One week from today is my husband’s Match Day.
Match Day when you’re a medical student is a big deal. My husband’s entire med school class gathered in a lecture hall with spouses and kids and assorted family members for a multi-hour celebration. The dean had games. Some of the students put together a skit. Doctors and professors and med school students from other years drifted in and out to watch the spectacle.
At the back of the lecture hall stood a long table lined with white envelopes. Inside each envelope was the letter revealing where a student had matched. At noon on the dot, the eager fourth years were allowed to storm the table and open their envelopes.
But Match Day for residents is… different.
Apparently, my husband will either get an email at noon or he’ll be able to log onto a website and find out where he matched.
(If he matches. Not matching is, of course, a possibility. GAH.)
No fanfare. No excitement. No build up.
Just a result… and then back to work for the rest of the day.
(My friend K – who is married to another resident who is also applying to fellowships in my husband’s specialty – and I have decided that we MUST go out after the Match. To celebrate or drown our sorrows. Unfortunately, any number of the four of us could be EITHER celebratory or sorrowful.)
Anyway, I haven’t written much about this fellowship application process because I don’t want to affect the results. I may, however, have a lot to say once it’s over.
But it’s pretty much all I’ve been thinking about for the past month or six. My husband and I have had several teary conversations. (Teary on my part. Patient and kind on his part.) Because the Match process is not fun.
You see, it’s almost entirely out of our control. Sure, my husband worked hard to be an excellent candidate. He got research published in major journals. He was invited to present his research at a major industry conference. He’s won a teaching award. He got excellent scores on the MCAT and the boards. He has fantastic recommendations from professors and attending physicians. (Can you tell how proud I am of my wonderful brilliant husband?) (SUPER proud.)
He got interviews at some of the top programs in the country. And he did his best to make a great impression on the interviewers.
But from there… There’s nothing he can do. He just sets his rank list… And the programs set THEIR rank lists… And a computer matches them up.
All we can hope is that his highest-ranked programs rank him highly as well. (Of course, we’d be happy to have him match ANYWHERE.)
But it’s scary. It’s a very competitive field. And he is competing with hundreds of residents for the one, two, or three spots that these programs have to fill.
Argh.
My husband still has a whole year left of residency. Fellowship – if he matches – won’t begin until summer of 2012. That’s a long time to adjust to wherever we’ll end up. But it’s also a long time to continue feeling temporary.
I’ve sort of fallen in love with this Midwest City we live in now. It’s comfortable. The weather is – overall – quite lovely. (I could do with less INTERMINABLE GREY in the winter, but I recognize that not everyone has 300 days of sunshine I’m looking at you Denver.)
And – best of all – my husband grew up here. So we have all the benefits that come with familiarity. Knowledge of the area, of the best school districts and places to live. We have his parents’ country club here, which we could join if we wanted to. (That is a topic for a whole other post.) We have contacts here, which means it’s easy to find a dentist or a tailor or even potential clients for me. My husband’s parents are considering finding a summer home here, which would be amazing – especially if we have a kid at some point.
Plus, my husband has high school friends here. Friends who have been so kind to me, who have welcomed me into their circle with open arms. Internet, I am NOT good at making friends. Add that to my work-from-home career and my general terror of Putting Myself Out There, and this built-in social network has been a LIFESAVER.
I can imagine us living here. Buying a house here. Even… having a kid here.
And so I’m sick at the thought of leaving.
But the truth is, even though my husband got interviews at two programs here, there’s no guarantee that we’ll end up here. We could get his top pick… Or we could get his bottom pick. (Or none at all. ARGH.)
We’ll – okay, I’LL – be okay anywhere we end up. The programs he interviewed with are all in perfectly nice cities.
It’s only three years, after all. (Well, possibly four if he does a year of further specialization BUT WE’RE NOT GOING TO THINK ABOUT THAT NOW.) As my father would say, “You can hold your breath that long.”
Maybe we would even LOVE it! Maybe it would have better restaurants and more sunshine and adorable suburbs. Maybe it would be a city where YOU live! (How cool would that be?!?!)
But the prospect of leaving this city makes me sad. And let me tell you… being sad a whole year in advance of our potential leaving kind of sucks.
ARGH. This waiting is killing me. I am so glad there’s just a week left until we KNOW.
And then I have a whole year to either a) find a house here or b) come to terms with leaving.
good luck! I hope you it works out exactly the way you want it to.
