards, especially if they’re really cute!
So happy anniversary! And I hope you feel better. And I hope your house stops making weird noises.
And if it makes you feel any better, I do not know the neighbors at all.
I don’t know if this will help, but when we’ve called a tuner to actually have our piano tuned, it’s been between $100-$150.
Good luck!! I hate feeling crabby…and anxious…and smothered by a bunch of smallish things that I don’t want to do….and behind on everything!! YOU’RE IN GOOD COMPANY, is what I’m saying ;-)!
My sister got married 3 days before our 3rd anniversary. After the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and day-after-wedding gift opening, we were not in the mood to celebrate ANYTHING. The next year, I kept saying “I can’t believe we’ve been married 3 years!” when really it was FOUR. In my mind, though, it’s essentially like the 3rd anniversary didn’t even happen.
Feel better soon. And my anniversary went to the pot about two years in. So I’m sorry to report that to change it you have to say something! Anything!
These are all valid concerns – no need to stop whining completely. Especially about the 3rd year and not making a big deal. Jon and I are going to be married 5 years this summer and I’ve been building it up for about 2 years now 😉 I’m going to make SURE that it’s a big deal LOL and I best be getting flowers. And WINE!
Send postcard cards – If you’re fancy enough to take your picture, copy and paste it on a page four times and save it to a jump drive, you can print them in black & white for 17 cents a sheet at Office Max (that’s $0.0425 per card+ $0.29 per stamp=$0.33 per card. Beat that Shutterfly!). We just mailed out 64 cards for $21.
That’s all I’ve got. May it solve one dilemma.
I totally get you. I have the same panicky problems. Mine look a little different, but still. I get it.