A big part of this whole blogging thing is commenting.
Commenting on other people’s blogs.
Getting comments on your blog.
And I have to say, I find it all rather exhausting and fraught with anxiety.
(Sometimes I feel like my life is exhausting and fraught with anxiety!)
(Okay, not really. Am being histrionic for dramatic effect.)
Anyhoodle.
I love to read blogs – your blog, especially, since you are kind enough to read mine and comment on it! – and, when I have time, I leave comments.
But I always have the same worries…
I should leave a comment, to let Blog Person know I was here…
Not that Blog Person even knows I exist. Or cares.
And it’s not like I have anything insightful to say. But I want to say SOMETHING.
Or wait, I DO have something hilarious/insightful/awesome to say! So I must say it!
But what if Blog Person doesn’t think it’s hilarious/insightful/awesome?
In fact, what if Blog Person gets annoyed? Or offended?
Oh my god, I totally don’t want to offend Blog Person! I want her to like me!
Gah. No way is Blog Person going to like me just because I commented on her blog. I mean, look at all the comments she gets. No way is she even going to READ my comment. Let alone care about it. Let alone like me because of it.
Maybe I shouldn’t even leave a comment.
But I would hate it if someone came to my blog, read a post, and didn’t comment.
So I’ll leave a comment.
By the way, I love it when you talk to me. I always appreciate it, even if I don’t acknowledge it. I admire you for getting past the Comment Anxiety.
You are insightful. You are hilarious. And you are always awesome.
I know what you mean! I rarely leave comments. I’m not married (yet), have a dog and no kids (again, yet), and live overseas, I don’t have much to say in commiseration or with advice. I love reading the stories, the writing, learning the wisdom offered by all the blogs I read but don’t feel like I can contribute much or that I’m a part of the blogging circle. Absolutely feel your pain.
I bet you have a lot to contribute!
I feel remarkably similar to this.
Glad I’m not alone!
No, you are! 🙂
Those thoughts go through my head all the time. When I don’t have something particularly relevant or interesting to say, I wonder if some comment is better than no comment at all. Here’s hoping it is because this one is definitely lacking any sort of awesomeness or humor.
When it comes to comments on my blog, I definitely prefer something to nothing. But I guess I am a hypocrite, because sometimes I don’t comment purely because I don’t have something important/meaningful to say.
I feel the same way! It’s like you love the comments but keeping up with them on your own is a lot of work. Just know that you do have readers out there who love to read your stuff!
Thank you! Yes, it is work… But enjoyable. And worth it, I think, overall.
“my life is fraught with anxiety.” bwahaaaa! Love it! You keep me rolling-you’re truly a gifted writer! Loved all the Fakesgiving dramz!! I rarely comment b/c I mainly read from my phone. Dang, this was a long one from the phone!!! ;)xoxo
Thanks Susannah!!
And BTW, I am totally impressed you did that from your phone. That would have taken me a half hour to peck out.
This is a great post, I feel like that all the time. Sometimes the BEST posts I read are the ones I can’t seem to comment. I just don’t have anything good enough to say! 🙂
Agree!
You have totally captured my thoughts on commenting. Stress!
Like there’s not enough to be stressed about!
Haha, I totally feel this way too. And on blogs with a really high readership, I NEVER comment. What’s the point, I think? It sucks to feel like this, though – this is SUPPOSED TO BE FUN! =P
Yes, that’s a good point. And I definitely read blogs that I have a “relationship” with more often than blogs I don’t. Because why should I inflict this anxiety on myself? Then again, there are blogs I comment on all the time and still get nervous clicking “post.”
You crack me up–seriously, you are such a wonderful writer!
I get the nervousness, too, especially when I am commenting on a new blog. It brings me back to the first day of middle school when I had to pick a seat at lunch and felt like everyone was staring at me. Awful.
And I know that I am not a super huge blog, but I do have people email me and say “um so, I know you already have 74 comments on your post, but I wanted to say …..”. It kills me. I have all of my comments sent directly to my email, and I try my best to respond to most of them, even if it is just quick. I’d hate to think that someone didn’t want to add something to my blog (or hell, just say hi, or that I am a giant dork) because they feel like their comment would get lost in the shuffle.
My very favorite part of blogging is the community. Without yall, it would be kind of worthless. I mean, for everyone except my mom. She still would love it, ha!
Yes, the community definitely makes it worthwhile.
I love that people email you – that’s a whole other issue of anxiety for me. Let’s not go there.
No kidding. I definitely don’t have that kind of guts!
I’m the same way! I never know what to say.
🙂
I never say anything much of interest, but I love it when I get comments. Even the ones that just say me too. Or I have no idea what you’re talking about but sounds great! 🙂
I kinda feel that way sometimes with bigger blogs. Someone gets 45 comments a blog post and I figure my ‘woohoo! THumbs up!’ isn’t really that consequential. 🙂
Yeah, it’s hard to chime in on a heavily-commented post when you don’t have anything totally meaningful to add. I am not good about doing that.