For 9 months, my husband has been job hunting. And he’s had some very good opportunities that haven’t worked out for some bizarre reasons (seriously, with the third time, we were like the universe is fucking with us.) And each time he would go on these extended interview processes and I would gnaw on my knuckles and eat batches and batches of agita cookies, only for it to fall apart at the last minute. I have spent the last year on tenterhooks, hoping we were moving back to south Jersey, but having my hopes dashed each time. Grr.
He has found a new job and is starting at the end of this month. We are staying in northern NJ, although we are moving to a much better town. So I can finally stop with the agita cookies. I totally get the whole are we/aren’t we just hurry up and tell us SO WE KNOW for pete’s sake and I can get on with making concrete plans for life.
Fingers are crossed for you two!
I’m on pins and needles for you!! What a crazy, exciting, nerve-wracking time. I can tell how proud you are of your hubby and it’s very sweet. I can sort of relate to the helplessness as my hubs is applying for clerkships for 2012 and we could end up in NYC (yeah!). Or Indiana… (Yeah?). Or anywhere in between; you have to take the first judge who picks you. Harumph. Thinking good thoughts for you!!
I do not envy you, and I do not look forward to going through this in another year. The one thing I’ve learned through out this entire med school/residency ordeal is that it ALWAYS works out. Even if it appears the worst possible option at first, you always land in the best place in the long run. It’s the lack of control which is both nerve-racking and crazy-making. I’ll be thinking about y’all!
Wow. That sounds completely agonizing!! I have my fingers crossed–it sure sounds like he did all of the right things to make this happen!
This is a different comment box.
I move a lot. And it is HARD. But there is always something in each new place that I love more than anywhere we’ve lived before.
So can I hope that you come live here?
Now you have me nervous!! Where will it be?!! I do pray he ends up with his top choices.
What is his specialty? My friend’s husband just matched to his top choice and they are ecstatic…but talking to her throughout the whole process really made me hope things would turn out how they have — I can totally see how stressful this is for everyone involved.
Good luck!
Okay, forgive my ignorance but I had no idea there was a fellowship match. Probably because my husband’s specialty doesn’t participate. I feel SO bad for you, poor thing! The match was one of the most stressful things ever and I would never want to go through it again.
I don’t know what’s on your list, but if you end up out East, let me know and we can drink together while our husbands work. Cheers and good luck!
I think that once you find out, even if you’re disappointed at first at the placement, you feel that way for the whole year leading up. I HATE feeling “unsettled.” And, right now, everything is up in the air for you. But, at least there’s a deadline. On match day, you’ll know and, luckily, you have plenty of time to wrap your head around it.
But, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you that he ends up with one of the matches where you are now. Good luck!
I had to laugh at this: “The weather is – overall – quite lovely.” I think match day is making you loopy!
Back when I was a med student, I found the whole match process to be terrifying – I’m so glad I never had to go through it. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you and your husband. My vote is for you to stay in your Midwest City, so one day I can come visit you from my Midwest City and we can form a lovely friendship based on our awkward social skills and appreciation of chocolate + peanut butter 🙂
Ugh, I cannot imagine how hard it is having my future kind of of my hands (although really, our future is always kind of out of our hands, huh?) but you’re handling it with such grace.
I cannot wait to hear what happens and I know that no matter where you guys end up, you’ll be just fine!
Having to go through one match process is hard enough, but two?! During the first match process I practically begged my hubby not to do a fellowship for that reason, but somehow I see myself going through this again in a couple years… That lack of control is so difficult. I hope that you can have a peaceful week and be excited about the outcome. There will be great things about any place you end up, it’s just the adjustment and the wait. They’re no fun.
Oh, match is the worst! And I just recently survived residency match, so I can’t even imagine how awful fellowship match must be. It’s just such a hard process, for everyone involved.
It sounds like you’re handling it super well though, and you’re totally in the home stretch! Good luck. I’ll be thinking of all you guys next week.
Ugh. What a situation. When I hear med students talk about match day, I can’t imagine the planner in me having to deal with something like that. I like to be in control of everything (like you, I’m sure) and I don’t know how I’d deal with a computer telling me where I’ll live for four years. Lots of hugs and thoughts for you and Hubs as you wait to find out where you’ll end up. I’m sure it’ll be an awesome city.
I really want to know where you live!