Toward the end of my blogging I started feeling more anxious about what comments I could potentially get on any post. I would read and re-read my draft and find all sorts of comments a troll could find and tear apart in a comment. The funniest/worst part of the whole thing was it was, 98% of the time, all in my head and no one ever left mean comments. It was just the paranoia that, should a troll read my blog that day, they could find X, Y and Z to trash me for. Finally I decided the comment anxiety just wasn’t worth it!
Glad to see your comment anxiety is of a much more positive sort 🙂
I do that sometimes too… But I figure I can delete the comments that hurt my feelings… And hopefully get over it (you know, after stewing about it for a few months).
I am pretty awesome.
Told ya.
Lol. I feel the same way. I usually never comment out of sounding dumb or saying something that doesnt pertain to that particular post. There are also a couple blogs that I have followed for about 2+ years and to just randomly comment on them, I feel, would be stalker-ish.
Yes, I feel that way too. Although I was a blog follower for a couple of years before I had a blog (and never commented until I had a blog), so I am a big ol’ stalker anyway.
Totally agree! I used to not allow comments. Then 2 people sent me really mean emails about how not allowing comments is cheating. Then I felt sad. Now I allow comments and worry about them. The end.
Awww. That is sad! I hope you get some comments that make it worthwhile!
I sometimes write a comment and then at the last second delete it out of fear of sounding lame, being too repetitive, possibly offending someone, or (gasp!) seeing a spelling mistake after clicking ‘Post Comment’.
I’m relatively new to the blogging world and am not always sure of the parameters surrounding ‘blogging etiquette’. Is it weird to comment on a blog saying, “I totally relate to you and want to become best friends and share childhood stories over hot cocoa” even though you’ve never met the person? Many times I say things in jest but if you don’t actually know me and my natural inflections it may not come across as intended.
With time, I’ll probably get over most of this, haha. I really do enjoy reading your blog and will try to comment more often.
Yes, that is totally fine. And I’ll expect you over at my house later for hot cocoa.
I sure hope so. Because I have left comments like that. No one has admitted to being creeped out, so there’s that!
I, for one, would be immensely flattered.
I have a tendency to be a wee bit sarcastic (what? you didn’t know that?!) and it comes off as harsh sometimes in comments to people who can’t read my tone. I had a commented moderated once and ever since then, I’ve become very wishy washy about whether or not it’s appropriate to leave my actual thoughts in comments. I’m a self-moderator now and it makes me head hurt attempting to figure out how my tone could be misconstrued.
But I’ve only ever been annoyed by a comment left on my own blog ONCE (I said something mean about a lousy singer and the singer’s #1 fan said some mean things about me), so feel free to leave as many comments as you want on my blog – completely judgment free!
I KNOW. Sarcasm and humor are the WORST for comments. I sometimes say something totally snarky and sarcastic… and then delete it just in case the blogger would take it at face value. Perfectly good sarcasm down the drain!
I love every single comment I get (except for the very few actively mean ones) because I blog mainly for the human interaction (being the stay at home person). So when I get a comment, it is like talking to a GROWN-UP! And it is particularly awesome when it leads me to discover another person who understands why other people should not be in my kitchen while I am cooking.
I particularly love people who comment on my nothing-posts. To me, that is even nicer because it tells me that they care about ME and not just something I happened to say that day.
However, I don’t comment on every blog I read (because I read more than 200 of them, I just don’t have the time), so I always feel guilty about that.
YES, agree!
Although I am like you and read so darn many blogs I sometimes just can’t comment as often as I like. It IS guilt-inducing!
Sometimes, I really have to push myself to leave comments, because I wonder if some popular blogger will even read it. But it’s let them know that I was there and that I enjoyed the post. That’s what I would want them to do, so it’s only fair to do it for them?
That’s my thinking at least. 🙂
Yes, it’s only fair. I am big on fairness, so I sometimes do the same thing – especially if there’s a baby or a death or some other Big Event that garners 10,000 comments. Even though they likely will never read it, I want to add my support.
Oh my gosh, I could totally have written the words you wrote about comment anxiety. Well … except for the fact that you wrote them better than I probably would have!
Anyway, it provoked me to step out of the shadows and say hello! I really enjoy your blog. To be honest, I don’t even remember how I got here the first time, but I enjoy every post you write.
I felt for you during your Fakesgiving quest because, years ago, (I am 45), I remember my same feelings. That was before the Internet, so I was stuck with The Joy of Cooking and my mom on the telephone, coaxing me through it and eventually reassuring me that it was OK, everyone’s gravy needs to be spread with a knife the first time they make it! 😉
I have not yet been brave enough to start a blog because … well, you know … maybe someone would read it!
Welcome! Thanks for commenting!
OH! So true!! I feel the same way!! I read alot of blogs where everyone seems to know each other and their blogs and comment on each others blogs and I feel like I know these people personally, because I’ve been reading their blogs for like 3 years now, but only started commenting a few months ago when I started my own blog, and oh, I feel like I did when I was a kid and we moved 7 times in 10 years and I’m always facing the established group of friends and I’m just going to go sit over here with my book and pretend I’m not here, okay?
I run-on sentence alot. Witty, no?
I’ve written two additional paragraphs and just deleted them for fear of non-relevancy and bringing my own problems to the table. I’m just going to stop here. Agreed–comments are stress-inducing.
Oh my – never feel comment stress on my blog please. This should be a comment-stress free zone! I always like to hear tangents. Or non-sequiturs. Or both.
YES. All that.
Your post summed up how I feel perfectly. But I so often don’t comment on any blog I read even though I’ve been reading a good number of them for years and years now! I keep telling myself I’ll do better but alas, life takes over and I run out of time. I’m left with just enough time to read the blogs not comment (and often I’m reading the postings days after they were originally written, sigh!).
Yes, the time thing IS problematic…
I’m the same way. i get super nervous and then if I think later that it was dumb or I should have reworded it or something, I freak out and think, “Blog Person is going to think I’m sooooo lame!” But I can’t delete it bc they already got an email notifying them of my comment, so if they go to look for it, and it’s not there, then they know I deleted it. You’re right, it is stressful. Haha. But I lurveeee your blog and your comments, so no comment anxiety with this girl. Promise. 😉
Oh good point… You can’t ever REALLY delete something on the Internet! (Scary!)
LOVE this – because yes, I think everybody suffers from comment anxiety. And I’d say a lot more, but I’m kinda nervous about it.
(Well, not really, because we’re tight.)
(In reality, I’m just lazy.)
(Sad but true.)
We ARE tight. And your comments make me giggle.
tee hee you commented on my coment! ^_^
What HereWeGoAJen said! But I don’t comment nearly enough. Look at me attempting to fix that!
Yay!
I feel the same way many times about leaving comments!
And I gotta tell you, (and I’m not just saying this to be nice, even though I am really nice 🙂 whenever I read the comments you leave on other blogs, I always think “she always leaves the kindest and most encouraging comments!”
You are making me blush!
HA! Great post! Maybe I should post more comments to because sometimes I talk about bloggers like I know them personally. 🙂
Love your blog. Will comment more. I followed your journey of Thanksgiving and loved it.
Oh my, I do that too! You certainly FEEL like you know them personally!
Such a great post! I feel the same way. Just know that I love reading your blog, your writing is awesome! 😀
Aww thank you!
I adore this post and feel the exact same way!! In a prefect world I’d comment of everyone’s blog every day- but I have to work sometimes- your comments are always wonderful.
Exactly – in a perfect world, I could spend all day blogging and commenting. 🙂
Well, a perfect and slightly pathetic and isolated world.
Hilarious!! Are you in my head?!!
😉
You caught me!
I guess we all get shy sometimes. The sad thing is, I have been reading your blog a loooong time and I really enjoy it. I never intended to be a lurker, but it just happened!
I have never commented because I find the whole process a little awkward. As someone else said, I don’t know if I am familiar with blog “etiquette” because I don’t have a blog myself.
But I think you are great and I enjoy you putting yourself out there, so I’ll endeavour to say hi and comment! 🙂 I think you are great!
Wow – thanks for delurking!! So glad you said hi. Feel free to comment anytime – consider this a blog-etiquette free zone.
I love reading, but I swear my comments are part stupid because I never know what to say. Ever!
I love this post though. Actually, I ALWAYS love all your posts!
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And that comment above is why I shouldn’t comment!
You are so funny. I love your comments!
Came across your site from your Comment on another site (www.sundrymourning.com). At least we both like to read Linda’s blog 😉 Given the topic of your most recent blog post, I thought it only fitting to stop in and say hi. hi!!
Hello and welcome!
I couldn’t agree more!! I wish more people would comment on my blog – and I’m so thankful that you do 🙂 Thank you for reading and putting in your two cents!!
Likewise, my dear!
Blogging is subjective. You should do what makes you happy! You comment often enough that I know you read our blog. No worries lady!
Thanks, Kristin!
hahaha! I’m TOTALLY about that too. I feel like my brain has had this exact conversation with itself.
Stupid brains – always getting in the way!
Hi!
I’ve been reading your blog for MONTHS now (probably about 5 or 6) and you have inspired me to start writing an anonymous blog also… I have yet too…. but that’s another story!
Anyhow, I’ve never commented before — but due to the nature of the post, I thought it NECESSARY too!