Good luck to both of you. I hope you get matched to the place you want to be most. Feeling unsettled and have little control over the outcome is a terrible burden to carry – especially between a married couple. Best wishes.
UGH! That sounds so difficult. I hope your husband gets matched where he wants and you have good news to deliver to us soon!
I think waiting is sometimes even worse than knowing a negative outcome. It’s the anticipation/anxiety/etc. I hate waiting. I hate not knowing. I am SO IMPATIENT. I’ll be holding my breath to hear the results…
(okay I’m not really going to hold my breath because then I’d be dead. And what use am I if I’m dead?)
I remember being EXACTLY where you are….not knowing what the future holds is way worse than having to deal with it. My husband DID NOT match and had to SCRAMBLE into a neonatal fellowship….so we had a few extra days of stress after match day. Believe it or not, having to scramble is not that bad. You actually get CHOICES which is nice – my husband got offers immediately from 3 different programs in 3 different parts of the country. So we got to pick (you know, like a normal job). I really hope everything works out for you and you are happy where ever you end up!
Hi!
Just found your Blog through Jen’s Blog and I really have enjoyed the few posts I have read. I will continue to make my way through more entries in the near future.
I did read your Princess Catherine Hair Post (loved it)! I have long, thin, drab and very oily hair. So, oily, in fact, that if I wash my hair in the morning, and was going out in the evening I would have to wash it again if I didn’t want to look like a greasy mess. I have never colored it and I am over 40 but it’s just a matter of time. However, I stopped using Shampoo. I use Hair Cleanser. It’s called Wen by Chaz Dean. My BFF raved and raved and than raved some more about the product. And I kept telling her that I couldn’t possibly believe that a hair product could be as good as she said (especially since it is a bit pricey). I tried it once and I am hooked and have been using it for a year and my hair never has looked better (not that I do much to it anyway). I now can get away with washing my hair every other day (and it looks great even at the end of the second day), which is better for it anyway, and the Product doesn’t strip the hair, and maintains the color longer. It’s simply amazing. And I just don’t get it wet when I shower on a non hair wash day.
I hope the next week goes fast your you and your hubby!
Best Wishes!
Interesting. I didn’t know they did a match for fellowships. That makes me feel pretty lame since I work in a hospital and all. I thought they just interviewed people and picked who they wanted. I didn’t know there was a big process to it on a national level.
Oh man- so many scary things all at once! You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.
Sending you tons of good vibes. I can only imagine how incredibly stressful this must be for you and your husband!
My friend sent me the link to your blog today and I love it! I am in the same situation with my fiance…one week left! It will be an adventure one way or the other. Best of luck!
Rachel
oh, my heart so goes out to you. there is nothing worse than anticipating change. hang in there.
oh, i completely understand so much of this! we just did residency match day in March. i hate the feeling of being at the mercy of a computer.
i also didn’t realize that fellowships were done on a match system too. huh.
Sounds like all the horrible waiting I’ve done while being with Adam! Will he get the job? If he does can I come with? Where will I work? Will I like the city? Will I make friends?
Sending good thoughts your way that you get your first pick!
Whoa. Another Match Day. It is a little anti-climatic that there isn’t any pomp and circumstance, just a minute out of the day. But I guess maybe I would prefer that? I don’t know. We haven’t even done Match Day #1, so I really have no idea. Just thinking aloud.
It seems like y’all have done pretty much everything that anyone could do to prepare themselves for an awesome fellowship match. I so hope that you end up in your #1 spot. If not, I hope you end up in our town 🙂 (that’s not selfish, because I said that I hope you end up in pick city numero uno first). I’m eager for next week’s post!
Look at Denver….and then move here!!! 😉 I am super excited for you, but totally understand that awkward terrible temporary feeling. Boo that you are so anonymous on this blog that you’ll find out news and then we’ll NEVER KNOW! But I’m not bitter 😉
Your description of the fellowship match is exactly how our school handled the residency match. No fan fare, no celebration, just an email and a poorly attended “happy hour” the next night for the 4th year students. I had no idea what we had missed out on until I started reading about everyone else’s match day experiences. I feel like we were kind of robbed.
We’re just finishing up intern year and all these posts about fellowship match day have me feeling like we’re already behind the ball in getting that process going, not that Dr Love is 100% sure he wants / needs to do one. Won’t it be nice when this continuous “Where are we going to live in 3-4 years” is done?