REALLY enjoy your words, your creativity, your neurosis! All adorable, all entertaining, all great reads…
Simply put: THANK YOU!
Love,
Under the Table and Writing
(future blog name, if i ever get the guts to start it up!)
Ooooh exciting! Be sure to let me know how to find your blog once you get it started!
I love getting your comments 🙂 I wouldn’t worry about it too much, I think everybody likes to know when somebody stops by their blog!
I suppose that’s true… I guess I just don’t have enough faith in other people’s good nature! I mean, I love all comments (as long as they’re not troll-y). So why would other bloggers NOT feel the same way?
Um 71 comments…should I even comment!? Will you even read it? Do you even care? Yup, that’s what I’m thinking RIGHT now as I read this. Strangely though, I’ve gotten a LOT of support from friends I’ve met online. I figure that if you honestly don’t like my comments, then I usually stop leaving them. Reason – I don’t want to be annoying. I figure that if you WANT to read my thoughts you would come to my blog and see what’s happening. You know? That’s how I deal with comment insecurity. Strange, who woulda thunk we would get to this point!?
Hahahaha. Glad you looked past the 71 (which is way bloated since I made an effort to reply to every comment) and left a little note!
That’s one of the best things about blogging – it’s nice to find other people with similar worries and concerns.
I usually read my google reader in bursts, so sometimes I’m a week behind on people’s posts. Sometimes I feel like I’ve come late to a party and everyone else has already had thrilling conversations, and I would be recycling old news. Glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks about these things!
Yes, exactly – being “last to know” sucks.
Hi! I just found your blog a couple days ago and love you already. But maybe that sounds creepy…
What I mean is, I feel like you write like I think, and you’re willing to be honest and vulnerable, which is probably hard, but it’s also what makes you likable and relatable.
Thanks for writing. Hope all is well with you today.
Welcome and thank you!! (And not creepy at all!)
I’m clearly a little late to this party, but I HAD to comment. I have the exact same internal dialog. Especially the part about not wanting to be offensive or annoying. I especially worry about sounding like an idiot. Thanks for sharing that you too suffer from comment anxiety every now and then. : )
Very glad to hear it! It’s always nice when others share my particular brand of crazy…
I’m deliberately anonymous because I am a chicken and can’t say this to your face, but, I totally preferred this blog when it wasn’t a big suck-up-to-other-bloggers-by-responding-to-their-every-comment party.
1. As a regular reader, you should know that I don’t normally respond to every comment. Due to the nature of this post, I made a deal with myself that I would respond to every person who got past the comment insecurity and left a comment. While you may see it as sucking up, I see it as being friendly. I’m sorry that they are indistinguishable to you. But, while it’s not something I normally do, I often wish I had the time to respond to every comment. I’d rather have a conversation than simply put my thoughts out into an answerless void. I love it when other bloggers respond directly to my comments on their blogs or via email. It enhances the feeling of community that I love so much about blogging. While I know it’s not always possible – for other bloggers or for me – I do try to respond when I can.
2. Based on your IP address, I’m fairly certain I know who you are. Since I’m a bit of a Luddite, I’m not 100% certain… But your IP address is practically identical to that of a fairly frequent commenter. So the anonymity bit is pointless.
3. I don’t understand anonymous comments at all. It’s clear from your concern about “saying this to my face” that you intended this comment to sting. Why say it at all? You are perfectly capable of ignoring this post, the comments, or my blog entirely. If you are who I think you are, I hope you don’t choose the latter option, since we have common ground in our husbands’ jobs. But if my posts or reactions to readers are distasteful to you, why even bother to read and/or comment? Or, if you normally like my blog and feel connected enough to me to make suggestions for improvement, why not email me personally and let me know you have an issue? Perhaps then we could discuss it like open, rational adults. Hiding behind a (thin) veil of anonymity is cowardly – although you know that already. And it causes me to discount your comment rather than consider it, as I would if you’d emailed me, friend-to-friend.
I just realized I didn’t comment on this post-COMMENT GUILT! 🙂
Anyway, I think comments are like crack. The more you get, the more you want. Also, you should never feel nervous about leaving a comment. You always have very insightful and supportive things to say. Don’t ever worry that someone won’t like you!
Crack indeed!
It’s funny that we all have the same insecurities! I can totally relate because I get comment crazy too. I do love your blog even though I rarely comment. You have a great writing style!
I think you broke into my brain to write this post! I have these exact thoughts!
i LOVE comments and i love that you did a comment post! 🙂 even if it’s just a short and sweet hello, comments help me feel connected to each reader. i always wonder who are the lurkers and how can i reach out to the folks i am sharing my life with that i never hear from. you are pretty awesome yourself and I hope to read more of your blog!
Thanks for your comments on my post btw- they always make my day!